I'm 54. I absolutely know people are different but if you try to say that on Reddit, if you say, let's look at this from both sides or what's the other person's perception of this situation… it doesn't go over well. Recently a woman said, I found my boyfriend unblocked a woman I told him to block on Facebook 5 years ago and he MIGHT have messaged her on Snapchat, we just had a baby but I'm thinking of breaking up with him. Yes, was the majority response. He's a liar and cheater. I said if you want to blow up your family because of Snapchat, do that. I said you can break up for ANY reason. Peopleo reamed me. I didn't go with the general consensus. I thought they should talk, to work things out. Nope, I'm wrong according to many. I didn't get it. Usually people at least suggest therapy but I didn't know Snapchat is a cheating tool. oh hell. I'm not going to explain myself. I have been married 33 years. I might have an idea of what it takes to make long term relationships work. But people simply want to fight.
It sounds like you're doing all that it really makes sense to do – you're spending time with them, you're openly and honestly sharing age appropriate answers to questions they have, and you're building a close family relationship with them. Hopefully it's building the understanding that it's okay to not be okay and that can be shared with you. You can't fix their shit father or how much his crappy behavior hurts them. But you can be a soft place to land when he knocks them down and somewhere they feel okay being vulnerable about how much this hurts and how much it sucks, which they might not feel okay about sharing with their mom.
If anything, you might want to look at getting you some support as you help them (counselor, therapy, just a friend to talk to). It sounds like this is dragging up some painful and unresolved issues and getting support for you might give you some good ideas on other ways to help the boys.
Best of luck as you walk this difficult path – I'm sure it means the world to your nephews.
He is abusive! Very abusive! This claim you're “provoking him” is absolute BS. He is responsible for how he acts, even when he is angry, especially when he is angry!
Is this the person you really want parenting your daughter?
Have you asked them why they think it's so important that you get a PhD?
I'm 54. I absolutely know people are different but if you try to say that on Reddit, if you say, let's look at this from both sides or what's the other person's perception of this situation… it doesn't go over well. Recently a woman said, I found my boyfriend unblocked a woman I told him to block on Facebook 5 years ago and he MIGHT have messaged her on Snapchat, we just had a baby but I'm thinking of breaking up with him. Yes, was the majority response. He's a liar and cheater. I said if you want to blow up your family because of Snapchat, do that. I said you can break up for ANY reason. Peopleo reamed me. I didn't go with the general consensus. I thought they should talk, to work things out. Nope, I'm wrong according to many. I didn't get it. Usually people at least suggest therapy but I didn't know Snapchat is a cheating tool. oh hell. I'm not going to explain myself. I have been married 33 years. I might have an idea of what it takes to make long term relationships work. But people simply want to fight.
It sounds like you're doing all that it really makes sense to do – you're spending time with them, you're openly and honestly sharing age appropriate answers to questions they have, and you're building a close family relationship with them. Hopefully it's building the understanding that it's okay to not be okay and that can be shared with you. You can't fix their shit father or how much his crappy behavior hurts them. But you can be a soft place to land when he knocks them down and somewhere they feel okay being vulnerable about how much this hurts and how much it sucks, which they might not feel okay about sharing with their mom.
If anything, you might want to look at getting you some support as you help them (counselor, therapy, just a friend to talk to). It sounds like this is dragging up some painful and unresolved issues and getting support for you might give you some good ideas on other ways to help the boys.
Best of luck as you walk this difficult path – I'm sure it means the world to your nephews.
He is abusive! Very abusive! This claim you're “provoking him” is absolute BS. He is responsible for how he acts, even when he is angry, especially when he is angry!
Is this the person you really want parenting your daughter?