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its a cold day so lets get hard together
Date: March 23, 2023
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I’d stop trying for a baby until you have this sorted.
I’m going to begin there. A lot of men like the romanticized idea of having kids—playing ball (or golfing). But they aren’t thinking about all the other impacts and have no intention to modify their social life or encourage their wives. They think of caring for their own kids as “one off babysitting” instead of parenting.
That said, I think it’s important for couples with kids or without to have their own independent hobbies, interests, and friends. It’s not uncommon for me (44F) to be gone a few hours on the weekend doing my hobby or volunteer work. Same for my partner. We do have some shared hobbies and we do that usually once a month, maybe more in certain seasons.
What I’ve seen work well for a lot of couples is for each to kind of have their day of the weekend taking care of kids while the other sleeps in or does their hobby. Then swap. And plan a date night twice a month or more on say a Friday night.
Before you guys TTC, I think you better get aligned on what parenthood looks like to you both. And I think you may need more hobbies and friends as well.
You need to pick your backbone off the floor and tell him to go to hell in a handcart.
It's sad to me that would want to give up a seemingly great relationship because you can't have sex in the specific way you want all of the time due to a literal PAIN situation for your partner. That doesn't sound like a great emotional connection.