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Jed, y.o.
Location: Flat Earth
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Date: October 16, 2022
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Something to add, is you told him you weren’t available and he took you at your word, which is what should happen in a healthy relationship. He had no reason to even think to ask you again, because he believed you the first time when you said you weren’t free. If he was then to say “if you’re not free I’ll have to ask my ex”, he would come across as blackmailing you into helping him, which is not what should happen in a relationship. The poor guy had 3 options: ask his ex, reschedule his presumably important surgery, risk injury or death by being alone or guilt trip you when you already made it clear you weren’t free. It is super unfair of you to be upset at him when he chose the best of a few bad options. You’re allowed to feel uneasy about it as we cannot control our emotions, but it is your responsibility to take accountability for the way you’re feeling and work it out within yourself, rather than blaming him for your reaction.
Anyway, I assume this is the comment you're talking about and it's not actually downvoted.
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Fickle Redditor
This idea is absolutely adorable! I am typically conservative, but something like this I would 110% be okay with! Most of the time its the issue of porn that a lot of women have a problem with. Because you're lusting after someone that isn't them and it makes them feel like trash; like they're not good enough.
However, if you were to do that, she would not feel badly at all. As long as jerking off didn't affect your performance in the bedroom. Some guys who jerk off daily sometimes find themselves having an ED moment and can't get it up in the bedroom & that can be incredibly humiliating for the girl & make them feel unsexy.
It also sounds like you have an addiction honestly if you can't go to bed without sex or masturbation. Maybe find another activity where it can put you to sleep easily (i.e. reading, watching TV, exercise, etc).
You both need to sit down together and talk seriously about what you both see happening. Is a long distance relationship possible for both of you? What are the long term goals if the relationship is able to keep up with the distance?
I don’t think being autistic is relevant here. He’s just a standard-issue a—hole. You don’t need that. End it.
I see your point, however, my biggest issue is the fact that i wonder what it says about my girlfriend that she feels it's ok to overlook certain personality traits in her friends…
I've ridden motorcycles and motor scooters for over 20 years without any serious accidents. Honestly, I wouldn't date anyone who will prevent me from riding a motorcycle.
Just take a safety class, buy the motorcycle, and save money to go to work.
Look, as an ACTUAL autistic person who is very, very good in bed (or at least that's what my partners have been telling me for the last 30 years, unbidden): I don't care how he's couching it in bullshit like “other than this you're the love of my life”. First of all, given his behaviour and specific comments, I find it very unlikely that you're even bad in bed at all. I think one of the other commenters is right, that he's not looking for real sexual compatibilty; he's looking for some sort of idealised porn nonsense. And not only are you not required to give that to him, he's absolutely broken if he's calling YOU “bad at sex” because you're not arching your back like an acrobat and making ridiculous faces at him.
But more importantly, and I need you to really pay attention to this bit: even if you were struggling with sexual compatibility, or needed to work on your skills in the bedroom, nobody ever EVER EVER improves in the bedroom by being humiliated, put down, and called names (unless, obviously, that is their very specific and previously discussed consensual kink, which in this case it clearly is not).
Your boyfriend or whatever he is (he certainly isn't a significant ANYTHING) isn't trying to help you improve your sexual relationship. He doesn't care enough about you for that. He is a perpetual adolescent who everyone here except you understands has an unrealistic expectation (likely informed by an overzealous porn habit) about what “good sex” is supposed to look like, and it has NOTHING to do with actual adult mutual sexual compatibility . . . and he is so sadistic and cruel that he thinks he can shame and abuse you into getting there.
That is not how healthy relationships work. Please GTFO of there and away from him. You deserve so much better.
You think and his actions are 2 different things. Talk to him again and hopefully you leave the conversation feeling better.