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Kelly, 99 y.o.
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Date: September 20, 2022
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If my partner says the CANNOT do it and then don’t bother calling again until after my surgery, no I wouldn’t call them to tell them I am asking my ex.
If my partner meant “I could do it but I don’t care enough to do it and would prefer someone else do it, but not your ex, if your ex is the only one available, I’ll do it” that’s what they should have said.
And then I could dump them. Because they can’t be bothered to help me, but they can be bothered to stop me seeing my ex.
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As awkward as that is, I’d just pretend nothing happened with them. Before you were married, did you ever have a person you weren’t interested in hit on you? It’s more awkward for them to be turned down, than to be the one turning down.
They tried and you said no. Awkward, yes, but no need for it to continue to be. You can of course limit interaction with them, but no need to make it weird.
As for your husband,
Flirting with your partner can be a fun and playful way to add some excitement and intimacy to your relationship. Here are a few ideas on how you can flirt with your partner:
Use playful language: When you're texting or talking with your partner, try using playful language and innuendos to add some spice to your interactions.
Surprise them: Surprise your partner with small gifts, thoughtful gestures, or unexpected dates to keep them on their toes.
Compliment them: Compliment your partner on their appearance, their intelligence, or their talents. This will make them feel appreciated and desired.
Physical touch: Use physical touch to flirt with your partner. Hold hands, give them a hug or a kiss, or touch their arm or leg when you're talking to them.
Have fun: Don't take yourself too seriously when flirting with your partner. Laugh and have fun together, and try new things to keep things exciting.
Remember, flirting is all about having fun and expressing your feelings for your partner in a playful way. Don't worry too much about getting it right or trying to be perfect. Just be yourself and enjoy the moment!
Don’t be isolated with no support system with someone who will give you that kind of ultimatum. He doesn’t love you. He can take you or leave you.
I wouldn’t want to be stuck with someone like that.
It’s fine that he wants to move some where else, but it should be a conversation and arrived at together the where. So he hated where you liked living so now it’s your turn to suffer or get a divorce? Great choices.
Let him move out there by himself and take a few months and let him see how he likes it, for now you stay with family and figure out if you want to even be with a man like that.
Given that you were in a long-term relationship together, you should make proper plans for moving out. This doesn't mean having to financially support him, but you should at least make him very aware & informed about your upcoming plans and change of circumstances instead of leaving him to just “figure it out”.
I know you say that he's no good with saving money (and just wants to be young & free) but this doesn't mean that you should end up getting roped into a semi-parental role (which I think you kind of have), always taking care of all the bills, responsibilities and life admin. Your Ex is a 30 year old man, and yet he's acting like a teenage child whilst effectively expecting someone younger than himself to worry about and take care of his needs. Is it not true that if your Ex had been someone financially dependable, you wouldn't have ended up in that work situation, taking on all those excessive work hours so that you could afford yourselves some financial security?
“I love him still and we want to get back together”- If it feels like a breath of fresh air being away from someone, then that should be evidence enough that this relationship is was good for you. I personally think that once you've moved out, you'll quickly move further & further away in your life, feeling less & less desire to ever re-enter the dysfunctional dynamic again. If you have to say to people “This relationship isn't as awful as it sounds, trust me”, then perhaps you should consider whether it really is that bad. Sometimes we can love people very dearly who simply aren't good for us.
You sound like a really sweet guy, clever, thoughtful and very hardworking, but you also sound like you're having some difficulties putting your own needs first. My advice would be to not feel guilty for wanting your Ex to go but to also approach leaving him in mature and collected manner. This is your life, you need to prioritise yourself and your needs more.
It’s fully out of hand, girl. Any chance you have of building a great life will be impeded if you have to drag human sized dead weight along.
His is physical touch. Mine are words of affirmation and gift giving.
Yes, get a pump going on your arms/chest. You can do wall pushups and curl a jug of milk or something and get more definition than you would usually have. You don't have to do a full workout, just enough to feel the blood in the muscles.
She's gonna love it no matter what, I'm sure 🙂
Yeah, this is a strange post. I had all 4 of mine taken out and was put under. I took off a Friday and had the weekend to happily binge TV, eat soup, and take a hydro if I needed one. I just needed a ride home after the initial surgery. What's up with this 24/7 nonsense?
We kiss/make out every once in a while but it never gets past that. I’ve asked her before about this and she says that she wants to wait until marriage. I don’t want to push her into doing something that she doesn’t want to do but […]
But what? She told you she wants to wait until marriage for sexual intimacy. What do you think your options are here?
No it doesn't mean that at all. She could have simply blocked OP because OP's husband made a pass at her and she realizes their relationship isn't super healthy and she wants to be left the fuck alone.
OP already went and asked her in person while she was having dinner (who the hell shows up at someone's house at dinner unannounced? That's so rude!). You're encouraging really unhealthy and creepy behavior.
You need to talk about this again, but NOT in a sexual moment. Tell him how it turns you off and makes you anxious when he says this kind of thing in the middle of an activity where you have to trust each other. Tell him that if there is a next time, sexytime is over and he is going home. (All of that IF you decide to keep him, that is.)
Oh, that sounds like a lack of sex argument, not about groceries at all. You should have sex.
If you don't have the baby, you might become resentful, but that affects only you. If you have a child knowing he doesn't want it, it affects the child. Who would be an entire person who would have to online with being unwanted by their father for their entire life. And as a person who had to grow up with a dad who clearly did not want to be a father, it super, super sucks.
You think? Jesus man. She sounds like a nightmare. You’ll find plenty of other people. Dump her and move on. Now.