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1. Red flags, let me count them:

   denigrating your body/looks has sexual dysfunction (this is a red flag in itself for some unaddressed issue; if he can get it up sometimes, it's likely psychological and not physical) blaming you for his sexual dysfunction compares you negatively to his ex

   So what are the red flags FOR, you ask? Abuse, OP, abuse. “Grooming” someone for abuse is essentially the frog in the boiling water scenario. They don't start by hitting you: that would be throwing you straight into the pot of boiling water. They start by complaining about a small thing about yourself that you don't like or feel insecure about. They validate your insecurity, and then expand upon it. Then, once you've shown that you'll accept them denigrating you, they start blaming you for things that THEY do.

   It escalates from there. Each step is a test to see how much you'll take, but also a step closer to control and abuse.

   Leave this loser. He has NOTHING to offer you but pain.

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