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Liza, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 19, 2022
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Does it really matter why? He watches porn. That’s just a fact. It’s not something you can or should try to change about him (assuming he doesn’t have an addiction, which you’ve given no indication of so I’m assuming an average amount of porn consumption). If that’s a dealbreaker for you, then leave. If it’s not something you want to break up over, you’re going to have to find a way to deal with it.
I’m a woman. I watch porn every day. If my partner and I stopped and asked for sex every single time one of us wanted to masturbate, it would be wildly unreasonable. You say you’re “always down” but what about when you’re miserably sick? In the middle of cooking dinner? Just got home from having the worst work day of your life? Just found out your mom died? Some of my examples are a little extreme, but no one wants sex literally all the time.
And finally, there is likely absolutely zero emotional investment in the porn he watches. There isn’t for most people. It’s a quick and easy way to meet a biological need. Masturbating for me takes ~2 minutes whereas for me to orgasm from sex can take up to an hour. When all I want is that release and not the exertion that goes with it, I’m taking the two minute option. Sex is great for intimacy and closeness and connection. But it takes time and energy and effort. And I don’t wanna do all that all the time.
So her mother comes up to you and playfully snacks your butt. I’m guessing you not going to be uncomfortable at all with that?
Try to think about things that are likely to happen after you break up. You know he’s going to start dating again, probably pretty soon. He’s also likely to have people over. You can probably trust him to respect your things, but you do have to worry about his future GF or any friends on the hate train of u/Skrumply.
Continuing to pay your half of the lease is about all he can expect from you, and you from him. Hopefully he keeps up his end, but be prepared for him to rage quit the lease.
IMO – give him 30 days to clear out your storage building, but take everything that’s yours with you when you leave. Moving stuff out after a break up is just awkward and it sucks. There’s nothing you can do to make this better. Try to move most things when he’s not there, if possible. Don’t blindside him though. Let him know what you plan to take and when, as well as what you plan to leave. That’s just good courtesy.
Some people don't know how to end a relationship, so they force you to do it for them. You might want to check out a group like CODA to work on yourself after growing up with abusive parents. That kind of a childhood can lead to not having good boundaries with other people and other issues like that. People like your partner generally don't get to this level of behavior without lots of previous small steps across your boundaries that go unchallenged.
I married a man I knew I shouldn't have married. We are now divorced. Avoid divorce by breaking up with him.
I am so sorry for your pain. I was in a similar position many years ago. I spoke to his wife, honestly answered all of her questions, and refused further contact with him
Do you really think he wasn’t in on that? That he didn’t call and get them to plant such a good story of him saying he won’t go with out you in TEXT message?
A lesson learned for next time. Always be defining the relationship. It's not exclusive until it's clearly agreed upon by both parties. This applies not only to casual dating but to regular dating as well.
Can you really call it baby trapped if she already has 5 kids by 3 fathers at 27? Dude knew what was coming.
I suspect a troll, no one is that stupid.
I agree! Thank you so much! I have scheduled for personal therapy and maybe if things work out for us I would suggest couples therapy.
Lol you don't talk for me. Maybe I have a different opinion because I've had different life experiences. Like a guy who would shut off his emotions and not let me in… But no.. Of course I am an evil witch too. Because you know me so well. Honestly this is similar to something that did happen to me, my ex would show bursts of emotion and then close off and brush me off not wanting to talk about it. I felt like he didn't trust me enough to show his emotions… Which I encouraged. Just like with my current BF of 3 years. I actually asked him to let me in so I can support him when he's going through things. But yeah your right, shes bad, he's good and there's no grey areas in his situation. Good job
I think you mean sponsorship child.
But yes, that is very messed up that your wife would lie about it.
That may be why you find yourself partnered with a shitty dude now. Sometimes we recreate what we had growing up because either it feels comfortable and familiar or because we are trying to rewrite the past. Counselling really helped me figure out why I was drawn to unhealthy people.
I hope you find better people out there, you sound lovely and you deserve much better than this.
Sex is pretty important to a fair number of people.
May I suggest that you enroll and follow through with therapy to work through your trauma? Sadly, the passage of time does not make the stuff go away. It has to be dealt with. It always comes back otherwise.
You can totally love someone with all your heart & soul and still walk away from them because you know they’re no good for you. Loving & leaving are not mutually exclusive.
Sometimes the right thing to do is also the hardest thing to do. That should never stop you from doing it anyway.
You have been faithful, forgiving and otherworldly patient. And he has not. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for not “trying again.” Walk away with no regrets.
And breathe, girl. Just breathe.
Take care of yourself. Big hugs ❤️