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INSTAGRAM: Maruchan__02, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 2, 2022
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Solution: Break up and find someone who actually cares about you and will work WITH you instead of cheating on you.
Are they still together?
You feel like you hurt somebody that you cared about, you've just made a huge life decision, and a relationship that was a massive part of your life has just ended. That's a lot to take in. It's perfectly natural to feel out of sorts in all sorts of ways. But please, give yourself a break. You don't have anything to feel guilty for.
You did the right thing for both of you. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt (hell, doing the right thing can hurt more than anything!), but remember that when you're feeling down. You did the best you could in the circumstances, and you are not resonspible for how he deals with things from here. He is responsible for himself. The world isn't neat and tidy and more often than not there is no neat resolution or “closure”. You just have to pick yourself up and keep going.
As for how to get over it, it's a cliche but it's also true: time. Everything will feel raw at the moment but time will pass and as you get a bit of distance between yourself and that situation it'll get easier.
With the amount of detail you wrote using a throw away is pointless, he'd know it was you in a heartbeat. You actually sound insufferable. He didn't propse because he wanted to, he did it because you were hassling him. Bring up marriage early and being ready to propose are not even in the same ballpark.
Except it was sexual assault and therefore is comparable to that.
Well, part of it is slowly deconstructing the ways you trap yourself, especially with words.
Like you insist love on his part but… well, perhaps as he is right now 'love' is not something he is really capable of. He can't communicate, he can't really be open. Yes, he is clearly invested and I don't doubt he 'wants' you to be his partner, but can a guy that incapable of processing feedback really be in love? Or rather, do you want to call that love? Because as I said, it seems like the beginnings of a trauma bond to me.
And once you take words like that away, you see it as just him anxiously clinging because he's scared of ending things despite not being able to offer a healthy dynamic, it becomes easier to let go. Because as it stands you insisting it is love makes you feel more sympathy, hold on to hope that 'love' will help him magically have a breakthrough or something.
And I get it. I am likely being too harsh in your eyes. But just be aware that framing and romanticising works against you here, inclines you to the benefit of the doubt or hope or whatever. And that is what is slowly eating you alive.