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Date: October 10, 2022
r/retroactivejealousy could help. Been there, it’s not easy but it can get better. Good luck!
Hey I replied to you yesterday in the other forum.
You did a great job here, you gave her agency in her decision, you indicated research into working WITH the cat, and you both apologized.
And it sounds like, all else fails, she loves you enough to rehome the cat. That’s a really big thing for her to offer, and so is everything you are doing.
My wife has a horse, had the horse before I met her. It’s been over a decade and I’ve learned to ride, rope, and everything else on him. She loves me because I love her animals too. But it was hard, totally different world at first. Fortunately I didn’t have allergies to contend with.
Ignore the people still shitting on you, this was a great update.
And that is the thing about dating too… somethings you have to take it on the chin to establish a strong position with someone.
I met my GF shortly after her long term. And the information I got about her ex, I used to my advantage.
He did x that I thought was wrong, you'll never need to deal with x again. He never did y, well now you're getting y from me. He weak with z, well I am going to do it z better.
Proving myself to be the winning option by offering a healthier relationship/standard.
Pretty much. They are at odds on this issue and it seems to be pretty important for both of them. There really is no “compromise” to be had here. She clearly wants to do something he doesn't like. That's the bottom line.
I was in a relationship with a woman who loved to smoke cigarettes. I absolutely hated it. I have had people in my family die of lung cancer, so beyond the general smell issues, I had serious health concerns. She wouldn't stop, so it ended. It was a dealbreaker for both of us. Neither were the “bad guy”, we just felt strongly in our opinions.
When he asks why you're breaking up with him, say “you're a smart boy. You figure it out.” Haha, kidding.
Honestly that line is so condescending. “Yeah, I'm intelligent enough to know you're upset and know the best way to resolve it is to talk it out.”
Your soon to be ex and the friends agreeing with him do NOT have a healthy mindset for a relationship. Sounds like they thrive on drama. ?
Thanks for the advice, I'll try and talk about all of this with her when I collect all my thoughts. I don't handle serious things like this very well (obviously) so this is super helpful!
Your friends doesn't get to call dibbs on a girl who he USED to date.