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Kayla, 21 y.o.
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Date: April 7, 2023
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No, they didn't.
OP is a troll. A fairly prolific one, posting various topics, acting enragingly clueless and/or apparently mindlessly cruel in replies, and with a username that always starts with “ThrowRA”. It'll delete the post after some time.
Unfortunately, misogyny abounds. Way too many families shriek at women to accept cheating and abuse just to have a man. And if they like the man? Well, you’re just supposed to shut up like a good woman and eat the cheater’s shit to keep the status quo.
Keep yourself. Love yourself. Dump ANYONE who doesn’t choose you.
Did not get involved with him right now.
He was groomed by his ex who is still abusing him and you are eight years older as well.
He needs to be able to focus on maintaining whatever appearances he needs for visa sponsorship and healing from his trauma before ever getting into another relationship. It's completely inappropriate to be with somebody who's in that vulnerable of a state right now.
Don't be sorry. I've also been very self-hating, I believe in a way that was similar to yours.
In a weird way, I think this is about control for you. I also think you're a pretty good person who is scared of being hurt, than you are a bad, broken person.
I bet it feels safe for you to latch onto this self-hate, because you know what that is like already. You know life works pretty okay when you do that. You don't feel deeply loved, but you can go about your day normally.
Howver, the uncertainty of letting go of that, and inviting someone else to say what they think about you and take it to heart is really fucking scary, because what if they decide to hurt you?
You need to let go of that control and accept his love, because it's just an illusion. He thinks what he thinks about you, and you can't change that.
What is it that you hate about yourself?