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Date: October 11, 2022
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I know reddit’s response is always to just dump them but that really is the answer here.
A lifelong partner is supposed to be there for you during nude times and good times. In a marriage (which you may or may not ever want) one of the most common and traditional vows said is “I take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death”, or some variation. Partnership means being there for your significant other when they are doing great and when they’re recovering from trauma.
I’m not saying your partner has to accept never having sex. Desiring intimacy and sex is normal, and oftentimes such a great desire that it is considered a borderline need. Despite this, however, your partner should not prioritize this extreme want over your literal health. This shows that he does not care about you.
Even further, your partner is demonstrating that he cannot be there for you in sickness and in health. He only wants to be there with you when you have nothing bad in your life. That is not a true partner, that is a selfish person who can’t handle reality. He may not have signed up for an SO with trauma, but when you choose to make a life with someone, you choose to be there for them when shit happens.
Your boyfriend doesn’t care for you, doesn’t support you through your healing process, and disrespects your relationship and everything you’ve built together by asking for an open relationship. It’s going to be tough, but I recommend breaking up with him immediately.
He's clearly abusive, get an abortion, leave him, and never look back. Block all contact.
He will try and fuck with you, call you names, make himself the victim, guilt you. And once he realized none of that is working he may become angry and violent.
These are all traits of abusers and Narcissists.
Plan your exit strategy to get everything separated and out of his place in 1 day, and if you can (and I really really recommend it) bring a friend or family. They don't even need to help you, they are your witness if your boyfriend tries to assault you, they are there to make sure the transition happens smoothly. Once you are out then figure out what happens then, you can have a week or two rest period between leaving him and finding a safe place to stay, doesn't all need to happen in a day. Just have someone you trust help you through the first half.
Consider this a blessing. You found out who she really is before you married her! If you had found out after the wedding, it would have been much worse. Leave her and don’t look back. The right woman is out there. In the meantime, be careful with your drinking and use much discretion with the best friend. You’ve got this!!
I feel like after one date, it’s not my right to ask for different texting style.