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kimberly-cold Public Chat Channel
Date: October 4, 2022
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Actually no, let’s talk about this because societal pressures have a heavy effect on both men and womens mental health in relationships which leads to things like men believing they have to be hyper sexual (which can lead to situations similar to this for men) and women believing they must attend to sexual needs constantly (which can lead to situations similar to this for women like the OP). Talking about the root of these misbehaviors issues the key to spreading more information so it stops happening lol. Making the OP feel like shit and calling her weird isn’t going to solve the issue and yeah I would feel the same way if a dude was in this situation because that stuff doesn’t start from nowhere, don’t assume where strangers are coming from maybe? You’re literally doing nothing to solve these issues for men with the response you gave me
Question, even though you've kind of found your answer. Were you guys using condoms before? Her behavior is alarming since you've been back. Could she have been mad because you left for 5 months?
Yeah I know you’re right and I feel bad to that it’s such a common story nowadays but I was abandoned early on in life I lost my parents I lost my family I was in foster homes abused constantly until I turned 18 and that’s when I found him he took me in he gave me shelter and showed me what being loved and cared for felt like. I don’t have enough money on my own to move out and I have nowhere to go if I do move out so not really any point in calling my landlord. All of his money is illegal he doesn’t have a real job so idk how I’d go to jail he would be able to report it or he’d be the one in trouble. I feel like I was set up to fail ever since I was born I don’t have enough motivation to work and hustle but if I had this money I’d be able to start fresh start from scratch and maybe finally do something bigger with my life. I’d be able to get a car and move to somewhere nicer maybe somewhere where it snows, I’ve never seen snow before and get a little house or duplex and a new job I’d stash the rest of the money away and just work and use my paychecks to pay rent and whatever I’d have left over would go in the stash with the rest of the money. I’d have a plan for it. And the way his brain is wired with the things he’s done and said to me I don’t know if I’d feel bad leaving him stuck, because that’s what he did to me I used to be financially stable when we lived together I was paying only $350 a month and making over $2000 a paycheck he saw me getting money and starting my business up, buying stuff for my business and getting clients then he saw me buying myself nice clothes and shoes and taking care of myself and idk if he got angry felt jealous or something but he kicked me to the streets. I had to find the first place that would take me and it landed me $950 a month and farther away from my job so I had to get a new job and pray they paid well which of course they don’t I’m lucky to make $1000 a paycheck.
It's better to get her a packet of her favourite candy than flowers as that can be put in her bag easily whereas flowers need to be carried around.
Be prepared to pay child support. You had a kid and technically you owe for the upbringing of the child if they're not put up for adoption.
We can all debate the morality of that, but in the end the system is set up the way it is for the protection of the child not the pockets of the parents.
Leaving the state will not rid you of your responsibilities there if he files. You do not owe any time or work however. If he wants assistance then he needs to file for child support, and you need to pay it. That's the price of having a kid, which you did ultimately decide to do.
Complete lack of self respect and a feeling that he can’t do better is my guess.
if you have so little trust in your relationship that you’re this concerned over wording, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. he did say he wanted to get with the girl and he turned her down. you sound incredibly insecure
He's trying to be controlling and ignore your boundaries. Good job defending them!
I don't know what you should do here, I would say continue as you have been but the rest of the time, be warm and affectionate. Don't be icy towards him, he's doing enough of that for both of you.
so you’re dating a bigot who is 23 years older than you, doesn’t respect you, and you recognize that he’s demanding/controlling on a regular basis to the point where you had an “altercation” when you tried to leave…
what exactly does this man bring to the table? you don’t say a single good thing about him aside from very nonspecitically saying the relationship was amazing at first and if things have degraded this much in only six months I really have to question how amazing the start actually was.
I don’t think you should take it too personal. It sounds like because you were introverted she just didn’t know the real you enough yet. So once she gave it a chance you and your awesomeness came out and she fell in love with you.
There is a full range of distribution of men's preferences. You need to find the ones that fit into that slice of the pie you are ok with. If you can't, then just be single.
Strategy and tactics for you. Family pushback is a powerful, destructive force. Let's even the odds.
First. I wouldn't be too hard on Partner, cuz you haven't been betrayed, just outplayed. Partner bends to Mother to avoid having to decide between the two people he loves most.
Now lets engineer a 180 of your own. I suggest a diplomatic offensive – a long game, with tactics and targets. And I emphasize “diplomatic” – a word of resentment, no matter how reasonable and appropriate, can undo everything you've worked hot to achieve. Give this offensive a full Nobel Peace Prize effort.
First, keep Baby if you choose, but show only greatest respect and validation for the concerns that Partner and MIL have raised – you're working on the two of them, not just him. Speak only of your efforts and plans to address those concerns as best you can, and solicit their advice. This is an active campaign – be open and vocal about it. Validation and advice-seeking can be very persuasive. When played well, it changes you from opponent to protégée. IMHO that's where your 180 lies.
Second, exaggerate your “last chance” diagnosis, and the emotional toil it is taking. Give this act a full Hollywood; I wanna see you on the red carpet on Oscar Night. Start carrying a handkerchief. Change the circumstances, change the outlook.
Third, from now on, speak of Baby as a person rather than a what-if. If Partner goes what-if, correct him – gently and tactfully always, no matter how many times you need to, or how irritated it makes you feel. Change his speech, change his outlook.
Fourth, target MIL, actively cultivating her goodwill. I again suggest playing Protégée. Go to her, seeking advice on the perils of pregnancy. Ask her about her own experience, listen with interest, and ask questions. Accept each bit of advice gratefully, as a pearl of wisdom, and either follow that advice, or pretend to.
Two dialog tracks here: pregnancy in general, which you can try to open her up about at any opportune time, and any very specific pregnancy trouble you are going thru, asking her only about that thing. She may resist the general dialog, at first, but the “help, I'm-in-trouble” situations are naked for even the most cold-hearted person to slam the door on.
A final caveat: I'm not guaranteeing your success here – where family pushback is concerned, the odds are very much against. I'm only offering better odds. A ray of hope. I wish you only the very best, whatever you decide.