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Hottie, ♥, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 22, 2022
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I'll add some more information about out relationship as well because I feel stuck, like I can't leave but I don't want to stay. I believe she may be manipulative and narcissistic. I enjoy my hobbies and I have a few of them. I enjoy playing the guitar, mountain biking, playing the occasional video game. My favorite hobby however, is disc golf. One day I wanted to go play disc golf and she wanted to come over. I told her I was gonna go play disc golf and she got upset (which happens often because she doesn't enjoy it.) I told her she could come with me, stay at my house and wait till I get back, or stay home and wait there. I was leaving when she pulled up to my house to “talk.” I was already in my car. She chased me with her car and followed me around and wouldn't leave me alone just because she didn't want me disc golfing. Often times she doesn't like me playing the guitar, not because she doesn't like it, but because she would rather me pay attention to her. She doesn't like me playing video games for the same reasons. I tried to break up with her once, she threatened to kill herself and/or drop out of college. I told her that wasn't okay and tried to leave it at that. One day the following week she finds out I'm at Walmart, finds my car, and pretty much ambushes me then follows me home. Once again threatens to kill herself and drop out, stating that nobody loves her or cares about her. Obviously I understand that this relationship is toxic and I need to gtfo but I can't figure out how to do it without making myself feel like a shit person in the process. Also, I know that I'm an idiot for staying in this relationship for as long as I have, but I think it's because it feels “comfortable” since I've known it for so long. I just need to end it.
I just wish I saw what I see now, you know? I was so naive and ignorant. I didn’t know anything. I was 23. I feel like I barely woke up at like, 26. It’s crazy haha
treat brother and his gf …the same…fight fire with fire..see how they like it
Yall are 22
Clearly this would be a club-festival outfit. So it would be in the dark or with a bunch of people that wear the same! (The numbers of butts and boobs I’ve seen at electro festivals is mind blowing!! And nothing happened to the girls it was the event’s aesthetic) Sometimes it’s just fun to be dressed sexy like everyone else.
I mean you guys are 22!! I’m well off in my 30’s and wished I had the confidence to wear such clothes back in my amazing 22yo body! Enjoy yourself, you’re in a committed relationship with your gf, what’s the worst that can happen?
Question yourself on what scares you and makes you uncomfortable?
the conversation drifted to sex
This is pretty vague. What did they say to one another?
There may be other issues like you say, but it’s their house so why not just respect their wishes? If you don’t like it consider staying somewhere else.
If she feels that you overstepped her sexual boundaries, and you feel like you might have done that too…
Just give her the space she asks for.
Honestly, the two of you sound like you have so much bad history and complex emotions that it almost makes sense to start over. But if you’re going to wait for her to work through her feelings, I think you need to be willing to wait as long as she wants to take.
Bro I'm ftm and I'd be getting a divorce if my wife did that
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He has a right to put what he wants on his body. You have a right to be disturbed and not like them. He’s aware you don’t like them and if he gets them your attraction to him will take a hit. This will affect your relationship. If he gets these violent tattoos you won’t want to go out anywhere w him. You’ll start to go out alone or w friends & start to resent him because he knows this will affect you negatively but he only cares about himself.
As tattoos do they represent you. What we put on our body has a reason behind it. I haven’t met anyone who has tattoos that they don’t mean anything. Including my wife & myself. Then to put those tattoos for everyone to see I think is more disrespectful to you & others. If people are shielding their kids from what he has now it’ll be worse if he gets these more violent ones.
So it’s a question of can you stay w him and be comfortable around him when you go out in public? If you have kids how are other parents to react if he takes your kid to other kid’s birthday parties, to their school etc etc? You’ve told him how they make you feel. And he has a right to do as he wants but his decision to do so will affect the relationship and he is aware.
Personally if my wife suddenly chooses to get violent or sexual tattoos for the public to see and it made me sick to look at them it’d be hot for me to stay and we’ve been together 31 years. However she respects me so if I told her she wouldn’t do it and neither would I because we respect each others opinions.
Is marriage so important to you that you would toss away a loving, committed relationship over it? He seems to be a good partner and father. Why ruin what you got with such an ultimatum?
Many poor men have been trapped by pregnancy. It's a way of keeping them in the relationship, not just about money. Pregnancy trapping is a real thing.
Yes also look into Betrayal Trauma as a possible area to focus on.
You know what the real asshole thing to do is? Cheating on your fiancee. Asking your fiancee for money when you're giving money to another woman. You need to find your backbone and leave this lying jerk. Let his mother and family sort everything out while you begin your life anew without a cheating jackass holding you back.
Addictions nurse here. If you already have anxiety, then definitely steer clear of cocaine. It has a very well known side effect of massive anxiety. Your bf is looking out for your best interest.
You are toxic as fuck.
My degrees are actually in biology and physical anthropology, but okay.
I'm really just looking for things to say to my girlfriend to convince her she is wrong about this
OP this person is using you. She does not care for you, she’s just very comfortable now. She can use the depression excuse to get out of chores and to have you to pay for trips. Meanwhile she is not searching for treatment or offering you ANYTHING in return. She doesn’t help at home, does not give you support or even love.
Is this what you want in life? She will not change.
I think you should discuss it with her just like you laid it out here. You’ll have to come to a mutual agreement about how you spend money at some point, I think it sounds like you feel like you always go her way when it comes to financial decisions and you could become resentful of that so it’s best to hash it out.
To me it sounds like you’re not at all being selfish in wanting something for yourself and if it’s affordable to you I don’t see why you couldn’t have a conversation and make that happen. I hope your talk goes well!
Simethicone (Beano, GasX, etc.) is a life-saver. Can you imagine him in a business meeting? You've seen those commercials! He needs to take this seriously for his own health and the well-being of those around him. Do you get the feeling he's saving them up for you? Or does do this all the time around other people? If so, he's really got a problem!
I think it's just a surprise that went badly. She's overwhelmed at work so leaving in the middle of the day probably didn't feel good. Buy her some flowers and tell her you're sorry and won't do this again. If you can think of a more coupley activity you can do together, then do that NOT IN WORK TIME
I think thats my main takeaway. It just went wrong, we need to talk about it.
Sorry I mean is this the first time you've posed this question to your OH? Not posted on here lol.
His reaction is definitely strange but not “throw the whole thing away” strange like most of reddit love, youd be better off asking him I feel, and if he continues to rinse and repeat the same over acting, that would be the bone of contention, cos I get it, been there done that, didnt last
Hope you work it out
It’s not fake. My mother told me she had feelings for him. I think he preyed on her vulnerability because she and my dad did not have a good relationship. She admitted to me she was jealous of the way he treated me. I haven’t talked to her since then. Trust me I wish this was fake. I haven’t been the same since the day I found out
“Rules for thee but not for me”. I'd be dicing this relationship before inevitable disaster.
In they were married … a year
Jeez people!!
His friends and his own mother think that she’s a good match for him because she’s a dominant woman and they look good together.
A) Do they tell you this directly? Or do they say this in front of you?
Or
B) Does your boyfriend tell you this, and you've never heard this from any other source?
If (A) then I would suggest you talk more with your boyfriend about what he should say when people bring this up. He needs to firmly reject these types of comments.
If (B) then consider the possibility that this just you BF saying this and he is interested in this woman. And possibly she is interested in him.
His friends even made him take several pictorial photos with her with her holding a bouquet of flowers because his friends made him. They think they are a “match made in heaven.”
How did this all happen? Have you seen the photos? Why did your BF agree to that? He could have said “No, I won't do this, it's disrespectful to my GF”
He told me that he’s not attracted to her at all and does not feel a hint of love towards her. I still feel hurt as everyone else keeps encouraging this despite them knowing he’s taken.
Is he actively telling people that he's dating you? And the he doesn't appreciate this matchmaking?
I know someone right now, who is having to walk away after the same type of crap after 49 years.
Dude, I need you to take a second to be cheesy and listen to me here: Think about your childhood dreams of partnership. What did you imagine it to be like? What did you hope for? You know you deserve someone who really loves and respects you, right? Maybe no one has told you that in a while but I'm telling you now. You deserve someone who loves you and respects you enough to be faithful to you.
Remember your school pictures? Can you imagine your chubby little 4th grader face for a second here? We can't let your girlfriend continue to treat him like this. Don't let him spend 49 years with someone who is behaving this way. It won't do either of you a lick of good.
Accountability is good, it is painful but it is an opportunity for growth. You've done all you can in this relationship, my friend. I'm sorry she's done this to you but this is a point of reckoning. If you return to the relationship, despite any admonition or boundary set, the bar will be lowered and a new rule will be applied in her mind. “Boundaries can be bent and broken when push comes to shove when getting my needs met.”
Make room for something better in your life.
I wouldn’t want to be with a guy if I I was his second choice among the friend group but that’s just me
You should also tell her to be careful. The fact that your girlfriend called her names and tried to lure her somewhere under false pretenses is a little scary. She now has her phone number.
Girlfriend seemed to have a lot of rage at a person who had nothing to do with anything. I’d be concerned she will try to get revenge or something.
This. Be an adult.
Ah, ok. Well first of all, inviting someone over to see your cat if there is obvious flirting going on, it's usually not taken as just “oh come see my cat”, she may have thought you were just using that as an excuse to get her over there. So she probably built up in her mind that something was going to happen physically between you two. She may be embarrassed now because she was quite drunk and read the situation wrong. If I were you, I'd tell her that you'd like to go on a date with her (IF you are interested in her). Then you're making your intentions clear with her. I'd be embarrassed too if I thought it was all one-sided on my part, which is how she may be feeling, but asking her out for a date makes it clear that it's not.
Not every situation warrants a need to see a therapist ?
Thank you, you are right it’s 100% a red flag and i will have to do something about it
Maybe she's not really a friend… I have had to reevaluate what the meaning of a friend is to me at certain junctions in my life. Sometimes you grow apart too. Does she have many friends? Do you? Sounds like you guys might also be a little codependent too
advice on what? staying with a cheater/gaslighter? how to use the block function on the phone, when you break up? I am not trying to judge you, I just want to give you advice to help you along in what you need..
you seem confused..why dont you, when you are done writing up a list of pros and cons, pretend it is from a friend and you didnt write it..then look at your situation through those eyes and see what advice you would give that person..that way the only excuse of 'but I love him' wont come into play….roleplay, its fun and that way you can clear up some of your confusion by seeing things objectively.
Where on earth is your self respect?
If this was happening to a friend of yours, you would tell her to leave.
Why haven't you left yet? Are you waiting until he teaches you a lesson by being physical?
He is deliberately playing mind games with you because your reaction feeds his sick soul.
GET OUT and find someone loving, kind and is a decent human being.
You're right