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Date: October 7, 2022
There's no standard here. Everyone has different needs, so be sure to communicate those to him.
Due to work and life the girl I've been dating have seen each other about once per month. If I had a choice it would be every other day, but you can't expect that from a non-comitted relationship.
The content in the wall yes
Invite her to things that you know she dislikes. Make a show of asking, so nobody could deny you're trying to spend time with her. Either she doesn't go and you're off the hook, or she does go and has a terrible time.
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I’m guessing if you were having more sex with him that he would be happy and not be wanting sex outside of your marriage?
So with that assumption I’m going to make a few suggestions/points.
intimacy doesn’t have to always be sex there are some great books out there to help with this. 1) Christian book: “when two become one” by Christopher & Rachel McClusky – there is a focus on increasing intimacy and desire and communicating those things better. 2) I haven’t read this but have seen it recommended countless times: “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski – I highly suggest you both read the book and discuss together. Otherwise it will be a one sided effort and lead to more frustration and resentment. do you have kids? Make sure you’re finding time to meaningfully connect. Dates, cuddling, walks, sitting with a tea/coffee without devices. encourage and normalise thoughtful messages throughout the day when you’re not together – text each other whenever the other pops into your mind. We can often forget to tell each other how much we care when caught in the routine and busyness of life. Texts, notes on their mirror, short emails, little poems, notes in their bedside drawer. communicate what kind of touch/intimacy you most desire/appreciate. I like long hugs and hand holding. I need these things to feel more grounded and connected to my husband. That makes it easier for me to “get in the mood” when either of us desires more. think of ways to increase his sexual experiences that don’t need to always involve you doing what I call “the whole shebang” – eg. Quickies or handjobs in the shower, etc. encourage more communication around this. There will be times of the day or moth where you’re more amenable to sex. Figure those out, be honest, find out what works for you both and makes the experience more enjoyable for you both. If you’re having a better, more full experience, you’re more likely to want it more often.
Anyway, hope those suggestions help.
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Announcing you wanna cheat before doesn't make things better.
I imagine going to my husband suffering from mental health problems, telling him I'm gonna sleep with someone else, cheating on him and then acting surprised his mental health gets worse? Wtf….
You're cruel and heartless for treating another human like that.
The worst part is, he is very big on people telling the truth.
I see 3 major problems here, and none of them are your fiancée. The problem is you, your friend, and Sarah. You're a TERRIBLE partner. I'll break down why:
it's being kept alive because Sarah is clearly talking so much about it still.
In the last had strangers to my Fiance come up to me asking about bad shit shes said about Sarah years ago. It's gotten so ridiculous to the point that nobody wants to see her point of view and see what this girl is doing, going out of her way to make my fiance feel uncomfortable in almost any situation they're in the room together. Not saying hi, not being polite, being Catty with the other girls, making her uncomfortable, trying to get her to snap and blow up so she'll say something bad or give them reason to talk more shit.
Such a case was built up against my fiance that she doesn't even want to be around these people anymore because Sarah has made herself out to be such a victim from her actions
Recently at a pre-wedding event with 250 people we held Sarah showed up and snubbed my Fiance at the door and her mother by not even saying hello, proceeded to try and steal all the attention from my fiance and I's event by cutting people off speaking with her and dragging them into her bubble. She and her husband (my groomsman) hosted an afterparty which i was told – Your fiance is not allowed over but you are (my fiance doesn't know this bit it was told to me second hand by a friend)
After we got engaged she told her that nobody liked her – named over 10-12 names directly to her face.
Sarah is a terrible bully of the worst kind, and your “buddy” is going along with it. If he wasn't, he would have not thrown an after-party and not invited fiancée. That was the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard.
And let's move onto you:
were called, fights happened, screaming mostly to the fault of my Fiance
For a long time I blamed my Fiance for saying mean things to Sarah's, citing she caused the fallout and her aciton's and nasty behavior/outbursts of pent up anger lead to this,
My fiance was disliked by alot of people for what happened – this is on her
You literally write this in a way that makes it obvious that you don't even completely take the side of your fiancée and make this out to be her problem that's an inconvenience to you so you're trying to solve it.
And this is the worst of all:
So the wedding is under three months, my fiance tells me last night she had a nightmare Sarah ruined the wedding, she doesn't want her there. What am I supposed to do? One of my best friends is married to Sarah and I want him to stand next to me.
Tbh I hope your fiancée's mom talks some sense into her and she calls off the wedding. A real partner would take their fiancee's side and cut off this entire friend group. Your “best friend” may not be directly causing this situation with his wife, but he's not stopping it, and even worse, you're not stopping it. You talk about the after party like it's just a foot note but it's a huge deal. If you loved your fiancée more than your friend, you would have asked Sarah to leave when she started shit, and you would have said something to your best friend about how fucked up it is to have an after party in relation to your fiancée's party and not invite her. You have 2 choices: you friend group or your fiancée. Even if she marries you, I can guarantee that within 5 years she will divorce you over this situation.
CUT THIS ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP OFF OR CALL OFF THE WEDDING.
Thanks I will do that!