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Date: September 25, 2022
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It sounds as if he is having a mental breakdown and reaching for anything and everything.
He's projecting and is not completely being open about his feelings in terms of the pregnancy and likewise.
You have to ask yourself some naked questions and you both need to visit those questions either together or alone.
Example:
When did his attitude change? Has he remained consistent and constant? Has he expressed his feelings about this pregnancy and if so was I willing to listen to his thoughts about it aswell? What can I do to protect myself from his constant changing energy? Do we need to see a couples therapist? Does he need to speak to someone? Pastor? Priest?
Etc….
Please be safe and don't stress, you have a little one growing in you.
I wouldn't read it as any kind of a sign good or bad. There are a lot of ways to interpret that question. Maybe she's trying to get a feel for what sort of woman you find attractive (good sign) but more likely she's just making conversation (neutral sign.) There's no real way to know.
If you like her just ask her out on a date. You aren't going to get anywhere just texting back and forth.
Classic abuser. Get out. It will not get better.
Your title says he doesn't seem to care about expressing empathy but he IS trying to reach out. You mention you know how guys' mental health is undervalued, but keep in mind that with this comes the fact that people who have not been taught how to express emotions are also not taught to have the same responses that somebody from a more emotionally encouraging upbringing would expect.
Some people are also more literal and if you say you don't want to talk about it or are vague they will drop it because they want to be respectful of your feelings and not seem like they're pushing.
You said this is your first time being sad around him. He's not dismissing you, you just BOTH need to learn what the other expects in these situations since it has literally never happened before between you two.
Have you tried to understand where his responses are coming from? For example here's how it may have played out:
Him (attempting to reach out, this is his equivalent of saying “hey what's wrong you can tell me”): tells you you seem sad
You: it's just one of those days yknow
Him (assumes you're being vague because you don't want to talk about it): doesn't push you on the subject and talks about other things (maybe trying to get your mind off things)
Keep in mind also that since this played out over the phone you are lacking any physical indicators of support he may have expressed — maybe he would have given you a hug or held your hand while you collected your thoughts?
You need to nip this in the bud and be direct about your expectations and try as naked as possible to remind him of your needs in the moment while you are having a bad time. Even mental health professionals with all their training need us to be telling them what's up in our heads in order for them to best help us. What one person learned as “emotional empathy common sense etiquette” is different from what another person may have learned. Don't assume the worst about your bf, just talk to him otherwise you would be the one being unempathetic.
I can understand why you lied to her about talking to somebody about it. She probably would have flipped out in the same type of way if you were honest about telling somebody. It probably would have been for the best if you were just honest with her about it though because now she will just use the fact that you talked with somebody and lied about it against you, probably repeatedly.
Based on everything you've written, I don't think the relationship has much of a future. You've put forth a lot of effort trying to work on the relationship as far as communication and counseling goes, but having to on-line under a constant threat of the marriage being over is not a life people should have to live!.
Honestly, if it were me, I would probably move on. You are still young and would be able to find someone who would actually treat you with respect. I'm not sure there's any path to getting her to understand why you lied about talking to somebody else about it. I don't think it's really fair she would expect you to keep it bottled up inside for the sake of a marriage that she seems to be looking for a way out of.
“I never lied or cheated” is a pretty low bar. It’s rare women leave a marriage for no reason, particularly if there are kids involved.
People usually leave relationships where they don’t feel loved, supported, safe and seen. No one gets divorced because their friends told them to.
It’s also very rare that people don’t tell their spouse they are unhappy. What there to happen is they say they are unhappy for years, nothing changes. They stop mentioning it and then they leave. The other spouse tells everyone it came out of no where, she didn’t say anything. Meanwhile she’d been saying things for years.
2 years getting to know someone, and viewing moving in with her as a chore seems like a good enough reason to presume he doesn’t see her long term. If anything, 2 years, I’d be ecstatic to see my girlfriend of all people more often.
lmfao and you’re trying to gatekeep a degree. Let’s talk when you’ve gone beyond undergrad