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Date: November 4, 2022
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It will be very difficult to fix if you already know he'll lose his shit when you bring up something that bothers you. Also I know it's tough dealing with a drug addict, his motivations are complicated.
Like another comment said: it's easiest to open with “I feel ___ when ___ happens”, it keeps the focus on you and your feelings to hopefully keep him from feeling attacked. You already know he will be mad at you for saying that sentence. I would start by breaking it down to what motivates him. Your happiness? His happiness? Does he desire control? Does he disrespect himself and project that on disrespecting you? When you say that sentence (or when you cry) it makes him angry, why is that? A healthy relationship is when we listen to each other and try to reach a common goal, such as both of you being happy. What is his goal? His addiction might play a role in his goals, maybe in his refusal to see a positive goal. It's actually a good thing to bluntly ask him what he wants from you, and what makes him happy.
The way he has been acting is very selfish and disrespectful to you. The only way to fix it is by trying to see what motivates him, but really if your happiness doesn't motivate him then I don't see things ever improving. He doesn't care if you are happy, he gets mad when you cry and need his emotional support, he says you are unattractive. Honestly I think he's proven countless times that he isn't a loving supportive partner and never will be. We can't change other people unless they want to change/improve. He is very rigid that nothing he does is wrong.
So divorce is not an option, therapy is not an option, you wanting sex with your husband is not an option, your husband finding it elsewhere is not an option, your husband not wanting sex anymore, doesn't sound like this is going to happen anytime soon, so not an option.
What do you want? I know what you want, you want your husband to stop wanting sex. Seriously?!?
Well, I think that’s your answer. He knew you had an expiration date and decided to end it sooner rather than later so he could move on with his life. It’s obviously harder because you didn’t get the time to prepare whereas he’s probably been planning and thinking about this for a while. But ultimately it’s done now; don’t waste time fixating on this and trying to determine why he did it right now because that’s irrelevant. Move on and focus on yourself like he’s doing.
Yup. Too many horny men out there who are willing to have casual sex with any woman. He cant win this numbers game
It’s all those gold leaf burgers and tacos
You just defined the opposite of close with your family.
You love them but you don’t feel close to them. He represents a new feelings.
It’s good but you also need to search inner strength to know that having someone doesn’t mean always being with them. It’s not supposed to be an emotional crutch.
That could drive him away as well. He needs to know you can get things done when he’s not around. That happens in life.