I (21 F) want to ask my boyfriend (21 M) if we could start doing aftercare after we have sex but I don’t know how to bring it up

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So my boyfriend (21 M) and I (21 F) have been dating for almost 8 months and we have been sexually active since we first met. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with so I’m still learning what I like and don’t like, I had a basic idea of what I thought I would enjoy because of things I’ve read, watched, and looked up and one of those things is aftercare. The only thing about it is it’s mainly done with BDSM which is not the type of relationship that we have. I’m not sure if aftercare is something you normally would do after sex or if it’s just thing you do after scenes but it’s something I would like to do. After we have sex we get cleaned up and then he puts his clothes back on, gets back in bed while waiting for me, and then he gets on TikTok while I do my own thing laying next to him. But I want to not do that, I want to cuddle very hot with him while he plays with my hair or take a shower or bath together, words of affirmation are my love language and I would love it if he would say things like ‘you did a good job, I’m so proud of you’ ect. I know I should just tell him how I’m feeling I just don’t know how. Also is aftercare just for BDSM?

More Very hot Sex chats THERE!

From:
Date: February 19, 2023

5 thoughts on “I (21 F) want to ask my boyfriend (21 M) if we could start doing aftercare after we have sex but I don’t know how to bring it up

  1. She said it and there's no reason to assume she didn't mean it – your partner is trying to excuse for her crappy behavior to you and that's going to be a problem if it's not addressed. If he's building a life with you, he needs to put him mom in her place where it's not appropriate to be shitty to you. Unfortunately, if she's decided not to like you, there's really not much you can do other than avoid her when possible and be polite the rest of the time. At the end of the day, it's his mom and he needs to manage that relationship better.

  2. Why is it so impossible for y'all to imagine some people needing occasional alone time without it being a personal slight against their partner?

    My bet is that he could use some blissful relaxation too.

    Nothing is stopping him from doing so…

    But, it's not nearly as reasonable as you're making it out to be

    It might not be reasonable to you but it's not rare (and definitely not unreasonable) for partners to occasionally have time to do their own thing.

  3. You really have two issues here, both though are kinda related and they do lead into each other.

    So let's address the first one – the need for her to keep her ex's in her life whilst being with you.

    There are two trains of thought when it comes to ex's still being in someones life. The first is that the person wants to retain the underlying friendship (for whatever reason more often down to the length of how long they knew that person, family ties, etc), whilst the second is that there is still some emotional attachment that exists that never went away after the breakup.

    Normally when people split they go their separate ways, never to meet again. That's what most people expect and sure they may run into them from time to time, but often that disappears once they (or their ex) enter into another committed relationship. If there are deep bonds then you can expect that the ex may hang around and normally that is fine as long as boundaries are adhered to and it doesn't adversely impact on either persons current relationship.

    This though is not the case with your gf and her ex's. As you see, one ex is actively chasing her and far from doing the right thing and shutting it down, she is by all accounts quite happy to let it bubble along. The other ex it's almost as if she is chasing him. That is never a good thing.

    Which neatly leads into your second, and much bigger problem. She has lied about these guys to you the whole time.

    Not only has she openly lied to you about it, she has even gone to the extent of hiding her tracks. This is not the actions of someone who is “embarrassed”. This is the act of someone who was curiously wondering if maybe the ex is worth swinging back to and upon finding that they aren't now finds that they have to swing back to you.

    No wonder then that she wanted to keep it from you. She played a silly game, it blew up in her face and instead of not playing it in the first place, now has to resort to lying and hiding shit to recover what she almost threw away.

    You.

    So I guess you have two things to work out as to whether she is worth keeping around. Can you deal with someone who still has feelings for her ex's, and can you remain with someone who has found it quite easy to lie openly to you? And if you do forgive and stay with her, what will it be like forever keeping an eye on her and always wondering when the next time this happens is going to pop up. You know it will so do you really want to go through this all over again.

    And again, and again, and again?

    Is she really worth it and are you happy to always be her back up plan?

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