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Goldie, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 18, 2022
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Only you know in your heart if it was a mistake and if you never meant for her to find them. If so, do NOT feel bad for it happening. She should have more trust in you and understanding.
You know you have two options. Stay with her and hope that the love is enough between you two to not just survive this but any other things that happen in life that could be coincidental and mistakes. Or go your separate ways and know you need someone more secure and trusting in you and understanding.
How much do you two love each other? Have you done anything to cause her distrust in you?
Me personally I would tell my partner that while I am genuinely sorry she had found it that I did nothing wrong and that she either has to accept and trust you and not judge you or it’s time she found someone perfect and all the best in her endeavors.
When ppl have an issue with large age gap relationships, this is at least partly why. This man has you, after only a few months:
1) doubting your own thoughts and who you are 2) doing sexual things you don't want to do, and getting mad if you don't 3) unable to leave because he yells at you 4) feeling obligated to be a mother to his child
And because of your age and inexperience, you can't see that this is an abusive, toxic relationship.
Gather your support system and leave.
Nope. You should move on. You’ve made your intentions known and she isn’t ready or interested. Find someone else.
This sounds like the dumbest move, but then ahain, I haven't been in this sotuation.
Best friend? Just how long have you known her? It sounds like you definitely got married too soon, but what are you at 27 doing with someone who is currently only 22? You chose someone way too young for you. Sure, go to yhe marriage counselor. But go to your own therapist to figure out why you're making these not-great choices.
Saying your sorry and that you want to forget about the past doesn't mean you have atoned for the hurt you may have caused. If you haven't fixed the behavior that caused the pain in the first place, then what good does it do to “wipe the slate clean?” You just want a fresh scoreboard to start running up new offenses. Divorce probably will be better for this marriage in the long run, as you don't seem to have any personal accountability.
You need to set incredibly firm boundaries and a timeline for that to happen. Otherwise you were going to waste away your life on someone who hates you.
You aren't describing a loving husband. Maybe he's having some sort of bizarre mental breakdown, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. If things don't start to change very quickly, you need to have a plan. You should get yourself into therapy starting tomorrow.
And the name of the escort was Einstein.
What's the rush? You two are logically strangers and you're firmly in the honeymoon phase wearing rose colored glasses. I honestly hope it works out, but you're about to experience a monumental change in dynamic. Good luck.
This. OP's communication skills and bitterness about finances is one problem, the other is that potentially his partner has gotten used to him making more and went out on a limb for a car that maybe took advantage of the fact that she gets to benefit from his income/savings/etc.
What a thoughtful and well-informed response. This sounds like a case of misogyny and poor raising from parents. One of OP’s responses even mentioned that her bf doesn’t respect her saying no during sex. Too often do I see people excusing horrendous behavior due to neurological issues and mental illness. It’s so sad and it lets abusers like this become protected.
You should have a hard time getting over that. That's just flat out creepy. What other creepy things is he still capable of?
Good point. A lot of people don't have good jobs so they don't care about this, but if the OP has a good one that treats her well and would like to stay there, this is definitely something to consider.
Of course it's not asking too much to have a partner who isn't verbally abusive. Of course he disagrees that he's treating you badly, because abusers always think you deserve their abuse. You can't get your point across to a person like your abusive bf except by leaving him.