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Lissa, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
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True. Revenge on your friend and the married dude will make you feel you are back in control but it won’t last. Trust me on this.
A contract won’t help you since consent can be revoked at any time.
It doesn’t but they’ve had 11 good years after that, and if the evil b**** of a friend didn’t have anything more recent as ammo I do believe that much given no cheating of any kind with other people past that.
So if you had what you know now to be 2 bad years to start I’d probably trust the most recent 11 years to be the person he is today.
You’re still incredibly justified to be hurt though.
By hurting alone she’s probably going through cycles of most likely damaging self and blaming friend and husband(rightfully so for these people).
Trouble is, the only good that does is make her increasingly resentful(don’t blame her) and less likely to be able to move past it if she wants to make the marriage work.
Before she makes a decision either way or let’s that cycle continue, I would challenge her to communicate which is the only cure for resentment being built, which would allow her to get clarity on unknowns and express her feelings.
So I would have OP write down all the questions in her head that she would want answers to, write down all the hurt she’s feeling, and have a frank discussion he deserves to be a part of where he answers those and faces that.
If he can’t do that, then maybe OP’s been wearing rose colored glasses to the reality of the relationship here, and should start asking more questions to move toward a divorce.
That would be the only thing in my head that could give them a shot to move past this. She needs to express the feelings she’s building and feels, and he needs the opportunity to be accountable for his actions.
If she doesn’t I think this goes far longer and is much more painful than it needs to be making a decision on the future.
You should listen to your mom. Assuming she is older than 22 she most likely has been alive longer than you in which case probably has more life experience. 22 and 30 is a big gap at that age, I'm in my 20s and I am a different person almost every year, I could almost guarantee you and him are at very different points in life right now unless he's turbo immature or you are extra mature, which if you claim to be, you most likely are not.
I have talked to her??? What do you suggest I add to the ongoing conversation moose
I also doubt the reactions of all his friends and family
It is worth mentioning that what I meant by crush was more that she wanted to hook up with me casually rather than her wanting to be with me in a relationship.
I see, that makes more sense.
Even with that in mind, I think you will feel much better about yourself if you choose a different woman to hook up with out of respect to your ex. You will be keeping it classy and doing the gracious thing.
If you have one woman approaching you for casual sex, it sounds like you won't have too much difficulty finding another woman even if it may take more time/effort.