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linhua Public Chat Channel
Date: October 1, 2022
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I wonder if she feels if she keeps the active affair from you, the battle over allimony will be easier.
No. Move on with your life and on-line it. Do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. She has made things clear, she needs space so give it to her. That doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life. I would expect someone to wait around for me if I’ve pushed them away. I would fully expect that they would likely move on from me.
I had those exact same feelings before and even worse after I married my ex husband. Listen to your gut.
Why do you think you feel this way? Is he mean, or abusive to you?
Questioning, even a little cold feet ac l are ok – I got remarried in 2015, and I had zero doubt, warmest of feet and no leeks voice in my head saying “oh no, this is a BAD idea, bad bad bad idea” but it's a totally different situation than it was at 20 for me.
God gave you the voice in your head, my words, to listen to. It's called intuition.
If he finds out and learns that you knew, you’re going to be dead to him. Tell him.
Thanks man
dump his ass if him cheatin ain’t your bag
That’s an excuse. They are indirectly saying that they don’t want her to live! with you. Read between the lines
Oh okay so you don't have proof just assumptions, she's not comfortable with it full stop, I'd think you'd know the definition of no means no and you're pretty judgmental yourself calling her vanilla
So, we have a bunch of people on reddit that feel entitled to act out on their impulses. So they might comment to encourage you.
But have you not heard of lowering your gaze, or even thou shall not covet? Or just not openly lust after other people when in a relationship?
There are inherent boundaries in relationships and especially marriages.
Why do you have the need to tell your wife that you find other people attractive?
How would you feel if your wife was watching a movie with you where a good looking guy's dick is out and she was openly staring and she went back the next day to watch the movie again without you?
Or if you found out she was masturbating to your neighbor/brother/friend or her coworker/friends? Would it not bother you? Should she share that information with you so she doesn't repress her sexuality?
Is that working for you?
I have noticed that men who cheat projected onto their partners. I would start keeping an eye out around him. I wouldn’t call him abusive until he actually does something. He has anger issues for sure and is closed off. But until he puts his hands on you, it’s one of those labels you don’t want to put on somebody.
This is in no way meant to invalidate your situation, but have you in some aspects maybe trapped yourself? Are you sure your dad was disappointed or were you disappointed in yourself and projected that feeling on your dad? Are you sure your friends wouldn't help you if you talked to them about it?
I'm sure your situation is horrible in and of itself but are you maybe making it even harder for yourself?
Look. Sometimes cheaters can be forgiven and you can repair things – it’s an unpopular opinion (for good reason) but it does happen.
HOWEVER. Usually in these cases there are mitigating circumstances – chronic stress or problems that neither individual caused and someone cracks. New jobs etc making someone feel neglected. Substance abuse, all sorts of things. But again, usually the cheating itself is a one night mistake after drinking too much or feeling low – and the cheater feels just as crushed as their partner they betrayed. Even despite all this, there is no guarantee someone will be able to forgive and move on, but it can happen.
But a six month long concealed affair? While you were ENGAGED??? No. This was never going to be reconciled – she does not respect you, you are just the safe option. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but honestly OP you are just setting yourself up to be walked all over and used. Get out of there, heal, enjoy your life as a single person, and then one day find someone who actually loves you and will treat you as a priority
You are about to get baby trapped. You are not financially compatible.
Alcohol can make people do and say things they wouldn't do (or even want to do) while sober.
People react to being dead drunk differently, I know of normal calm person that turns into furiat, that gets aggresive toward everyone when drunk. His solution apparently was abstinency.
Now this here is far less extreme, but what needs to be adressed here is alcohol consumption. She should just stay away from alcohol, outside of completely safe environment, prefferably with you around.
If she is a faithful and loving girlfriend, and only alcohol causes issues, it isn't in my opinion worth breaking up over. How we are affected to large amount if alcohol is at least partially outside if our control. Don't be overly judgemental over thus, at least if she agrees to limit her drinking to completely safe situations.
You have a weird “bf”, it should be normal that spending a few bucks to prevent creating false images of inappropriate behavior like spending the night with an ex. Yeah he should book a hotel if that cat is so important to him. I mean you don't seem to be a priority to your “bf” if he can't spend some extra dollars to make you feel comfortable. He seems to be extremely ignorant at the very least.
He’s very vulnerable. You’re too important to him to risk having a relationship with. You need to understand that if you’re putting yourself forward in a caretaker role that if you introduce the idea of a relationship it can make him think it’s conditional to receive the help you’re giving.
Step one for him (for anyone) is to ensure their safety. Make sure they feel like they can safely decide either way.
But honestly I’d wait a bit. Wait until he gets settled. If you still have the butterflies then talk to him.
But for now tell him you want to help him be safe in your country and that you will drop the dating talk until much much later. I’d apologize for making things complicated, and explain you misread some things but that he’s too important to to lose.