We cheated on each other in the past and he's the only man I want to be with, really don't go together in one sentence. If he really was the only man you wanted to be with you wouldn't of cheated.
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Sometimes you have to be abrasive to get your point across. If you allow yourself to be someone’s doormat, they’re going to wipe their feet on you wherever possible. He’s making you uncomfortable right now. Stand up for yourself and tell him you aren’t interested…and if it makes shit uncomfortable, that’s not your problem or fault.
Go to couples counseling, but don’t just concentrate on your wife’s needs, couples counseling is about both of your needs together. It is a great neutral environment to discuss your concerns and find solutions and work on communicating with each other. But it takes time.
Take your wife out on a date. If you can see if you can go away for the weekend or even overnight. Spend time together, talking and listening to one another.
You are feeling insecure right now due to your history with insecurities. Trust that you can with the help of therapy get back to a place that you feel more secure. You should also be honest with her and tell her that if her communication with the person is truly effecting you, you should be honest and ask her to limit her time communicating with this person to only work related issues while you work through your problems and get reconnected. It is not selfish to ask for her to limit her time communicating, your relationship is far more important and your wife needs clarity to see that and this person could be clouding her ability to do that.
You may also think about therapy for yourself to feel more secure in who you are and what you need and want in a relationship.
The wound is still fairly fresh. It’s going to take a while before you will trust someone again. Taking your time to heal and become stronger will benefit you so much. Stick with your therapy and focus on healing for now. You’re a great guy. There is someone special out there who will love you and not hurt you.
I don’t want to be with him. I’m asking for advice about how to handle this specific situation because I don’t want to sabotage a good relationship in the future. Was I out of line here? Or was this a normal response?
Girl don't allow someone to tell you more than once they don't want you. That man doesn't like you, pick up your self-esteem and go where you're loved!
That’s all good. It’s a friend trip. But be prepared if eventually you do have another friends’ trip in the future and then one or more of your friends brings their SO. It works out this time because no one has an SO to bring. Your boyfriend may not be too happy about it then but that is a future problem to deal with.
You asked if you and your friends are being rude by not inviting him – did you even check with your friends if they even wanted to invite him? Right now it sounds like a ‘You’ decision that your boyfriend is not going.
I don’t see what’s the big deal is letting a drunk female coworker sleep on the couch, better than letting her try to get her way home in a Uber and some weirdo taking advantage of her
She is a cheater. No other way around it. Either deal with it or have some self-respect and divorce her. You deserve better. There's no possible scenario where she wasn't cheating on you. Your call probably interrupted and that's why she seemed upset with you.
Yeah, leave. Seriously- he's eyeball fucking every woman in the room. He's beyond obvious. No, not every guy is like this and I would never, ever settle for being paid attention to ONLY when I was the only woman in the room.
I like the conjecture everybody's spouting to this. So lemme just put in my lil 2 cents in. What this sounds like is somebody told her something she thinks he should already know. Either someone said they heard he was tearing it up, trying to cast negative light on him, in essence him bragging and iying. Or someone rumored something horrible to her about him from sources she trusts. Think abusing a friend, sexual assault, rape, something serious.
I Guess Im trying to navigate this line between our sex as a reward for me when I’m good or if I’m being productive and helpful she feels like having sex because that turns her on.
He didn't change his views. He hid them from you until you were committed, and deeply so. Then he revealed them to you, and was going to strong-arm you into them hoping the sunken cost theory would play to his benefit.
I've been around and dated evangelicals. This is the process.
That's not what I ideally suggest but you can do that as well.
Explain that just because he sees it that way doesn't mean she does.
Reverse the roles here. If your make colleague was doing this same stuff as his co worker would he be OK and comfortable??
We cheated on each other in the past and he's the only man I want to be with, really don't go together in one sentence. If he really was the only man you wanted to be with you wouldn't of cheated.
What advice do you want?
It would help if you could describe what's happening right now.
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I don't think it would bother me, but I get why you wish she would have at least checked with you first.
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Posts must:
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
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Seems like a troll post.
Tbh good riddance you deserve someone who can genuinely trust you
This is the answer
Sometimes you have to be abrasive to get your point across. If you allow yourself to be someone’s doormat, they’re going to wipe their feet on you wherever possible. He’s making you uncomfortable right now. Stand up for yourself and tell him you aren’t interested…and if it makes shit uncomfortable, that’s not your problem or fault.
Go to couples counseling, but don’t just concentrate on your wife’s needs, couples counseling is about both of your needs together. It is a great neutral environment to discuss your concerns and find solutions and work on communicating with each other. But it takes time.
Take your wife out on a date. If you can see if you can go away for the weekend or even overnight. Spend time together, talking and listening to one another.
You are feeling insecure right now due to your history with insecurities. Trust that you can with the help of therapy get back to a place that you feel more secure. You should also be honest with her and tell her that if her communication with the person is truly effecting you, you should be honest and ask her to limit her time communicating with this person to only work related issues while you work through your problems and get reconnected. It is not selfish to ask for her to limit her time communicating, your relationship is far more important and your wife needs clarity to see that and this person could be clouding her ability to do that.
You may also think about therapy for yourself to feel more secure in who you are and what you need and want in a relationship.
I can’t get over that he also thinks this is ok to have his employees do.
The wound is still fairly fresh. It’s going to take a while before you will trust someone again. Taking your time to heal and become stronger will benefit you so much. Stick with your therapy and focus on healing for now. You’re a great guy. There is someone special out there who will love you and not hurt you.
I don’t want to be with him. I’m asking for advice about how to handle this specific situation because I don’t want to sabotage a good relationship in the future. Was I out of line here? Or was this a normal response?
Girl don't allow someone to tell you more than once they don't want you. That man doesn't like you, pick up your self-esteem and go where you're loved!
That’s all good. It’s a friend trip. But be prepared if eventually you do have another friends’ trip in the future and then one or more of your friends brings their SO. It works out this time because no one has an SO to bring. Your boyfriend may not be too happy about it then but that is a future problem to deal with.
You asked if you and your friends are being rude by not inviting him – did you even check with your friends if they even wanted to invite him? Right now it sounds like a ‘You’ decision that your boyfriend is not going.
It’s not about how much is in the contraceptive but how much ends up being in your body. Hormones are extremely complicated matter
I don’t see what’s the big deal is letting a drunk female coworker sleep on the couch, better than letting her try to get her way home in a Uber and some weirdo taking advantage of her
She is a cheater. No other way around it. Either deal with it or have some self-respect and divorce her. You deserve better. There's no possible scenario where she wasn't cheating on you. Your call probably interrupted and that's why she seemed upset with you.
Yeah, leave. Seriously- he's eyeball fucking every woman in the room. He's beyond obvious. No, not every guy is like this and I would never, ever settle for being paid attention to ONLY when I was the only woman in the room.
You can do so, so much better than this.
I like the conjecture everybody's spouting to this. So lemme just put in my lil 2 cents in. What this sounds like is somebody told her something she thinks he should already know. Either someone said they heard he was tearing it up, trying to cast negative light on him, in essence him bragging and iying. Or someone rumored something horrible to her about him from sources she trusts. Think abusing a friend, sexual assault, rape, something serious.
The stories I've read on this post haha I love it
I Guess Im trying to navigate this line between our sex as a reward for me when I’m good or if I’m being productive and helpful she feels like having sex because that turns her on.
How exactly do we know that she is his girlfriend?
He didn't change his views. He hid them from you until you were committed, and deeply so. Then he revealed them to you, and was going to strong-arm you into them hoping the sunken cost theory would play to his benefit.
I've been around and dated evangelicals. This is the process.
Do with that what you will.