You're right (and smart) to not bring children into this.
I was in a dead bedroom marriage till I divorced him. The things you are writing here, him making promises, him telling you to initiate, etc, all unfortunately very familiar. Been through the lot. (Check out the r/deadbedrooms sub reddit).
I don't know why he is the way he is – but you need to deal with what is . It may be something as “simple” as he is afraid of having children, or maybe something deeper like he is asexual or dealing with trauma. That is something you should work with a counselor (couples and individual therapy).
Yes if my SO got propositioned by my friends while I was nowhere to be found and she said “did you put them up to this I would be furious” communication is great but if that’s the first thing you think you have as much trust in your SO as you do a raccoon out during the day.
I'd argue that this is an emotional topic, and you don't have to wait until after this to have this discussion.
I hope you know that from now on, every time your partner ditches you for his brother, you're going to be reminded of how he did the exact same thing for your wedding day. It will dig up these exact emotions every single time, so if you choose to stay with this man, these will be regularly brought up feelings. If you stay, this feeling will never go away.
Even if you postponed the wedding, you're never gonna be able to forget these memories. The memory of your wedding will be forever tainted and you will always have the voice in the back of your head thinking, “what if things had been different?” You need to be very serious with yourself and ask yourself if you can online with these emotions.
OP, I genuinely wish you only happiness in whatever path you decide to take, this is only a decision you can make, but I urge you to think very very hot about the extreme emotions you're feeling right now, and if that's how you want to online the rest of your life.
Whether this is fixed in successful couples counselling, leaving your partner, or any other potential method of solution, I wish you all the best.
I get overwhelmed with stuff that's out of my control, is that anxiety, being highly strung or a self esteem issue? Yes to one I'm sure in my case.
Some people love to be pampered and treated to things, I wish I could. I get very emotional and feel conflicted with big gestures and I don't know why, there's something wrong with me I guess. For instance, my husband texted me the other day asking if I fancied him booking a last minute holiday all inclusive in May. My immediate response was worrying about getting the time off but yes I would really like to, he was upset I wasn't excited and bouncing off the walls immediately about it. My mother has offered to help a bit financially with a car and I got really upset and worried about it despite gushing my appreciation of help. My mum got angry that I never just get excited about anything.
I don't know why I get like this, I don't earn as much as my husband and my mother did back when she worked. I am always concerned about money and even as a kid I hated having money spent on me as I felt guilty as I knew back then we were broke (my sister was very demanding so never had an issue about asking for anything). I feel like I don't deserve it or maybe its a control thing, that someone has control of my happiness by dangling a carrot I don't have infront of me and fearful of blindly taking it, I've been let down by promises before.
My husband booked our dream honeymoon as a surprise for my birthday with organising an extra week off with my manager which I loved, as my husband KNEW the first thing I would worry about was we didn't have enough time booked off for the holiday. I was genuinely excited about that holiday but I did worry like hell about it too. It was wonderful though and I did manage to relax mostly once I was there and knew it was happening.
I find it naked to let myself go and enjoy things without building up a wall of expecting something to go wrong or it to be a dream rather than reality. I 100% trust my husband and know he always does his best for me which I am hugely grateful for, I feel I am just unlucky and bring problems, which also makes me acutely aware me worrying about stupid crap like this is likely the cause of things going wrong later.
Keeping bags of pet fur is not any more macabre than keeping the ashes of pets and family that have passed, which is widely accepted.
Keeping the fur for sentimental value is already a valid reason, but if you want to easily explain this off to people, you can say you're keeping the fur in case pet cloning becomes mainstream in the future. Fun fact: pet cloning is already a growing industry in China.
You can put up walls around you. Letting her have a win so you get to see your dad is not the same as letting her back in your life. Don’t engage with her. Just basic stuff and be conciliatory. Pretend she’s any rando you just met and you want to be nice to. Keep it small talk and compliments. Good luck.
Share this post with him, and the wonderful things others have shared.
Your own words are truly the most beautiful and eloquent you could say in person. So speak your truth. ?❤️
I am the youngest of four and the only boy. My oldest sister was my mentor, my protector, my best friend and my mother when I needed her to be. I lost her four years ago, and I hope every day that she knows how much she means to me. Share your love. ❤️
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You're right (and smart) to not bring children into this.
I was in a dead bedroom marriage till I divorced him. The things you are writing here, him making promises, him telling you to initiate, etc, all unfortunately very familiar. Been through the lot. (Check out the r/deadbedrooms sub reddit).
I don't know why he is the way he is – but you need to deal with what is . It may be something as “simple” as he is afraid of having children, or maybe something deeper like he is asexual or dealing with trauma. That is something you should work with a counselor (couples and individual therapy).
Yes if my SO got propositioned by my friends while I was nowhere to be found and she said “did you put them up to this I would be furious” communication is great but if that’s the first thing you think you have as much trust in your SO as you do a raccoon out during the day.
That’s literally what I told him.
“Do you want me to dress tight and short clothing to better fit your standards?”
And he said “I’m just asking you to look nice”
??
What?
Apparently jeans and a hoodie means I’m dressed like a peasant.
I'd argue that this is an emotional topic, and you don't have to wait until after this to have this discussion.
I hope you know that from now on, every time your partner ditches you for his brother, you're going to be reminded of how he did the exact same thing for your wedding day. It will dig up these exact emotions every single time, so if you choose to stay with this man, these will be regularly brought up feelings. If you stay, this feeling will never go away.
Even if you postponed the wedding, you're never gonna be able to forget these memories. The memory of your wedding will be forever tainted and you will always have the voice in the back of your head thinking, “what if things had been different?” You need to be very serious with yourself and ask yourself if you can online with these emotions.
OP, I genuinely wish you only happiness in whatever path you decide to take, this is only a decision you can make, but I urge you to think very very hot about the extreme emotions you're feeling right now, and if that's how you want to online the rest of your life.
Whether this is fixed in successful couples counselling, leaving your partner, or any other potential method of solution, I wish you all the best.
I get overwhelmed with stuff that's out of my control, is that anxiety, being highly strung or a self esteem issue? Yes to one I'm sure in my case.
Some people love to be pampered and treated to things, I wish I could. I get very emotional and feel conflicted with big gestures and I don't know why, there's something wrong with me I guess. For instance, my husband texted me the other day asking if I fancied him booking a last minute holiday all inclusive in May. My immediate response was worrying about getting the time off but yes I would really like to, he was upset I wasn't excited and bouncing off the walls immediately about it. My mother has offered to help a bit financially with a car and I got really upset and worried about it despite gushing my appreciation of help. My mum got angry that I never just get excited about anything.
I don't know why I get like this, I don't earn as much as my husband and my mother did back when she worked. I am always concerned about money and even as a kid I hated having money spent on me as I felt guilty as I knew back then we were broke (my sister was very demanding so never had an issue about asking for anything). I feel like I don't deserve it or maybe its a control thing, that someone has control of my happiness by dangling a carrot I don't have infront of me and fearful of blindly taking it, I've been let down by promises before.
My husband booked our dream honeymoon as a surprise for my birthday with organising an extra week off with my manager which I loved, as my husband KNEW the first thing I would worry about was we didn't have enough time booked off for the holiday. I was genuinely excited about that holiday but I did worry like hell about it too. It was wonderful though and I did manage to relax mostly once I was there and knew it was happening.
I find it naked to let myself go and enjoy things without building up a wall of expecting something to go wrong or it to be a dream rather than reality. I 100% trust my husband and know he always does his best for me which I am hugely grateful for, I feel I am just unlucky and bring problems, which also makes me acutely aware me worrying about stupid crap like this is likely the cause of things going wrong later.
Keeping bags of pet fur is not any more macabre than keeping the ashes of pets and family that have passed, which is widely accepted.
Keeping the fur for sentimental value is already a valid reason, but if you want to easily explain this off to people, you can say you're keeping the fur in case pet cloning becomes mainstream in the future. Fun fact: pet cloning is already a growing industry in China.
What? No, I cheated on him once.
If you can’t trust somebody because of that then you should probably make it known and move on.
Yeah you're right… I think I'm gonna have a conversation with him over the weekend and see where it goes
You can put up walls around you. Letting her have a win so you get to see your dad is not the same as letting her back in your life. Don’t engage with her. Just basic stuff and be conciliatory. Pretend she’s any rando you just met and you want to be nice to. Keep it small talk and compliments. Good luck.
Share this post with him, and the wonderful things others have shared.
Your own words are truly the most beautiful and eloquent you could say in person. So speak your truth. ?❤️
I am the youngest of four and the only boy. My oldest sister was my mentor, my protector, my best friend and my mother when I needed her to be. I lost her four years ago, and I hope every day that she knows how much she means to me. Share your love. ❤️
You are, you just tried to rephrase it as “subtly seduce” (him into doing something he has repeatedly said he doesn't want to do)
He doesn’t have a perspective. Tell him to delete the video and to grow the fuck up. He’s a fucking baby.