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Jackie, 35 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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Honestly this is tough to answer, I've been in her place before and REALLY had to talk it through to get over it cause I couldn't get that image of him and her out of my head so I would say give her all the space she needs, wait for her to come to you cause it does take a toll
I really don’t think you or your spouse should be mad or upset about your or his past sex life. You’re together right now and married right now, but Yo…..this dude was like 27 when you were 16…the nerve of this loser to come up to you and your family to make small talk. He should most definitely be ashamed of himself, and you’d have been right to tell him to go fuck himself in front of everyone.
Apparently, depression in men can show up as anger and not sadness? Can you encourage him to get screened? Have you talked about this with him & how it's affecting you?
He does suggest solutions which he'll implement for maybe a day or so but then will just not keep it up. He's off work today and the first thing he said to me was “I'll be sure to do chores today!” and he's been playing his games since. He started dinner but then begged me to swap in so he could finish his game. My exam is in a week..!
He doesn't actually have an explanation which is normally when he gives in and says he will help more. Probably worth another conversation.
The grass isn't always greener. If you broke up with your gf now, would you regret it or would you regret all the fictional girls you didn't get?
She's protecting her friends from you. You made her feel like subhuman garbage, just a hole to fill. Put yourself in her shoes and maybe you'll begin to understand.
Lot's of sad news stories about how abusive relationships end in the victim's death. Leaving increases her survival rate and happiness.
I get your point, but “forcing” him to block her may lead to him just talking on discord and lying about it, at least now he tells me he talks to her and stuff.
But I fear he'll just lie abt it
Your roommate is being unreasonable. She's a full fledged adult. If something is actually wrong after her surgery, you aren't qualified to fix it anyway (unless you're a dentist). She doesn't need someone's undivided attention to bring her painkillers every 6 hours. She only needs you intermittently.
Also, why does she get to make the sole decision on houseguests?
He knows it's ridiculous now, but if someone told you everyday that the sky isn't actually blue it's red, after hearing it enough you start to question yourself
Nah, get out of this. I had the thought “bet he barely can wipe his own ass” bout half way through. Then hygiene was mentioned. I was like yup. Op needs to gtfo stat!
Friends celebrate each other's happiness and accomplishments. You aren't his friend.
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This is a long one and English isn’t my first language, so please excuse any spelling/ grammar.
My Fiancé and I have been together for nearly 6 years and engaged a few months ago. We’ve lived together for nearly 4 of those years (but not consecutively – year 2 of the pandemic I moved out to have some space as we lived in a 1 bedroom small condo + them working from home + me part time at home) We now online together again, renting a really beautiful historical house.
Since living back together, my frustrations within the relationship have been boiling over. Though we split all bills 50/50 I still end up doing majority of the house hold chores just like when we lived together before. Except this time we are in a house vs. A small condo the amount of cleaning is nearly tripled.
I’ve brought up my concerns with this a few times and am met with “just tell me what to do then.” It makes me want to scream and puts back the labour into me to delegate chores. (Which makes me feel like a mother rather than a partner) Additionally, part of me believes their lack of knowledge in how to do certain chores is them genuinely not knowing and other times, it’s them weaponizing their incompetence. This leaves certain chores done “half assed” and then I’m left to either ask for them to be done again or just do it myself.
Example 1: (this is very passive aggressive of me I know) I wanted to see if they would do just 1 chore unprompted, so I decided to stop sweeping the staircase for nearly 2 weeks. In my mind this is something they walk up and down every day and can see/ feel the dog hair and dust collect. Not once did he initiate picking up a broom. It was not until he saw me finally do it that he acknowledged how dusty the steps were looking.
Example 2: not knowing how to properly wipe the dog’s feet after getting wet, proceeding to dry 2 paws and saying “that’s as good as we’re gonna get” I snatched the towel, replied with a “for god sake”, picked up my dog and proceeded to wipe all 4 paws thoroughly while they left to go sit in the car.
We’ve also had so many conversations regarding their hygiene and the lack their of. I know mental health can play a roll in taken care of one’s self and won’t hold that against them. It again however, makes me feel like a parent rather than a partner; asking them when is the last time they showered / can you please shower. The same goes for their excessive farting and burping (I understand that it can’t be helped sometimes)They’ll make a point to absolutely rip ass and then try to pull me in close for a cuddle. Again making me feel like I’m with a teenager / child. This has also greatly effected our intimacy to the point where if I try to initiate they’ll reply with “I haven’t showered and it’s stinky down there.” And proceed to do nothing about it.
All of these frustrations have also left me to suspect that I too will be taking on the burden of care giver to his elderly parents. With his mom whispering in my ear “you’ll take care of me when I’m old.” as a half joke half serious after we got engaged. Along with navigating care for my estranged parents.(different story and too long to get into)
Bringing up counselling has also gotten me nowhere and I fear if I go through the marriage nothing will change and Regret it.
Feel like I could go on a rant about it all but will summarize:
Outside of this, we do however get along very well and he does make me laugh and is overall very kind. He’s not a bad person but I don’t know/ am struggling if we should be life partners or if I’m over reaching about trivial things.
I struggle with the thought of an ultimatum as these things seems so small in comparison to other posts I’ve been reading.
Do I stay and try to make it work or cut it off over searingly trivial behaviours?