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Jess | next show 30 Oct | INSTAGRAM: Jessyumm1, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
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You need to have a sit-down talk with your sister about boundaries. Your sister can't need you all the time, and you should never have to prove yourself to her. It seems like she is less worried about you “not being your authentic self” and more about you progressing through life without her. People aren't stagnant. In the end, your sister can accept that you are your own individual or she can't. If she can, maybe start scheduling monthly visits with her so she feels less neglected.
You also need to tell her that she has to stop mothering you. She seems to have a very unhealthy and controlling idea of what that means. Also, it's ok to choose a long-term partner over your family- that isn't something she should even think is ok to shame you over.
If a full, open and honest conversation and compromise do not work, it might be time to go LC with your sister, at least for a little while. She sounds really, uncomfortably, controlling. In the end, though, you know your sister best, OP. I'm sure you'll figure out what's best. Good luck.
I have told her that and she told me she felt the same way. But the way that she is, she is very shy, she probably wouldn’t be the one to say it first
I disagree, Im being a good friend if I confront her about it. Im just as important as her. Ive been in his life longer. She is taking him away from fun and me.
I’m hoping to find ways to be more positive. I can edit out this part if needed because it is only meant for context. I still have a psych who is great, but I’ve been to more therapists than I can count on two hands and the best one I got wasn’t as good as it could be. I’d rather be able to pay my living expenses. I don’t know what other people are doing to get something out of this but I’m an open books so I won’t shy away from difficult subjects with anyone and I want them to know that I am a safe person to talk to. Therapy does not work for me and I’ve actually been getting through my dbt workbook better on my own whenever my partner needs space and have been making progress there. Please don’t fixate on the first lines. I am really struggling to find ways of being positive. Please let me know if you think of any. My partner has mentioned that I’m negative for over a year during when I was seeing this therapist. I would tell them I wanted to learn to be more positive and nothing, no pointers other than mindfulness and a gratitude journal and those don’t help to fall back on when you’re in the thick of it. I know my mental illness is making people write off the reason for my post, but please, if anyone has any ideas on how to be more positive that worked for them, I could really use them and am at my wits end.
It honestly sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. There was another Reddit story similar to this and the guy later admitted to purposely getting her a shitty ring so that she would break up with him and she’d look like the bad guy. I’m betting this is the same. It’s either that or he doesn’t really care what you want. Either way you need to seriously re-examine your relationship.
yes zero forever
This. People are way too lax about emotional cheating. No contact. I don't care if he loses his friend group over it, that's the choice he made when he chose to cheat. He can keep his AP and friend group or he can keep OP. Not both.
You say that's not the point. This is going to be sitting down and plainly telling him what you want to change.
4 months?!? You don't even really know each other!
Sit her down and have a talk about it, it's way too son. If she overreacts and doesn't want to have a proper discussion what your mutual plans going forward (including really see if you're compatible after the puppy phase), then you might have to end it.
Extreme scenario: Birth control and condoms, especially your condoms, not one she's ripped open and handed to you. Too much reddit, I know
Op you want to believe they only kissed as it makes it easier for you to swallow and easier to justify to anyone that asks. Seriously I know you know she slept with those guys as you know admitting that really only leaves you one choice. It is very strange for her to admit it now I suspect she run into one of her one night stands and is worried it will come out
No see if she turns him down I wonder if he’s supposed to “ just understand “?! ? And not utter a single negative comment. Hmmm ?