When women act like this it’s deeper than she might be willing to admit. For reasons that most likely would really hurt you. I’d save the letter. If she’s for sure going through with the break up you should at least go without showing her how sad you are.
If I were you I would find a goal/purpose with a lot of meaning and fall in love with that instead. I’m not sure of your situation but maybe you’ve stagnated and haven’t been as ambitious as you could be. That puts women off a lot without them even noticing. Sorry you have to go through this I really feel for you. Hit the gym reconnect with friends and find a purpose to keep your brain occupied. You’ll need all the support you can get. Good luck
I was a recruiter for a solar company so they let me work remotely until I found a job down there. I’m supposed to start the new job in the new city Jan 4th. I don’t have any family or friends in the new city, he has his uncle who offered him the job
There’s no easy way here. You need to bite the bullet and tell him how you feel. Perhaps you can stay friends, and perhaps not. Either way it’s hugely unfair to the both of you and you need to go separate ways simply for your mental health alone.
Take a deep breath. You feel betrayed and that makes sense. But realize that your parents should not have made that original deal. Your half sister had as much right to a relationship with your father as you do. She has a right to seek him out now that she is an adult.
You believe that your dad and half sister should be held to an agreement made by your dad two decades ago when your dad did betray your mom. But it is not fair right now to expect that nothing could change in the mean time. Your mom did not want your father's affair child to be a part of their lives. She hasn't been and is not part of your mother's now.
The money is a different issue. You have every right to ask your father why he is paying her tuition and not yours. That must feel like a blow. Realize that the lump sum he paid decades ago may not have been as much as child support would have been for 18 years. He may also feel like he owes her something for not being around.
Regardless, your dad spending money on his daughter without your mom knowing is like him spending it gambling, buying a secret sports car, or anything else. That is between your parents. It is not your money and it is not your marriage.
Honestly, I think this is between your parents. If you can recover enough to be compassionate to her, you might realize that your half sister would be hurt by the denial of knowledge of her father. Your mom might be hurt by seeing your dad's affair child, but it also might be the case that she is at a better place than she was when it happened. If her real issue is not wanting to be humiliated by the affair getting out, she might be fine with your dad seeing his daughter some of the time. This is theirs to sort out.
It sounds like you don’t have children, and I’m going to guess your health is ok and it would be an option for you to get a job. You would be very wise to get a job so you can save money of your own, and so you can pay for part of the bills. This would be a good thing generally, and it would give your boyfriend less ammunition to manipulate or degrade you with if you’re contributing financially.
Though honestly this guy reads as very controlling and unpleasant. It’s absolutely not his place to dictate whether or not you get to go to your mother’s wedding.
It’s not as if your mother excluded him from the invitation. He could go too. Instead he’s raging and insulting you and trying to bring you down. He sounds insecure, mean, jealous, and controlling.
It would be very helpful for you to find some work and start putting money into an account your boyfriend can’t access. I would also suggest you give some serious thought to the overall relationship and whether being around your boyfriend drags you down, makes you feel small, and/or makes you feel as if you have to make yourself small and inconspicuous. How do you feel when you’re around him? Does his presence exhaust you or make you feel sick, or does he energise you?
These aren’t questions you need to answer here, this is just for you to reflect on, preferably while you’re away on holiday at your mother’s wedding. I’m willing to bet you feel very tired and low-grade nauseated and worn down when you think about the way your boyfriend treats you. Ideally I would suggest getting right away from him for a couple of weeks, and just taking time to rest and breathe, and be in a calm space where you’re not being treated as if you owe your boyfriend obedience because he pays the bills.
You are a free woman. You’re free to go to your mother’s wedding, you’re free to look for a job, you’re free to leave if your boyfriend really does treat you like this constantly. It is way healthier and more peaceful to be on your own than it is to be constantly ground under someone’s heel.
Your short answer is to quit the drinking, it does seem to be that simple. You don't even need to make a big deal about it, just stop doing it for at least 1 month before even saying anything to her, then maybe bring it up in passing.
Then stay off the sauce! If you want to make this work it seems like this is an important factor in the relationship succeeding.
These kinds of behavior are super common in people on the narcissistic spectrum. Pathological lying, name calling (especially of things they’re guilty of themselves), outbursts of emotion or anger, etc.
Watch a few YouTube videos on identifying narcissists/ narcissistic behavior in relationships.
Lisa a Romano has some good videos highlighting what a relationship with someone on the narc spectrum could look like
Can you give it time? I could not have fathomed another child at 20 months. If he’s had 18 months of bad, he’s only had 2 months of good. It may be worth just revisiting in 6 months time, give him a chance to really build up some good memories and confidence and experience.
Yeah! Totally but she said she is porn addict and it’s a mental health problem. She said.. she doesn’t think having multiple partners is cool with her rational mind. She said she has similar values and She denies she is hedonistic. I don’t know if she’s gaslighting
When women act like this it’s deeper than she might be willing to admit. For reasons that most likely would really hurt you. I’d save the letter. If she’s for sure going through with the break up you should at least go without showing her how sad you are.
If I were you I would find a goal/purpose with a lot of meaning and fall in love with that instead. I’m not sure of your situation but maybe you’ve stagnated and haven’t been as ambitious as you could be. That puts women off a lot without them even noticing. Sorry you have to go through this I really feel for you. Hit the gym reconnect with friends and find a purpose to keep your brain occupied. You’ll need all the support you can get. Good luck
I don't think you guys are compatible tbh
I was a recruiter for a solar company so they let me work remotely until I found a job down there. I’m supposed to start the new job in the new city Jan 4th. I don’t have any family or friends in the new city, he has his uncle who offered him the job
There’s no easy way here. You need to bite the bullet and tell him how you feel. Perhaps you can stay friends, and perhaps not. Either way it’s hugely unfair to the both of you and you need to go separate ways simply for your mental health alone.
Sounds exactly like what my old best friend used to be like lmao. Run.
Does he do that with male friends? I would guess not. There's your answer.
Take a deep breath. You feel betrayed and that makes sense. But realize that your parents should not have made that original deal. Your half sister had as much right to a relationship with your father as you do. She has a right to seek him out now that she is an adult.
You believe that your dad and half sister should be held to an agreement made by your dad two decades ago when your dad did betray your mom. But it is not fair right now to expect that nothing could change in the mean time. Your mom did not want your father's affair child to be a part of their lives. She hasn't been and is not part of your mother's now.
The money is a different issue. You have every right to ask your father why he is paying her tuition and not yours. That must feel like a blow. Realize that the lump sum he paid decades ago may not have been as much as child support would have been for 18 years. He may also feel like he owes her something for not being around.
Regardless, your dad spending money on his daughter without your mom knowing is like him spending it gambling, buying a secret sports car, or anything else. That is between your parents. It is not your money and it is not your marriage.
Honestly, I think this is between your parents. If you can recover enough to be compassionate to her, you might realize that your half sister would be hurt by the denial of knowledge of her father. Your mom might be hurt by seeing your dad's affair child, but it also might be the case that she is at a better place than she was when it happened. If her real issue is not wanting to be humiliated by the affair getting out, she might be fine with your dad seeing his daughter some of the time. This is theirs to sort out.
It sounds like you don’t have children, and I’m going to guess your health is ok and it would be an option for you to get a job. You would be very wise to get a job so you can save money of your own, and so you can pay for part of the bills. This would be a good thing generally, and it would give your boyfriend less ammunition to manipulate or degrade you with if you’re contributing financially.
Though honestly this guy reads as very controlling and unpleasant. It’s absolutely not his place to dictate whether or not you get to go to your mother’s wedding.
It’s not as if your mother excluded him from the invitation. He could go too. Instead he’s raging and insulting you and trying to bring you down. He sounds insecure, mean, jealous, and controlling.
It would be very helpful for you to find some work and start putting money into an account your boyfriend can’t access. I would also suggest you give some serious thought to the overall relationship and whether being around your boyfriend drags you down, makes you feel small, and/or makes you feel as if you have to make yourself small and inconspicuous. How do you feel when you’re around him? Does his presence exhaust you or make you feel sick, or does he energise you?
These aren’t questions you need to answer here, this is just for you to reflect on, preferably while you’re away on holiday at your mother’s wedding. I’m willing to bet you feel very tired and low-grade nauseated and worn down when you think about the way your boyfriend treats you. Ideally I would suggest getting right away from him for a couple of weeks, and just taking time to rest and breathe, and be in a calm space where you’re not being treated as if you owe your boyfriend obedience because he pays the bills.
You are a free woman. You’re free to go to your mother’s wedding, you’re free to look for a job, you’re free to leave if your boyfriend really does treat you like this constantly. It is way healthier and more peaceful to be on your own than it is to be constantly ground under someone’s heel.
Your short answer is to quit the drinking, it does seem to be that simple. You don't even need to make a big deal about it, just stop doing it for at least 1 month before even saying anything to her, then maybe bring it up in passing.
Then stay off the sauce! If you want to make this work it seems like this is an important factor in the relationship succeeding.
These kinds of behavior are super common in people on the narcissistic spectrum. Pathological lying, name calling (especially of things they’re guilty of themselves), outbursts of emotion or anger, etc.
Watch a few YouTube videos on identifying narcissists/ narcissistic behavior in relationships.
Lisa a Romano has some good videos highlighting what a relationship with someone on the narc spectrum could look like
Did this behavior start exactly when you got the new assistant?
He’s definitely not done exploring and I told her that too. He’s still into the partying phase 100%
Can you give it time? I could not have fathomed another child at 20 months. If he’s had 18 months of bad, he’s only had 2 months of good. It may be worth just revisiting in 6 months time, give him a chance to really build up some good memories and confidence and experience.
Yeah! Totally but she said she is porn addict and it’s a mental health problem. She said.. she doesn’t think having multiple partners is cool with her rational mind. She said she has similar values and She denies she is hedonistic. I don’t know if she’s gaslighting
know what we want for the future.
I think the fact that this thread exists refutes that point pretty comprehensively.