I’m thinking 1/3. But yeah I’ll ask. I know he lived with an ex a long time ago and it was the same situation. I am thinking asking what their arrangement was. Although I think she was also a roadie from what I gather so might be somewhat different.
I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it but clearer communication in group settings would be nice. I guess I made mistake of assuming that our band would play, but I was asking him about it. He could have specified.
All the things everyone has said, and also: please go to bed angry.
This whole “don’t go to bed mad” is utter nonsense invented by “relation help” authors and perpetuated by fancy Pinterest farmhouse signs. No situation is made better by two tired people staying up to continue arguing.
Go to bed mad. Get some fucking sleep. Work out your issues (sad spoiler alert: your marriage isn’t going to work out) the next day.
We are in the same class group. And socialise among the same 50 people. Its really nude to avoid him. Also, there's no fucking place to go outside of this campus. And it messes with my mind.
oh, hell no. from there on out I'd be as petty as possible, label all my food (or even find a secure place to store it so he can't get it) as mine and make sure he's aware he's not welcome to it, and make sure I'M fed without ever worrying about him. he wants to complain? tell him, “oh but honey, remember? dinner's so easy! it only takes 30 seconds to take the chicken out of the freezer…” then blow him a kiss and eat dinner behind a closed door, alone. if he wants it all to be on you, show him what it's like to be responsible for his own self, let alone two people.
nothing about his response was acceptable and I'd genuinely be questioning why my partner doesn't want to hear me out and help me when I'm struggling. seems like he's happy to have you as a meal ticket without ever considering what it's like for you.
he doesn’t think their personal lives should matter
Wait, I thought it was because of his kid? Now it's that personal lives shouldn't matter? Sounds like he's moving the goalposts to find a reason not to tell her about you.
I'll be very honest, this whole situation sounds shady at best. There are multiple concerning things here. How long have you been together? I'm assuming not very long since he just ended his last relationship a year ago. This is a lot to put up with for a man. You're young and there are so many people out there. Why this guy and this complicated situation?
Consider any future children with your boyfriend. I highly doubt he'll ever want to cut his father off, and he'll most likely want his kids to interact with this man. Think about if you two have girls in the future, and think about what this man will be doing to them when he gets them alone for any reason. Think about how the family will hide it and ostracize you and your daughter(s) for those claims, and your boyfriend may not even believe you and your children. For the sake of your potential future daughters, I don't think this is a family that you want to become a part of.
All of this isn't even considering the fact that your boyfriend has accepted what his father has done, made peace with it, and decided to treat him normally after all of this, which brings your willingness to date him and possibly marry into this family morally questionable. If your boyfriend recognized what his father did and actively cut off ties, that would be different, but he's clearly not going to do that.
with all due respect, giving head to a penis and a vagina are totally different experiences. some people aren't into either. but if you're curious about the difference, try giving a realistic blow job to a cucumber or something for only one minute and see how you feel. when giving someone with a vagina head, the giver is pretty much in control. you can get air, move around, explore other areas, etc. now obviously i'm biased as i clearly enjoy one more than the other (everyone is different), but it's a whole different ballgame with a dick down your throat.
it could be related to trauma, it could be related to anything. obviously lots and lots of people love sucking dick, but many just find it incredibly uncomfortable. the only way you'll know is to ask. bring it up at a time when you're not having sex or about to have sex, and try to understand how she feels. then consider whether you can be happy long term with her answer.
Does the relationship add to your life and happiness? Does it bring you feelings of happiness and security?
Is your life better with this relationship than without it?
I’m thinking 1/3. But yeah I’ll ask. I know he lived with an ex a long time ago and it was the same situation. I am thinking asking what their arrangement was. Although I think she was also a roadie from what I gather so might be somewhat different.
I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it but clearer communication in group settings would be nice. I guess I made mistake of assuming that our band would play, but I was asking him about it. He could have specified.
Do you know his name yet? Because it sounds an awful lot like there's someone else in the mix here.
All the things everyone has said, and also: please go to bed angry.
This whole “don’t go to bed mad” is utter nonsense invented by “relation help” authors and perpetuated by fancy Pinterest farmhouse signs. No situation is made better by two tired people staying up to continue arguing.
Go to bed mad. Get some fucking sleep. Work out your issues (sad spoiler alert: your marriage isn’t going to work out) the next day.
We are in the same class group. And socialise among the same 50 people. Its really nude to avoid him. Also, there's no fucking place to go outside of this campus. And it messes with my mind.
oh, hell no. from there on out I'd be as petty as possible, label all my food (or even find a secure place to store it so he can't get it) as mine and make sure he's aware he's not welcome to it, and make sure I'M fed without ever worrying about him. he wants to complain? tell him, “oh but honey, remember? dinner's so easy! it only takes 30 seconds to take the chicken out of the freezer…” then blow him a kiss and eat dinner behind a closed door, alone. if he wants it all to be on you, show him what it's like to be responsible for his own self, let alone two people.
nothing about his response was acceptable and I'd genuinely be questioning why my partner doesn't want to hear me out and help me when I'm struggling. seems like he's happy to have you as a meal ticket without ever considering what it's like for you.
Be wary of men who call their exes “crazy.”
he doesn’t think their personal lives should matter
Wait, I thought it was because of his kid? Now it's that personal lives shouldn't matter? Sounds like he's moving the goalposts to find a reason not to tell her about you.
I'll be very honest, this whole situation sounds shady at best. There are multiple concerning things here. How long have you been together? I'm assuming not very long since he just ended his last relationship a year ago. This is a lot to put up with for a man. You're young and there are so many people out there. Why this guy and this complicated situation?
Consider any future children with your boyfriend. I highly doubt he'll ever want to cut his father off, and he'll most likely want his kids to interact with this man. Think about if you two have girls in the future, and think about what this man will be doing to them when he gets them alone for any reason. Think about how the family will hide it and ostracize you and your daughter(s) for those claims, and your boyfriend may not even believe you and your children. For the sake of your potential future daughters, I don't think this is a family that you want to become a part of.
All of this isn't even considering the fact that your boyfriend has accepted what his father has done, made peace with it, and decided to treat him normally after all of this, which brings your willingness to date him and possibly marry into this family morally questionable. If your boyfriend recognized what his father did and actively cut off ties, that would be different, but he's clearly not going to do that.
According to another post, OP already has a kid, which seems like important information to me but… hm yeah
Well that’s step one. If he pushes you away for just trying to talk about it then he’s not the one bro
with all due respect, giving head to a penis and a vagina are totally different experiences. some people aren't into either. but if you're curious about the difference, try giving a realistic blow job to a cucumber or something for only one minute and see how you feel. when giving someone with a vagina head, the giver is pretty much in control. you can get air, move around, explore other areas, etc. now obviously i'm biased as i clearly enjoy one more than the other (everyone is different), but it's a whole different ballgame with a dick down your throat.
it could be related to trauma, it could be related to anything. obviously lots and lots of people love sucking dick, but many just find it incredibly uncomfortable. the only way you'll know is to ask. bring it up at a time when you're not having sex or about to have sex, and try to understand how she feels. then consider whether you can be happy long term with her answer.