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Date: October 12, 2022
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So a couple of things, OP. First, it's not your responsibility to entertain your GF at all times. Second, beware of how you phrase things when you talk to her about this. I personally would focus on my own need for down time and space, rather than trying to tell her what she “should” do. I'd explain, as I did with my own partner, that I am an introvert at heart and need a certain amount of time by myself in order to maintain my mental health and be a good partner to them.
Part of this is going to depend on whether she's able to accept it in the moment when you start setting boundaries around your time. It might help to give her an idea of when you're receptive to hanging out, frame it positively and plan dates during those times and invest energy in making the time you DO give her “quality” time. Tell her that it's good for the relationship to miss each other sometimes and to have things to talk about when you are together. Tell her you don't want to get bored of each other and so it's important to have time to explore different interests. It's not that you don't want to spend time with her. It's that in order to be a good partner, you ALSO need time by yourself.
I hope that helps. Being around anyone constantly is exhausting for some of us. It helps to both communicate your needs AND frame it as positively as you can.
A form of assault!?! ? ? ? I want whatever you are smoking ? now that’s a joke right there! Oh Karen! ?
I’d argue that not addressing your different expectations with cleanliness is part of the problem. For example calling her preferences chaos might be showing a bit of resentment on your side that has accumulated. That shit will ruin emotional connection the longer it goes unaddressed.
My suggestion would be to sign up for therapy, and in the mean time, start having conversations about your differences. If you notice you feel resentful, keep in mind that happens when you don’t discuss issues, so it’s not the other persons fault but a lack of communication that caused the resentment. Some concepts that might help to google are the problem with unexpressed expectations, how to turn complaints into requests, and conflict resolution skills.
In general though, when you have differences, each side should share their perspective then listen and validate the other. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. So fir example, if after discussing your preferences and hers on cleanliness, and you can’t come to a compromise you’re both ok with, rather than act like one way is better than the other, respect that there are pros and cons to most things and respect each other but acknowledge that your preferences are too different that it makes compromises difficult. Then from there you’ll have a clearer picture of if you’re compatible or not, and if what you’re feeling is simply from not discussing needs, or from the fact that you are truly not compatible and thus better off apart.
It seems he was speaking out of jealousy/anxiety, which he translated as “anger” or at least annoyance. That wasn't very mature of him, but he's only human. As long as he's generally supportive and enjoys talking with you, I think this is a very normal spat — the level of emotion he showed in his reaction might be worth discussing with him down the road, as it could indicate a deeper anxiety or insecurity on his part, or it might indicate that he feels insecure about your commitment to him and you ought to reassure him on that front.
It's funny cuz she is single now too!
Would be for me, but at the end of the day all that matters is how he feels about it. Have you talked to him about it?
It’s time to accept that he’s not going to change. So either learn to on-line with the relationship as it is now without trying to change him, or move on. Only you can make the call on how important this is to you. I do have to say that if this is regularly coming up, you’re not happy and it’s not too much to want to be with a partner who makes you happy.
Did you really feel the need to ask this? Like, you weren't sure if this was ok and needed a second opinion?
Sounds like my GERD lol
poor guy
enmeshed again in this energy of being blamed and lambasted. She would project and gaslight me like this often in our relationship.
Why are you leaving the door ajar for this? Block and move on. Clearly this relationship is unhealthy for you. Yet, you just can't give up hope. You have to.
You handle her behavior by leaving her.
Read again, slower.