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Date: October 9, 2022
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Your trauma isn't your partner's fault. It is unreasonable for you to lay the blame at your trauma for your mistreatment of him. Everyone has traumas, no one gets to use those traumas to excuse bad behavior.
Now as for how you make it up to him, you're going to need to show it. Be reasonable, you just lobbed an unfair comment at him for nothing he had done. He's going to have trouble trusting you as a result as he should. So you need to show him by your actions that you did not mean what you said. As to what actions you might take, I'll leave that for you to consider. What would you have wanted from the people who gave you trauma and would you feel better if you saw actions to prove the words that must be said?
If your family has a problem with you setting boundaries, and do that respect you, then you need to go low contact, unless you’re okay with being treated like an ATM and used.
Always make sure that they pay for their own shit and if they request stupid shit say “I’m not okay with being used for money and it hurts our relationship and the validity of our relationship. I’m not comfortable asking my partner for money, even for myself, and those are my boundaries you will have to respect.”
People are not worth keeping if they treat you as an object not a person, and disregard your comfort
Yeah but even if you don't wanna be friends you'll have to try to find a way to stay on friendly terms with him. Thats why I think it'll be best to let him down easy and try to keep the communication somewhat open so you can at least exchange pleasantries when you cross paths and then go about your business.
Do they still communicate? I mean a year is a long time..
shout out for being forward and honest w your partner. i was in a some what similar situation (less stressful bc it happened to coincide at a time where i was leaving the workplace so didnt have to deal too much w the troubles there) and wish i told my partner straight up
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The only reason he would care about your Mom's feelings is if he was in general a empathetic person. You don't seem to have that with him.
Perhaps he lacks tact, social cues and general manners. Radical honesty sounds like bs for “I can express my assholism without boundaries because I call it radical honesty”.
It was a mistake to tell mom. Unless you plan to break up with him, how is she going to feel if you just let this gloss over?
At this point just co parent with him and start to move on. Your child is the most important thing here. He has moved on and so should you. There is nothing left there and you should ask for financial support for your child and for him to be there as the child grows up.
Yay! I’m so happy for you!
Life expectancy is around 80
You need to be honest or you will lose your connection with your brother.
She violated a big boundary and continued to film you after you respectfully asked her to not do it.
She is loud, obnoxious, and it's okay that her personality doesn't match with yours BUT you need to grow up and have these kinds of conversations. Or, again, lose your connection with your brother.
If he won’t go to therapy and won’t work on it with you, then you only have two options: stay in the relationship and accept that it will always be like this or leave.
But I wouldn’t stay with someone unwilling to work on an issue in the relationship.
I didn’t even need to read past the first paragraph.
You’re young and should probably be single going into college, not weighed down by a long distance girlfriend you always fight with. There’s not much else to say. At 19 you should absolutely not be dealing with constant fights in any relationship
The one that would do it for me is “I forgot how nude girls are” uhhhh what about YOU? His girlfriend? He doesn’t think you’re hard?
He sounds super immature and the icing on the cake is he totally invalidated your feelings. He doesn’t sound capable of taking accountability for his poor behavior and you’re going to be the one to suffer for it. This won’t be the last time.
Honestly it sounds like she isn’t well enough to be in a relationship. She needs to work on herself and her issues as this is not normal and now it’s affecting you. I’d break up if I were you and be honest why.
Haha. These all seem like trigger posts. Guy cheats? He’s an asshole! Leave him! Girl cheats? Yeah I could have been more attentive…Therapy!
Judgment? Are you God or a judge? If neither then I don't care really.
Pinching someone's ass and using someones hand to masturbate are not comparable
Op is a woman. Also, the request wasn't said in a rude or disrespectful way, but I think the actual request of asking op to leave the house she pays for is disrespectful.
If her girlfriend wants to spend time alone with friends without op there, she should work around op's schedule. If she feels like she needs more privacy, they could discuss maybe trying to get a bigger place if they can afford it. But asking op to leave isn't ok, she lives there too.
Just give it some time, you don’t love him yet. My ex said the same thing “i’m not a touching person” the first month or two after that she was hugging constantly and always wanting my touch. It’s normal you haven’t created a deep bond with them.
So sorry to hear this, genuinely hope you are ok. Sounds like you are better off without him though – all you have done is stopped yourself finding true happiness which is now a possibility.
Doesn't make it any easier though. I promise things will get better. For now, just focus on doing the things you enjoy and that make you happy.
On the positive side you learned this before you got married instead of after. Sucks but you did the right thing in calling it off.
Its just bad luck.
Lots of people have highs and lows in dating.
Thank you so much. I just started therapy again and will be going to weekly meetings for it. I recently joined a volleyball rec team and I’m looking forward to that as well. I’ve joined multiple clubs over the past few days to meet some new friends as well.
Dump him, he wants to cheat.
Going purely on what you've said here, he's throwing out warning signs for being possessive and controlling. He's not entitled to all your time, kindness and energy and sees you giving any of that to anyone but him as a threat to him personally.
On the flipside, if you are constantly giving everything to everyone without saving anything for yourself then that's not healthy either, whether that's him, family or coworkers. You need to learn about setting and enforcing boundaries across ALL your relationships and not seek approval and validation through emptying yourself out without getting anything to replenish you in return. People can be selfish, both deliberately and unwittingly, and take more than they should from others simply because they can.
!updateme