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Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
Edit to add: In my example I was not saying I should not have told my husband that a man kissed me. I was explaining that at the time my guilt clouded my ability to accurately describe the situation, and I made it seem like I was a willing and active participant.
If it happened to me today, 12 years later, I would be able to say “I was having fun and being flirty at the office party, and was flirting quite a bit with coworker x. I feel a bit guilty for flirting which is why it's difficult for me to describe what happened next. Later in the evening they were outside when I left. I thought we both happened to leave at the same time but I'm not so sure. It was freezing and they offered their cab to me as we were both headed in the same direction. In retrospect I recognize this was a dangerous situation to place myself in with a man I don't know very well who has been drinking. The fact that he was a respected coworker should not have impacted my judgment but it did, and having a driver there was not the protection I thought it would be. He took advantage of my closeness and did x, y and z. I pushed him off of me and left immediately. I want to tell you this not because I think you can't trust me but because I need your support in processing what happened to me.”
That is not at all what I said or how I said it, my guilt of thinking it was me who led the person on because I had been flirting with them led me to blame myself for the situation and it took a year before I was able to reflect on the evening and recognize that a superior took forceful advantage of me.
I'm not saying your situation is identical, but I'm not sure what you could have done much differently? When the innocent flirting started to turn into his Ocean 11 plans I guess you could have stood up, say “no! I'm married! Good night!” and walk away? Honestly that could have been very dangerous in a hotel environment where he could have followed you. The only safe way to leave that situation is to be sure that he was gone before you did anything.
OP, you actively solicited “anyone's input,” but are defensive and catty towards anyone who has discouraged you from pursuing this much younger partner. It seems you have already made up your mind and were expecting support here which you are not finding, much to your disappointment.
As others have stated, this is a BAD IDEA. I'm not going to debate the adulthood thing, since you seem pretty clear to justify things by saying she's an adult. I'm going to address this in a business sense – the optics on this are TERRIBLE. You are twice and more her senior. Regardless of how you feel about it, the optics are bad and it appears predatory. Adding her to your payroll is an even worse idea, especially if wherever you on-line has laws about sexual harassment/abuse at work or prostitution. It leaves you legally vulnerable for a lawsuit, something I imagine you'd prefer to avoid
Like I mentioned, one of my friends is straight. The rest of us are probably bi. I wouldn't want a boyfriend but I'm bi. I've known this for years. Don't get why you were thinking I'm confused about it
Hello /u/CaptianSpacefish99,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
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request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
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[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
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Hello /u/marie2023,
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Fucking ridiculous. This seems like a marriage plagued by bad decisions, I don’t see any scenario where this works out
Seeing on and off? As a basis for marriage? Yeah nah. That's even before the threats. You can do better.
Edit to add: In my example I was not saying I should not have told my husband that a man kissed me. I was explaining that at the time my guilt clouded my ability to accurately describe the situation, and I made it seem like I was a willing and active participant.
If it happened to me today, 12 years later, I would be able to say “I was having fun and being flirty at the office party, and was flirting quite a bit with coworker x. I feel a bit guilty for flirting which is why it's difficult for me to describe what happened next. Later in the evening they were outside when I left. I thought we both happened to leave at the same time but I'm not so sure. It was freezing and they offered their cab to me as we were both headed in the same direction. In retrospect I recognize this was a dangerous situation to place myself in with a man I don't know very well who has been drinking. The fact that he was a respected coworker should not have impacted my judgment but it did, and having a driver there was not the protection I thought it would be. He took advantage of my closeness and did x, y and z. I pushed him off of me and left immediately. I want to tell you this not because I think you can't trust me but because I need your support in processing what happened to me.”
That is not at all what I said or how I said it, my guilt of thinking it was me who led the person on because I had been flirting with them led me to blame myself for the situation and it took a year before I was able to reflect on the evening and recognize that a superior took forceful advantage of me.
I'm not saying your situation is identical, but I'm not sure what you could have done much differently? When the innocent flirting started to turn into his Ocean 11 plans I guess you could have stood up, say “no! I'm married! Good night!” and walk away? Honestly that could have been very dangerous in a hotel environment where he could have followed you. The only safe way to leave that situation is to be sure that he was gone before you did anything.
It is easy. You can do this.
OP, you actively solicited “anyone's input,” but are defensive and catty towards anyone who has discouraged you from pursuing this much younger partner. It seems you have already made up your mind and were expecting support here which you are not finding, much to your disappointment.
As others have stated, this is a BAD IDEA. I'm not going to debate the adulthood thing, since you seem pretty clear to justify things by saying she's an adult. I'm going to address this in a business sense – the optics on this are TERRIBLE. You are twice and more her senior. Regardless of how you feel about it, the optics are bad and it appears predatory. Adding her to your payroll is an even worse idea, especially if wherever you on-line has laws about sexual harassment/abuse at work or prostitution. It leaves you legally vulnerable for a lawsuit, something I imagine you'd prefer to avoid
Like I mentioned, one of my friends is straight. The rest of us are probably bi. I wouldn't want a boyfriend but I'm bi. I've known this for years. Don't get why you were thinking I'm confused about it