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baran, y.o.
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Date: November 4, 2022
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I'm glad someone said this because I do not know how to solve this dilemma fairly either. And this is not from a Men's Rights activist. I hate that shit. This is just letting both parties make choices for themselves. When they both have sex, they both accepted this risk of birth control failing. The resulting consequence was pregnancy. This is one decision, one action.
The second action, if she wants an abortion (or not), he has no say over her body, and undoubtedly should NOT and never should. She decides not to get an abortion, she has a life to take care of, she decides on abortion, she no longer has that responsibility. Her body, her choice.
But this idea of forced child support for men confounds me because women on reddit are always in favor of it and say “they're both responsible for having had sex!” Yet women have the choice to alter that responsibility, but men don't…? He has no vote in his involvement, but the woman does? If a woman knows the man wants no involvement, her choice to abort or put the child up for adoption or keep it should be based on that knowledge, not in spite of it. Not that, knowing should she decide to keep the pregnancy, he is forced to pay and that safety net is there. Why are EITHER of them FORCED to have their lives altered forever when the woman can choose to have this happen to her or not, but the man's autonomy has ended at conception?
I do all this with my friends.
I hate to say this, but this one is on you for the most part. He asked you up front if he could go to a strip club and you said “yes” while making several assumptions that you did not communicate. If you had additional boundaries for conduct at the strip club you needed to tell him those, and you didn't. He did the right thing by clearing it with you first and he was very open with you about everything he did, which suggests that he didn't realize you'd have these objections. Otherwise he would have been more reluctant to tell you he went to the VIP room.
Don't get me wrong, the way you're feeling is completely understandable and it's worth having a discussion with your boyfriend about what your boundaries are with strip clubs from here on out, but it wouldn't be fair to be angry at him for this time given that you hadn't laid out these rules yet. Lesson learned for next time, be clear.
Further adding that my point is more that baby-trapping refers to a deliberately tampering with birth control or lying about being on it to get pregnant. We do not know if this woman was on birth control and given how it's not super unlikely for women on the pill to end up pregnant anyway I think it's quite the leap to assume she was trying to “baby trap” him unless she's confessed this to him. Given that in a lot of jurisdictions lying about or tampering with birth control is sexual assault, it never fails to infuriate me that some men are so quick to throw “baby trapping” around and then screech about women making false accusations at men the next minute as if that's not exactly what *they're doing when they accuse women of baby-trapping them simply because their BC failed. Obviously I have no real reason to assert OP's partner is one of those guys but I've just got a feeling he might be…
A year and a half. Now that I'm saying it out loud it makes me look really stupid. But I'm bad for believing men when they start telling me things I want to hear and believing their lies when they're telling them.
Break up for good!! You saw in those 2 weeks how much better you are without him!! Stay on the positive path without him!
Thank you. Please what is IC ?
Wait until you find out she's into pegging.