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Date: October 9, 2022
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Doesn't add up. Who's she taking risqué selfies for if you have no knowledge of them
Oh man I get that so much. The amount of times I've been “reassured” that even though my dad was an addict who manipulated me into being his buddy that could give him attention and keep all these secrets for him and “let” me be his best friend if I found his pills mom hid, that it all made me a sweet caring, giving person…. it drives me insane. The amount of therapy I've dedicated to not being so “generous and caring”… it isn't a bonus. I feel like people consider it a bonus. It's a side effect. Plus yeah, I genuinely believe I would've been a good person sans trauma.
I value being generous and caring and empathetic (it's made therapy very hot over the years) but it's different when it's engrained to a negative degree from trauma. Strength or kindness or whatever you get from a trauma does NOT make that trauma worth it.
Oh man I get that so much. The amount of times I've been “reassured” that even though my dad was an addict who manipulated me into being his buddy that could give him attention and keep all these secrets for him and “let” me be his best friend if I found his pills mom hid, that it all made me a sweet caring, giving person…. it drives me insane. The amount of therapy I've dedicated to not being so “generous and caring”… it isn't a bonus. I feel like people consider it a bonus. It's a side effect. Plus yeah, I genuinely believe I would've been a good person sans trauma.
I value being generous and caring and empathetic (it's made therapy hot over the years) but it's different when it's engrained to a negative degree from trauma. Strength or kindness or whatever you get from a trauma does NOT make that trauma worth it.
There’s no other way than just reaching out to her. Message her and say, “Hey, I know the last time we talked I wasn’t nice to you. In fact I was pretty mean to you. I think about that today and just wanted to offer an apology.”
That’s it; that’s all it needs to be. If she accepts and wants to engage with you, she’ll let you know.
Tell her to get a job.
Have you ever considered that people are actually just walking on eggshells around you and placating you so they don't have to deal with your meltdowns and very few people are actually as happy with you as you assume they are?
“How does someone get to adulthood that way?”
First, the human brain isn’t fully formed until ya 24 / 25.
Second kids are being … and I’m using this word with intention…. “Indoctrinated” into the idea that college is essential.
These kids DiD make poor financial choices, but they were also kids, and set up to fail.
It’s a system set up, deliberately, to saddle the educated in debt, so they don’t think, they can’t explore, they HAVE to be a battery to capitalism.
Even 30 years ago, when I was making these choices, the system wasn’t so … I’m not sure what the right word is … all I know is our kids are getting shafted, and we have to stop believing that THEY are the problem …. They are not … they are just like “us”, doing the best they can, in a system designed to shaft them”
I don’t disagree with the OP’s decision, it’s a decision I think a lot of young people are gonna have to consider.
The other two parts though, please remember those
Lmao what a detail to leave out, they aren’t even siblings and he’s playing husband with this chick.
Stop being a doormat.
PT2: I agreed and said I'm an a22hole while hugging her. Then I asked if she's still angry, she retorted no, then I asked if that was an episode and she got a little offended but agreed it was a small episode. She then started to try and explain bipolar and how she feels but I struggle to resonate. Then she started to list dating statistics for people with bipolar and how unlovable she is to which I asked “do you want to break up”? She said “if you want to we can”. I said “Well I do love you and I care about you, so no I don't want to break up”. She responded by saying “that's a dumb decision” and she hugged me really tight. Now I'm left at a logical impass, my heart quakes for her but my brain tells me that she's only gonna hurt me if I keep her around. I don't have a great understanding of bipolar so is she right? Is it impossible to love someone with bipolar? If it is possible what do I need to know to help her and succeed?