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Jenny, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 20, 2022
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Eh the purpose of some religion is good, others is power and control.
I'm not sure what type of Christianity he is, but there's some that are very much more “only Christians are good people” and very big about converting people to save their soul. Those types you can't be a live! and let live! about religion.
Frankly, I have to wonder if he's still happy in the marriage. Gifts from someone you love take on extra meaning, y'know?
If you weren't in a relationship she didn't cheat. If you were in a relationship she cheated.
If she didn't cheat and you don't want this to happen again then make it official.
You can't have the cake and eat it too. Don't expect rock solid loyalty from a person while refusing to commit to her.
Then go on the date and tell him but personally I would feel like I have been deceived. If you have this information now you should tell him and let him decide. I personally would cancel the date and not see you if you are moving away in a week.
After the honeymoon phase is when people's true colors come out. No more trying to impress each other, no pretenses, no more holding back thoughts, etc. If you are compatible, you enter a deep companionship, full of trust and love. If you are not compatible, you just get bored of each other or start fighting and getting resentful.
After the honeymoon is when the real relationship starts.
which I should have done all along
I think your timing is fine, a few months in is reasonable. Now is the perfect time.
I mean, you’re in a relationship with a shitty person. Stop trying to justify his shittyness by calling him “ignorant” about social issues. He’s plenty old enough to understand these issues. He’s not ignorant. He’s a shitty person. And you trying to justify why he’s ignorant instead of just shitty doesn’t help him. But it certainly hurts you (and women everywhere).
You’re with a shitty person. You should expect a shitty person to do shitty things. If those shitty things are a problem for you, as they should be, then don’t stay in a relationship with a shitty person. Problem solved.
I think you know what to do.
Find someone who will build you up, not tear you down.
This is not one teeny tiny issue that you just need to resolve and then you will online happily ever after. You need a reality check and to engage some critical thinking skills. He’s moved on and you’re putting your codependency ahead of your daughter’s wellbeing.
It would have been a reason to break up IF you didn't say what you said. But this is definitely on you. You literally got what you asked for.
Things that a relationship cannot survive without: trust, honesty, respect, and kindness/compassion.
It's early and she might just be overreacting, but I don't think I'd continue to invest in this relationship. Trust issues that pop up over something as innocuous as a joke would be a deal-breaker for me. If it's getting this bumpy 8 months in, what's gonna happen when you guys run into a real issue in your relationship? God forbid a financial issue?!?
Honestly, she sounds like she's had some traumatic experiences that make her unable to trust. That's not her fault necessarily, but it might mean that she's not emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship if she isn't capable of trusting her partner or if a joke sends her spiraling to this sort of extreme.
Also, that's 2 jokes that were pretty innocuous that rubbed her wrong. Are you sure that your personalities are compatible? Part of that kindness/compassion thing is not thinking the worst of your partner. I dunno man…this feels like an extreme reaction.