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“I never wanted to break up”
Then “we should see other people” is a horrible way to go about it. Either you did so out of ignorance or as a bluff. And she called your bluff.
If you are willing to play second fiddle then that's on you because she's clearly laid out who's more important.
You have an issue with their closeness… they said they both “understand” and… now they live together in another city apart from you.
Either that's a deal breaker for you… or you need to come to terms and beg for her back.
I'm not a fan of abasing yourself like that. I think you deserve better.
But you do you my man. Good luck.
If you’re at the status of seeing each other only 3 days a week, you’re not at “check in every night he goes out” status. Does that make sense? You’re probably not at a very serious point in your relationship yet, and so the nightly check ins are too aggressive. On-line your own life when you’re not together, he’s 37, I’m sure he can manage to get home safe at his age…
she’s just worried he’s going to burn himself out
That's what I read too. She's really concerned he is not treating himself in the ways she used to know he loved to previously. I think it's time to find out the current ways he likes to treat himself. Maybe him treating himself is creating date nights for them to be together. Maybe their definition of happiness itself has changed with their personal growth as well.
If my partner suddenly stopped doing almost all the things they used to do for pleasure I would be rather confused and worried too.
Just communicate with your partner.
She likely had one or two, and op's bf didn't see it as that big of a deal.
She likely has a few more now, in his mind “she's gonna continue doing this, I don't like it”.
Also, when you were young; did you communicate perfectly? Doubt it, you can educate people younger than you without assuming the worst. Trust me, as a young person myself, the worst thing you can do is do this sort of black and white thinking. I take everything adults say either, too seriously, or not seriously enough. You need to loon at this from a pov of two 18 year olds, not two fully functioning adults.
Jesus christ man, reddit is something else. It honestly astonishes me how the people on this app have such an inability to see things in a nuanced light.
I would try to look into work from home opportunities that might allow you to move out. Reach out to family and friends and see if anyone is able to support you or at least available to watch baby while you work. He isn’t going to change, and someone who loves you wouldn’t say those things especially when they’re drunk. Get out while you still can and your baby won’t have to experience being the victim of his anger.