Hey mate I'm not sure if you actually understand what's going on here. So I'm going to be very blunt.
You're in an abusive relationship.
A relationship where she has hit it, insulted you and your family, degraded a disability, stolen your car leaving you without transport and is verbally abusive towards you.
This does not a good and healthy relationship make.
Take a look from another perspective and think about if this was written as if it was about your sister.
Your sister has been attacked, punched, insulted, verbally abused, had her family mocked and degraded and had her car stolen.
What would you tell her? How would you help her? Would you try and help her go back to him? Or would you be wanting to get her as far away from her abuser as possible?
What you would do for your sister in this situation is what you should be doing for yourself.
Tell her to bring the car back by x time. If the car isn't returned report it stolen.
Pack her stuff up neatly in boxes and tell her she can pick it up when she returns the car or at another agreed time.
Talk to your family. (If the reason you don't talk is only because of her)
Be safe. Know that you're worth more than this. More than her. And you'll find someone who won't hit you, Who'll love you without alienating you from your family.
Yeah, that might end up being the way but it makes me sad. the 12 year old is very astute… very high emotional intelligent and senses people's feelings. Def no hiding the issue.
I have a meeting with her school pysch on Friday so am going to make sure they keep an eye on them. I also have my best friend and their sports coach keeping an eye on them too. Lots of extra eyes and ears to make sure all is good.
I can understand my ex not wanting to be with me, I mean, couples fall out of love all the time… but the kids are such good kids, and yes, prob a bit bias, but they are fun and engaging and witty and people I love being around (apart from the eye rolls I get).
Give yourself permission to leave. Permission to start fresh without having to worry about what your husband is doing while he is at work. Permission to never feel lonely while you are with him again. It is exhausting living with someone you can’t twist. It’s ok to no longer be available for this kind of mental mindfuck. Move on.
Does he have an anxiety disorder or issues with self esteem? This sounds like it could be an anxiety disorder—sex requires an enormous amount of vulnerability, and if he's struggling with an anxiety or depressive disorder, vulnerability can be painful to the point where people go to great lengths to avoid feeling vulnerable.
Why is his need to have the day go well more important than your need for a healthy sexual relationship? Anxiety disorder or not, your feelings and needs are just as valid as his. You absolutely do need therapy because it's clear that he is extremely dismissive of your feelings and, while an anxiety disorder might be contributing to it, it's absolutely not acceptable behavior.
His refusal to acknowledge your feelings is a problem that goes away beyond your sex life. If you two end up having kids together, what happens if he refuses to help take care of the baby because “the day didn't go the right way”? What happens if he's unwilling to comfort his child because his day didn't go right? If he's unwilling to play with them? If he's unwilling to meet their physical and emotional needs, unless his day goes perfectly? Are you willing to be with a partner who cares so little about the emotional needs of others? Look, you're distressed about this to the point where it's affecting your ability to sleep, and he's perfectly comfortable letting that happen! He's perfectly comfortable letting you be miserable, letting your needs go unmet, because it's more important to him that his needs are met. This kind of emotional negligence is unacceptable.
You need to address this with him. He cannot let his actions hinge upon the whims of the rest of the world. Anything could happen to make your day bad. Somebody could cut you off in traffic, somebody could steal your lunch out of the fridge, they're all of these factors that he has zero control over, and he's letting them dictate his personal life, and the way he treats his wife! And if you really is unwilling to do anything about this behavior, you need to rethink the relationship, because you deserve to be with a partner who cares about you as much as he cares about himself! You deserve to be with somebody who loves you, who takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration. You deserve to be with somebody who listens to you, who doesn't dismiss your feelings, and is willing to make sacrifices for you. Isn't that what love is? The willingness to make sacrifices for another person? You deserve to have that. You deserve to be your husband's equal, to have a partner who gives a damn about your feelings. Good luck.
The only opposition I can think of is that other people that see us kissing might ask if we’re together and we’d say no, but then our kissing might seem confusing to them.
As a 28yr old that went back to college recently, you'd be surprised what kids are doing these days. She probably did it for a TikTok or something.
What can I do to get him back in?
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Well the main component of what i do is lack of respect.
I mean she apologized and she said she will never bring it up. I think this will be the last of it, I'm just kinda slumped thinking about this..
You forgot to drop the mic and say goodnight to Detroit. LOL
PH1251 wrote the only comment you need to read.
I wouldn’t touch that man with a 39 1/2 foot pole
Hey mate I'm not sure if you actually understand what's going on here. So I'm going to be very blunt.
You're in an abusive relationship.
A relationship where she has hit it, insulted you and your family, degraded a disability, stolen your car leaving you without transport and is verbally abusive towards you.
This does not a good and healthy relationship make.
Take a look from another perspective and think about if this was written as if it was about your sister.
Your sister has been attacked, punched, insulted, verbally abused, had her family mocked and degraded and had her car stolen.
What would you tell her? How would you help her? Would you try and help her go back to him? Or would you be wanting to get her as far away from her abuser as possible?
What you would do for your sister in this situation is what you should be doing for yourself.
Tell her to bring the car back by x time. If the car isn't returned report it stolen.
Pack her stuff up neatly in boxes and tell her she can pick it up when she returns the car or at another agreed time.
Talk to your family. (If the reason you don't talk is only because of her)
Be safe. Know that you're worth more than this. More than her. And you'll find someone who won't hit you, Who'll love you without alienating you from your family.
You deserve better
Yeah, that might end up being the way but it makes me sad. the 12 year old is very astute… very high emotional intelligent and senses people's feelings. Def no hiding the issue.
I have a meeting with her school pysch on Friday so am going to make sure they keep an eye on them. I also have my best friend and their sports coach keeping an eye on them too. Lots of extra eyes and ears to make sure all is good.
I can understand my ex not wanting to be with me, I mean, couples fall out of love all the time… but the kids are such good kids, and yes, prob a bit bias, but they are fun and engaging and witty and people I love being around (apart from the eye rolls I get).
Give yourself permission to leave. Permission to start fresh without having to worry about what your husband is doing while he is at work. Permission to never feel lonely while you are with him again. It is exhausting living with someone you can’t twist. It’s ok to no longer be available for this kind of mental mindfuck. Move on.
what does your appearance have to do with it? That's a pretty vapid comment
*he cheated on you the whole time.
Lol busted. Odds are this is fake. The more outrageous, the more traction and chance of getting lots of upvotes.
Fake
Does he have an anxiety disorder or issues with self esteem? This sounds like it could be an anxiety disorder—sex requires an enormous amount of vulnerability, and if he's struggling with an anxiety or depressive disorder, vulnerability can be painful to the point where people go to great lengths to avoid feeling vulnerable.
Why is his need to have the day go well more important than your need for a healthy sexual relationship? Anxiety disorder or not, your feelings and needs are just as valid as his. You absolutely do need therapy because it's clear that he is extremely dismissive of your feelings and, while an anxiety disorder might be contributing to it, it's absolutely not acceptable behavior.
His refusal to acknowledge your feelings is a problem that goes away beyond your sex life. If you two end up having kids together, what happens if he refuses to help take care of the baby because “the day didn't go the right way”? What happens if he's unwilling to comfort his child because his day didn't go right? If he's unwilling to play with them? If he's unwilling to meet their physical and emotional needs, unless his day goes perfectly? Are you willing to be with a partner who cares so little about the emotional needs of others? Look, you're distressed about this to the point where it's affecting your ability to sleep, and he's perfectly comfortable letting that happen! He's perfectly comfortable letting you be miserable, letting your needs go unmet, because it's more important to him that his needs are met. This kind of emotional negligence is unacceptable.
You need to address this with him. He cannot let his actions hinge upon the whims of the rest of the world. Anything could happen to make your day bad. Somebody could cut you off in traffic, somebody could steal your lunch out of the fridge, they're all of these factors that he has zero control over, and he's letting them dictate his personal life, and the way he treats his wife! And if you really is unwilling to do anything about this behavior, you need to rethink the relationship, because you deserve to be with a partner who cares about you as much as he cares about himself! You deserve to be with somebody who loves you, who takes your thoughts and feelings into consideration. You deserve to be with somebody who listens to you, who doesn't dismiss your feelings, and is willing to make sacrifices for you. Isn't that what love is? The willingness to make sacrifices for another person? You deserve to have that. You deserve to be your husband's equal, to have a partner who gives a damn about your feelings. Good luck.
The only opposition I can think of is that other people that see us kissing might ask if we’re together and we’d say no, but then our kissing might seem confusing to them.