No. Trust is EARNED. Not just blindly handed over. You earn a partners trust by repeated actions over time that show them consistently respecting you, making you a priority, making you feel secure, safe etc. He is doing none of that.
I have had two really close male friends/FWB in the past who both got into “Serious” relationships. They behaved the exact opposite.
The first one was kind of like your boyfriend. Didn't put up any boundaries with me. Talked about how they “Should trust each other” etc. He cheated on her with me several times. (I know I'm shitty as well) He didn't respect his relationship so neither did I. I told myself stuff like “Well they clearly won't last long anyway because he's obviously not that into her etc” to justify myself hooking up with him. They have a messy on again/off again “open relationship” these days.
The second one on the other hand immediately put up boundaries with me, he told me that we could still be friends but that we had to limit our contact, only hang out sometimes in groups/public places & and that his girlfriend was always to be included in hang outs. At the time, I was a little annoyed by this and I thought that she was obviously really insecure/controlling but after my experience with the other guy I realised that he was just doing the mature right thing by his girlfriend. Two years later they are happily engaged and starting to build their family.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to value this relationship properly but there's other men out there who will.
No offense to the Eastern European people (I am one of them) but this guy seems to achieve in a span of couple of years what others achieved in tens of years: moving to US, getting a house, residency… What if he needs CITIZENSHIP through a shortcut, which in this case would be… MARRIAGE…?
You need a thorough background check (official, not from “friends”) and if you decide to do the marriage step, you have to protect yourself (ask a lawyer about prenup and whatnot).
Who cares about a hypothetical future relationship he might have one day. Your self esteem should be your focus. He has you thinking you aren’t good enough. May I suggest therapy for yourself? It seems like your self-worth is contingent on his obsession with you. He’s giving you the WRONG kind of attention. This is a toxic relationship. Please talk to a professional. I think you aren’t seeing things from a healthy perspective.
Then why did he ask for advice? He's thinking through what to do. It's possible they can't overcome this. It really depends what happens when they talk. And how open he is to forgiving her for her infidelity very early in their relationship. They might be in a very different place right now.
LMAOOOO can I just say your reply made me laugh?! I totally get wanting to have a kid. But like how desperate does a woman have to be to keep the baby when the dad is fucking weirdo deadbeat? I just…idk. and disclaimer that I ofc have sympathy for the girls and women who are forced to keep pregnancies that they don't wanna keep but I don't think OP belongs in that camp.
So she asked her sister to get tested right?
“You need trust in me”
No. Trust is EARNED. Not just blindly handed over. You earn a partners trust by repeated actions over time that show them consistently respecting you, making you a priority, making you feel secure, safe etc. He is doing none of that.
I have had two really close male friends/FWB in the past who both got into “Serious” relationships. They behaved the exact opposite.
The first one was kind of like your boyfriend. Didn't put up any boundaries with me. Talked about how they “Should trust each other” etc. He cheated on her with me several times. (I know I'm shitty as well) He didn't respect his relationship so neither did I. I told myself stuff like “Well they clearly won't last long anyway because he's obviously not that into her etc” to justify myself hooking up with him. They have a messy on again/off again “open relationship” these days.
The second one on the other hand immediately put up boundaries with me, he told me that we could still be friends but that we had to limit our contact, only hang out sometimes in groups/public places & and that his girlfriend was always to be included in hang outs. At the time, I was a little annoyed by this and I thought that she was obviously really insecure/controlling but after my experience with the other guy I realised that he was just doing the mature right thing by his girlfriend. Two years later they are happily engaged and starting to build their family.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound mature enough to value this relationship properly but there's other men out there who will.
If you need time, take it. Your health is more important that him having his feelings hurt.
Run awayyyyyyyy. Far and fast. You have a 29 year age gap!!!! He was already graduated high school and possibly university when you were BORN.
No offense to the Eastern European people (I am one of them) but this guy seems to achieve in a span of couple of years what others achieved in tens of years: moving to US, getting a house, residency… What if he needs CITIZENSHIP through a shortcut, which in this case would be… MARRIAGE…?
You need a thorough background check (official, not from “friends”) and if you decide to do the marriage step, you have to protect yourself (ask a lawyer about prenup and whatnot).
Good luck!
Clearly that's not true. Maybe he pretended to be cautious when you were around
They sell those at Wal-Mart right?
Yes
Surveys find that Exs are the #2 (after coworkers) source of affair partners.
Therapists recommend zero contact. One, they are high risk to escalate during a rough patch .
Two, the emotional entanglement remains or is maintained by each contact (so she can't move on or be fully invested in you(.
Three, it's unfair to her life partner and undermines her marriage with you or her next husband.
Finally, their texts express romantic feelings even if one sided. She should have shut it down with zero contact long ago.
Who cares about a hypothetical future relationship he might have one day. Your self esteem should be your focus. He has you thinking you aren’t good enough. May I suggest therapy for yourself? It seems like your self-worth is contingent on his obsession with you. He’s giving you the WRONG kind of attention. This is a toxic relationship. Please talk to a professional. I think you aren’t seeing things from a healthy perspective.
OP. You have posted this question for almost 8 months. What do you need from people? What can be answered to help you? Please let us know
It was both of ours first relationship aswell
Three whole years! But yet you still have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old. You should work on that before it holds you back.
Then why did he ask for advice? He's thinking through what to do. It's possible they can't overcome this. It really depends what happens when they talk. And how open he is to forgiving her for her infidelity very early in their relationship. They might be in a very different place right now.
LMAOOOO can I just say your reply made me laugh?! I totally get wanting to have a kid. But like how desperate does a woman have to be to keep the baby when the dad is fucking weirdo deadbeat? I just…idk. and disclaimer that I ofc have sympathy for the girls and women who are forced to keep pregnancies that they don't wanna keep but I don't think OP belongs in that camp.