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EMMA, ❤️❤️❤️, y.o.
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Date: October 26, 2022
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To be honest, I don't know what to take from it because a lot of it is white noise. I don't know what to take from it other than a very wordy airy lot of nonsense that is packed into “I'm not interested.”
Some people, when they say “no” feel the need to say “Oh, you're this and you're that and this is why I don't want to date etc…” As if a short dating period suddenly means they can see into entirely who you are and tell you about yourself. It's a great way to feel paranoid about your self worth if you take it at face value.
I've had friends share similar break up message, I kind of feel that a term needs to be coined for this kind of thing. “The Philosophy Boy Bullshit Breakup” sounds too wordy. But it all boils down to.
“So yeah, I'm like totally happy with friends but just not looking right now. I might be looking if you were emotional available but you're umm… so totally unavailable and stuff. Like I'm with the squirrels, all up the trees and stuff, and you're not with the squirrels, like an angry goose and I don't think you can be happy if you keep being all kinds of umm… yeah… goose and stuff.”
In reality, I reckon that breaks down to:
“So we dated, had some good times but I wasn't feeling the relationship vibe but I like sex so things kept going and we had sex, and that was good stuff but now we've had sex and maybe another date or two… and more sex, I'm ready to move on… and now have to put that in a way that makes me not look bad.”
I've sort of had that myself and, whilst I'm a guy, I see no reason to view this differently for men or women. “I dated someone, had some (hopefully) good sex, I was interested but they weren't, it hurts a bit but there were enough good times to make it not feel like wasted time, time to move on…. but holy crabsticks their break up text makes them look like a muppet.”
“I was told you cheated on me with XYZ this summer, is this true?”
The response may tell you what you need.
Alternatively, stealth look for messages.
Why the hell would you want to connect on a dating app with someone that much older than you?
Are you looking for something serious and long term? If so, then even if he is a wonderful, not-creepy guy who becomes your life partner, he'll be senile and geriatric and most likely impotent while you're still in the prime of life, and he'll leave you a young widow. And any kids you have together (if you both want them) will likely lose their father when they're too young.
Also, why would he want to connect with someone so much younger than him? That alone is very suss.
You can do better.
She's strongly implied she will leave me the burden of all of our debt (mortgage, cars, student loans, etc)
My ex wife didn't imply anything because she had lost the ability to only tell me her true motives when she was angry
She made it perfectly clear she wanted as much as she could get and i was just an ATM to her, then she had the house stripped bare when i was a work
She didn't pay any CS as our kid stayed with me 7/7 but did claim it for her fictitious child when she moved.
She was a lovely human being
So, my advice being someone that did act when they heard this line of attack.
Now is the time for two things, clear and specific legal advice about your circumstances, start at 50/50 responsibility and debt ownership or asset/savings ownership
Then math, math and math, soak up any divorce law you can read live covering where you live, it might save to 5/6 zero's
Work out your worst case scenario and then what leverage you have to negotiate “your” divorce terms with both of the above.
My ex was money hungry and debt avoidant to be nice about it, i dangled cold quick cash like mistletoe, with the threat of zero payout for years otherwise
You need to work out your cheatcode
You'll note your emotions do not come into this, nor your feelings about your marriage.
It's because you can't see the picture when you're in the frame dude.
You have been targeted for paying the bill and a guarantee you, it's only a matter of when
Putting your ducks in rows is what you need to be thinking about without letting on at all
Those words scream that she is duck aligning herself
Winter is coming
Yikes, definitely be cautious and wary. Your father and his new gf talking marriage after only a couple weeks of dating never ends well. I wish you the best of luck.
Umm…. Have you played with a 2 year old for hours straight? It mushes your brain. Taking a her break when 2 year old is sleeping is normal. Do you not take breaks during work?
Also instead of resenting her about chore load, and no she doesn't get to just do everything now as you are a grown arse man and she is your wife not your mom or housekeeper, why not ask if she can take on a couple extra things on days when possible… Or if she can be in charge of passive chores throughout the day like moving laundry along or getting one load of dishes done earlier in the day so you can do a second batch of dishes later in the day. Communication and figuring out a new routine for this new situation. Novel, but probably better than just assuming she's doing nothing cuz you see her on her break doing break things.
Yes. Let's not gender bash.
I am guessing they will just have to get you to accept that this is your fault and just to get over it
Not to mention, if you do decide to go through with it, prepare for your BIL to never trust you with any personal information ever again. You’re losing someone that can be an ally to you if you plan on marrying into the same family.
Dang, already deleted. The hallmark of the OP who just wanted selfish validation, not reality.
You are not a therapist or his maid. He’s treating you like the giving tree not a partner.
Are you autistic? Do you often have problems reading social queues?
I am not sure it is reasonable.
If OP would be a homebody, it would definitely be reasonable. But OP is out almost all the time: job, sports, activities, bars. The Sundays afternoon is the time when she wants to rest. Just like the most of us, before starting a new week.
It is much more reasonable for a gf to plan a visit when OP is out – after all op plays basketball at least twice a week at the same time. Or, if Sundays are non negotiable, gf should to her friend's place.
It is gf desire and entertainment to meet with friends, it is what gf needs, so it is up to her to make some sacrifices.
Also to add to your question, he won’t apologize because he’s NOT SORRY.
He’s 35 and I’m around that age.. when we were teens the Chinese 2nd child law was making headlines all over our TVs and docs on adopting the children were really pushed to us here in America. I too, for a very long time would only want to adopt from China after seeing all the children’s sad little faces. It was gut wrenching.
I honestly think it’s more this then the idea some people are saying – that he’s fetishizing the child? That’s a really far reach and kind of disturbing how that’s the first place everyone goes..
Honestly that’s the only adoption I’ve even seen in the states. When I went to adopt, Chinese adoption was the cheapest and had the easier hoops to jump through – at the time. But that was quite awhile ago so I doubt it’s still the same.
I have a few friends that are adopted Russian girls and their parents were fed a lot of propaganda back in the 80s about Chernobyl and so they had a Russian adoption “fad” as well.
I think maybe we watch videos of heartbreak and want to help and then associate that feeling with the children we see in the videos. I’m not saying it’s the best behavior.. or right or wrong.. simply stating that’s probably what’s going on.
Paragraphs are your friend.
Be honest, compassionate, but clear. “Hey, GF. We need to talk. We've grown close in these last six months, and I know you are having some strong feelings. I care about you, and that's why it's nude for me to say, but it's also important that I do. I need to be on my own for a while. You haven't done anything wrong, you've been a great girlfriend, and you are a wonderful person. This truly isn't about you, I'm not ending this to date someone else. I just need to be on my own right now, and therefore I'm ending our relationship. I wanted to tell you once I came to this realization, because I respect you and care about you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to give you what you deserve, and that just isn't me.”
You need therapy, no offense but a healthy person would have left long before this. And for some reason you're still looking for reasons to stay. Love isn't enough, you're old enough to know this, why would you stay after he threatened to kill your cat????? Over sex?????
Sounds like you want passion, affection, adoration and all of the romancey bells and whistles we often receive in a loving relationship. I don't think you are wrong for wanting that and for feeling short changed in that department.
He sounds like the type to take an anchor. He would rather grab the safe and easy (no offense) then the harder and possibly the deeper. He sounds content to online out a life of companionship. But yeah, I don't think he is going to wring your love bell any time soon and 26 is awful young to give up hope for that…imo.
Where OP is wrong is that she either should have told him when they first started getting serious, or preferably never. There was honestly no good reason to tell him that, that is a “take it to the grave” secret. But if she was going to decide that she absolutely had to tell him, the best time was 10 years ago, and the second best time was a year ago.
Right now, they are desperately trying for a kid. They want one badly, and he is willing to pay for extremely expensive options. So her saying “Oh yeah like ten years ago, I aborted a kid that could have been yours.” I guarantee what he took away from that is that he could have been a father, and could have had a kid he was raising already; it is clear he wants to be a father, so he is now thinking of all the lost time.
She should have never told him, telling him was cruel. There is no undoing this.
I think you really need to play up the not feeling safe around him bit.
i did EVERYTHING my ex wanted and he still cheated on me.
Yep, I always see people on reddit recommending STD tests ASAP, but then everything shows up negative and the person thinks they're okay, and maybe goes back to sleeping with other people. If it was truly a sketchy encounter, they need to be aware of incubation periods and test accordingly.
Eh, I think in your 30s it’s fair within a month. Basically, once you know you’re generally compatible as humans it’s time to talk deal breakers like whether you want kids, how you imagine your future, etc
She hasn’t really brought them up, I was just seeing if they could be making it worse
Next date ask where they see themselves in 3-5 years. See where their mind is at before dropping a big bomb after one hook-up.
Leave them