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Buff Boy, y.o.
Location: United States
Room subject: Just Graduated College 🙂 <3 Merry Xmas- Buffboyx
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Date: December 22, 2022
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Being danish is your culture. Your boyfriend is delusional. I on-line in the US with a lot of Hmong people, many are born and raised in the US but they are still Hmong. Hmong is their culture.
girl… please.
i don’t mean to be harsh but you are living in a fantasy world right now of romantic lies and empty words. you don’t have an excellent understanding of him, because he didn’t give you that opportunity, by being a liar. he isn’t able to “express himself to you without judgement or resentment,” because he clearly isn’t capable of doing that with anyone, because he’s a liar. your “communication” is also not real and definitely not very strong, because he is A LIAR..
you cannot develop this strong, eternally unbreakable bond when the foundation is built completely off lies and deceit. Love is not powerful enough to sustain a one-sided relationship with someone who, in reality, you hardly know, because everything has been built off falsities. of course he is going to claim that it’s just “this one BIG lie,” but this makes everything else between you, quite frankly, meaningless. for the entire relationship, he has likely been two timing the both of you.
again, i don’t mean to be harsh, but step outside of these rose colored glasses for a second to really conceptualize a 30 year old man living with his ex, sleeping together every night and it’s just.. platonic? as they uprooted their entire lives together? i can almost promise you that no grown woman would be staying in a room at their exes sisters house, just to skirt by time in whatever bizarre dynamic he claims they have. they are in a relationship.
as a fellow spiritual romantic, i can understand the sentiment, but none of it means anything at all when there is nothing real, no true substance or authenticity. i know it is difficult to even imagine at this point, but your twin flame, your true match is waiting for you- it just isn’t him.
Well it sucks that he’s already given up something that makes him happy to make you happy and that you have zero empathy for that, but at least he can’t marry you and got to figure out how much you care before that.
Anxiety is real and awful, but relationships are work. I imagine he is having to put more time and effort into his job and it probably takes a greater toll on him because it’s not one he enjoys anymore. It doesn’t even seem like you’re willing to work on this, have you thought about therapy specifically for your issues with a wedding? A relationship shouldn’t be some competition about who has to give up more, it should be 60/40, with each person trying to be the one giving 60. Working together against the problem instead of letting yourselves believe the other is the problem.
It is 100% okay that you want to be married and aren’t okay with a wedding, many people do. But guess what? The person you chose, wants a small wedding and it kind of seems like he’s had his boundaries pushed too many times and chose this hill to die on. Kind of sad that things got to here and I really hope this small insight to your relationship is not a full representation of it.
One of the pieces of advice I would give from the things I've learned is that you should always observe someone's actions. Because actions prove more than words.
And if their actions don't align with what they're saying… trust your intuition. Don't ignore it.
In whatever way he claims to “love” you, it is not the kind of love you're looking for.
So she’s in debt, can’t afford 700 usd in rent, and yet she makes more than you? How did you afford to put 150k down on a condo in your early twenties?
He needs to be responsible for his own recovery. Deep down he knows this, he just doesn’t want to take accountability. I would tell him this and kindly suggest that he looks into receiving mental health treatment for his addiction.
??? Well played.
Just talk it out with him OP. Y’all are seemingly a couple that communicates with each other. I’m sure your boyfriend will understand your situation.