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kathrysweet Public Chat Channel
Date: October 6, 2022
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So, this is pretty stream of conscious.
Do you have a specific question people can help with? Ages, genders, real world details–we are strangers to you and need those things to understand what kind of advice you are asking for. A 15 and 41 year old can ask the same question but get very different replies. There is no correct thought process to relationships. It's not a computer program.
You were preparing for a melt down because your bf didn't eat his snack
I do picture OP having in the future to carry around in her purse Spider-Man cookies, crackers and applesauce to give to her bf toddler when she senses him “hangry” and ready to drop on the floor and begin kicking and screaming in a tantrum.
It shouldn't be some big revelation that the act doesn't last long.
I was sort of thinking that too. They're on their way to work and OP reveals that he's a “textbook” case of PE. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that conversation first thing in the morning, and also like… no shit. They've been together for eight years. She knows.
There's a lot going on here, and I think they could benefit from a bit of marriage counseling to work on communication. But I also think OP could benefit from some individual counseling, since he seems to be more focused on his PE than he is on all the various ways to have great sex without involving a penis at all.
You really don't want him to have access to a child, to be attached to him via this child for 18 years.
Abusers get worse not better when they think they have you trapped.
His behaviour is a mask, it is to get you to stay, the real him you have seen with your own eyes.
Imagine you are a child witnessing their mother getting strangled.
Please find some support, there are domestic violence helplines etc, hospitals, doctors who are more than used to dealing with this situation which is why they often ask “are you okay, do you need to speak to someone”.
You are not alone, he cannot stop you contacting anyone, it won't hurt to contact people. They didn't cut you off and they will be happy that you contacted them even after 2 years people are much nicer than your fears that they might reject you. How often do you hear of strangers helping people, so your friends and family are just waiting on you to reach out and just ask for help.
Move on. You'll find your real friends in your 20s and 30s that will actually care.
That’s a much MUCH broader issue than this trip. You need to determine where you are in your relationship and why things are like this. Is it a cultural thing? Ten years and not even having tried living together is unusual.