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Date: September 29, 2022
Saved this comment from another thread, since it's so often relevant:
Hey, you need to understand that love is nowhere near a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. Ever. No exceptions. Love is not a good reason to stay.
Don’t you think that women and men who get punched in the face by their partners probably love them? And they stay because of that. Would you want your sister or mother or DAUGHTER to stay in an abusive relationship because they loved them? Of course not.
I’ll go a step further: Love isn’t that special. We’re taught that it is, but it isn’t. It’s not special or rare. Lots of people love their partners even when their partners treat them like shit, just like yours does. You will find someone else to love. It’s common.
You know what is NOT common? To be in a relationship with these traits in addition to love:
respect
trust
transparency
compassion
honesty
a desire to ensure your partners needs are met and vice versa
both partners caring about each other’s comfort
healthy boundaries
transparency
So, if you have a relationship with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS in addition to love, then you stay. But you don’t. You don’t have all of those things in your relationship.
I’ll go even one step further. A relationship with all of those things WITHOUT love would be healthier than a relationship without any of those things but WITH love.
Okay, so here’s the test: when you’re in a relationship, ask yourself if you have love and everything else on that list. If you don’t, then you leave. Because a healthy relationship will have all of that. Every time. If you have a future relationship that does not have every single one of those things, then you’re in the wrong relationship.
It’s not easy or common to find that. It’s rare and it’s beautiful. But if you have love without those things, then you have a shitty relationship. And you should respect yourself enough to NEVER EVER EVER EVER stay in a shitty relationship. Ever.
Edit: thank you for the awards. In a similar way to OP, I had to learn this lesson the very hot way. But now I’m fortunate enough to be married to the most amazing woman on earth, and we have all of those traits listed in my comment. So I’ve learned that it IS possible to have a relationship with love in addition to the other things, and anything else is just settling.
Credit to /u/usernotfoundplstry
I wouldn't bitch…. I just am surprised a grandparent wouldn't want to get their grandchild a present.
Is this the type of person you really want to be partnered up with for life?? He is very mentally unwell. And not like, a few couples counseling sessions unwell. Aside from the stalking, harassing, and verbal abuse… he’s using you as a mask until… what? He convinces her to get with him? Is that the sort of “relationship” you want to be in? Is that something you want to save?
I took the bill thing as a joke, not something she actually intended to do.
Yeah, this is what I thought. Although, on her end, she has some serious trust issues. In the past, her boyfriends have ghosted her without telling her, cheated on her, etc. She's afraid that I'll leave her. Regardless though, it's cheating. I don't care what she says – the lying a week into knowing her – and then this – is too much.