He shouldn't need to give her money at all, especially if he's really broke. The thing he keeps not answering and I keep wondering is .. “Why doesn't she have any money?” Does this woman have a job? On-line with her parents? Lives in a car and can't afford food?
Don’t think it’s about you, it’s definitely about how she just doesn’t feel good enough/wasn’t good enough. To anyone that would be hurtful. Give her some more time and make her feel like she’s enough.
Its within the guidelines as long as you DONT tell her. However if it feels wrong you probably shouldn’t do it. And you and your wife should talk about the boundaries of your deal in depth so there are no questions left.
This must be touching a nerve for both of you Let me guess someone has cheated on you before? Or rejected you because of your looks? If that's the case I'm sorry but please don't project onto me
I'm not really sure how-to advice you about what you should do but I can tell you what I have done in a similar situation.
I am 35M and have lived away from home since I was 17 and I went away for college. I also didn't have the happiest childhood and don't see eye to eye with my parents about anything, be it politics, religion, lifestyle.
For the longest time, I faced the same issue, and I didn't really talk to them much. I would talk to them maybe once or twice a month and those times would just be spent arguing about how I don't call them more.
They both retired around 2015 and since then, we've been speaking one or twice a week, every week. Our views haven't changed but I have changed drastically in how I deal with them. We don't really talk about me much and I just talk to them about them.
My mother likes gardening, and she has a huge garden in our backyard where she grows all sorts of fruits, veggies and flowers. She'll send me pictures throughout the week and the various dishes she makes from the things she grows in our garden, and I'll just talk to her about that.
My father is part of a yoga/walking group, and I basically just talk to him about that. I ask about various events those groups organize, he's told me various stories about their members to the point where I now know about several of them, and we talk about their “adventures”.
It's basically just taking an interest in their hobbies and activities. It keeps them happy, and we don't fight anymore at all. You can do that or talk about what your other family members are up to or just general gossip. My mother likes doing that sometimes, where she will tell me about shit going on with neighbors, family members.
I don't really share my hobbies or interests or activities because they don't understand it and I don't need the judgement. I've just accepted that they've grown up in a different world and their values and ideals don't apply to me anymore. The thing I've realized most is that for them, growing up in 70's and 80's, their worldview was not challenged or changed as consistently as it has been for us because of the absolute explosion in technological advances in the past two decades.
Both my parents worked at the same companies their entire career; I have changed my job 6 times in 10 years. Same thing applies to relationships since they've had an arranged marriage and I'm single and have had just as many relationships as jobs in the same period. There aren't things that they've experienced and nor can they understand, and I see no point in trying to engage in these topics.
I'll tell them about trips I'm going on or promotions at work or buying a new car or meeting a mutual acquaintance and just general stuff like that.
Apparently they all just found out about the kid in 2021 so I'm guessing the wife feels that if he's just a “scholarship kid” others won't frown that OP had a kid outside of their marriage. Terrible thing to go about doing but yeah
Look up the term alpha widowed and see of any of it fits
He shouldn't need to give her money at all, especially if he's really broke. The thing he keeps not answering and I keep wondering is .. “Why doesn't she have any money?” Does this woman have a job? On-line with her parents? Lives in a car and can't afford food?
Don’t think it’s about you, it’s definitely about how she just doesn’t feel good enough/wasn’t good enough. To anyone that would be hurtful. Give her some more time and make her feel like she’s enough.
Its within the guidelines as long as you DONT tell her. However if it feels wrong you probably shouldn’t do it. And you and your wife should talk about the boundaries of your deal in depth so there are no questions left.
Agreed
This must be touching a nerve for both of you Let me guess someone has cheated on you before? Or rejected you because of your looks? If that's the case I'm sorry but please don't project onto me
I'm not really sure how-to advice you about what you should do but I can tell you what I have done in a similar situation.
I am 35M and have lived away from home since I was 17 and I went away for college. I also didn't have the happiest childhood and don't see eye to eye with my parents about anything, be it politics, religion, lifestyle.
For the longest time, I faced the same issue, and I didn't really talk to them much. I would talk to them maybe once or twice a month and those times would just be spent arguing about how I don't call them more.
They both retired around 2015 and since then, we've been speaking one or twice a week, every week. Our views haven't changed but I have changed drastically in how I deal with them. We don't really talk about me much and I just talk to them about them.
My mother likes gardening, and she has a huge garden in our backyard where she grows all sorts of fruits, veggies and flowers. She'll send me pictures throughout the week and the various dishes she makes from the things she grows in our garden, and I'll just talk to her about that.
My father is part of a yoga/walking group, and I basically just talk to him about that. I ask about various events those groups organize, he's told me various stories about their members to the point where I now know about several of them, and we talk about their “adventures”.
It's basically just taking an interest in their hobbies and activities. It keeps them happy, and we don't fight anymore at all. You can do that or talk about what your other family members are up to or just general gossip. My mother likes doing that sometimes, where she will tell me about shit going on with neighbors, family members.
I don't really share my hobbies or interests or activities because they don't understand it and I don't need the judgement. I've just accepted that they've grown up in a different world and their values and ideals don't apply to me anymore. The thing I've realized most is that for them, growing up in 70's and 80's, their worldview was not challenged or changed as consistently as it has been for us because of the absolute explosion in technological advances in the past two decades.
Both my parents worked at the same companies their entire career; I have changed my job 6 times in 10 years. Same thing applies to relationships since they've had an arranged marriage and I'm single and have had just as many relationships as jobs in the same period. There aren't things that they've experienced and nor can they understand, and I see no point in trying to engage in these topics.
I'll tell them about trips I'm going on or promotions at work or buying a new car or meeting a mutual acquaintance and just general stuff like that.
Hope this helps.
Apparently they all just found out about the kid in 2021 so I'm guessing the wife feels that if he's just a “scholarship kid” others won't frown that OP had a kid outside of their marriage. Terrible thing to go about doing but yeah
So if he isn’t responsible for his actions, do we file a criminal case against the bottle of vodka.. wtf kinda answer is that?