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Room for online sex video chat JulietteStar
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Date: October 28, 2022
I think you need to consider your framing. Is this insecurity or a genuine issue? In my opinion, it's an issue.
She went through the effort to make an end of year tribute video and she didn't include you? That's already kinda suspicious, moreso is the fact that she included him. It would appear as though she doesn't care for you from that alone. Either way, it really alienates you when she seemingly doesn't consider you important enough for something like that.
Being in a relationship for two months, she obviously does care. Try to talk to her about it and ask her why. She might just be having a relationship abroad and plans to break it off when she goes home because she clearly cares for that dude a lot. We won't know until you really talk to her.
Edmund Kemper never raped and killed little kids. Would you be happy to have him around a child? Just because a psycho's victims were all adults, that doesn't mean they won't hurt children. Also, why mention his sexual orientation? That is completely irrelevant. He sexually assaulted someone whilst they were unconscious and couldn't give consent. That is a truly morally reprehensible thing to do to someone.
He's done a lot of personal work over the years and now he's a real stand-up guy.
I don't have any advice re: your parents unreasonable ultimatum, I just want to validate the possibility of genuine change that you have seen in him.
From the late teens to mid 20s is a time of massive personal growth and development(literally as well as figuratively, the human brain is still developing and only reaches 'maturity' at around 25). People can and do change drastically during this time as they mature into the adults they will basically spend the rest of their life as.
The man you see now is not the boy he once was, but he is very likely the man he will continue to be in the future.
Liars gon' lie.
Do you think I can still fix this and we rebuild trust if he is willing to give it a chance? I feel like he is better off without me, I feel like he doesn’t care as much about me anymore.. and I also feel like I need to learn from my mistakes
What you need to do, if you made decision, is to get your ducks in a row before you let her know. You have quite a lot of work and prep before you get to that point. Plus, she’s not going to let this divorce happen easily so it’s gonna be a while.
Speak to a lawyer to discuss how it’s going to go and the financial realities. If she’s unemployed, there’s a chance you will be paying her alimony. Discuss whether you will be legally responsible for any debt she accumulated during the marriage, and how to divide communal property and the house, especially if there is still a mortgage. You probably would want to consider renting an apartment, and that takes time as well.
Do not let her on that anything is changing while you’re still with her, and be careful not to get her accidentally pregnant. Maybe you could encourage her to go on unemployment now. You could frame it as a “buffer while you look for new job“, but really, it’s just a way to make sure she has some income for after the divorce.
I’m not sure if she has any family or people she could depend on for support, but maybe giving them a heads up right before you tell her, so they can’t give her a heads up. Only let them know if they are the type of people to understand, and not harass you and make your life hell in an attempt to change your mind. Ideally, you could have one of them call her after you tell her and leave, so she’s not alone.
If you’re telling her to her face, be sympathetic, and not harsh, but you have to be firm. Tell her your mind is made up, there’s nothing she can do to change it, and you no longer want to be married to her. Tell her you will be passing on your lawyer’s information to her and that all communication will be done through the lawyer. And then assuming your lawyer recommends this, move to an alternate living location. If you are moving out, make sure any personal items that you care about are already out of the house. Because she likely will go after them.
This is going to suck, but it sounds like you want this, so good luck to you both.
But it's not a relationship. It's a situationship. There's no terms here.
You stop thinking about this
She's great in all other aspects of life and I really like her. She's smart funny and beautiful.
And start accepting this:
I am fully aware that this is toxic behaviour
You know that she is going to be crazy gf… Why would you willingly sign up for that?
You can find all those qualities about her in other people, but without the crazy.
How you deal with toxic people, you break up with them… you don't settle into them.
There is no “it'll get better”, its only going to get worse.
I don’t blame you for being hurt. At first I was thinking maybe you took what she said out of context, but then when I read the part about how she’s made a similar comment, in the past, I’m now thinking you need to address her comments and your feelings. “I wasn’t just hurt by what you said, I felt (got the impression) that you believe you’re settling for me. I don’t plan on settling for someone nor do I want to be settled for.” Lead with that and see what transpires. You’re both very young still (even though it likely doesn’t feel that way), so getting to the bottom of this sooner rather than later is crucial. It’s very hot to advise when there are so many questions unanswered. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to have a LDR for as long as you have. You’ve been together for a significant amount of time and half of that has been long distance. Have a heart to heart to see if you’re on the same page. If you’re not then it’s time to walk away and focus on yourself. Please keep us updated!