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  1. No, I do not need to know everything about my partner’s past sexual encounters. Nor does he need to know everything about mine. Some things are TMI. I would never ask my husband how many partners he’d had before me. Why would I want to know that? And why would he want to know how many people I’d been with? What a weird thing to want to know about someone.

  2. I think the part you're missing is that “right” is subjective. You're not taking into account preferences, opinions, etc.

    “Should we take a plane or a train?” There is no golden answer, this is preference.

    If you prefer one scented deodorant over another, that doesn't mean that you are right, that means that you have a preference on deodorant. And a different person is going to have a different preference. It doesn't matter if your deodorant is cheaper or more earth friendly or whatever, it works for you and that's great; but no one else has to like it and no one else has to agree with you that it's a great deal or whatever.

    By trying to prove that you are intellectually right about something, you are completely invalidating her opinions and thoughts and feelings and desires. If she wants to take the train, then KNOW that she wants to take the train and you can't convince her to switch to whatever other mode of transportation you think will be a better idea.

  3. What you should do is report the theft to the police. He stole your money from your bank account. That is a serious problem.

  4. I've traveled quite a bit at different companies from small start-ups to huge corporations and they've never required shared rooms.

    IMO it seems inappropriate to book people of the opposite sex in the same room even if it's a company that cannot afford multiple accommodations.

    I also think it's ok to have a conversation with your partner expressing your concerns without coming off accusatory or untrusting. If it was my partner I would want them to tell me if I was doing something that was bothering them. Even just asking questions to set your mind at ease shouldn't hurt.

    Even if you say something like:

    I'd like some more information about the accommodations for your upcoming trip, so I can feel more comfortable with the idea of shared rooms.

    Is everyone required to share a room?

    Are there two beds per room?

    Did the company pick the people that would be sharing?

    How do you feel about sharing a room with someone of the opposite sex?

    Did you talk about boundaries with your coworker to make sure you both have your personal space?

    I think even asking more about the person she is sharing with would be fine.

    How long have you worked with {inset coworkers name}?

    How old is {inset coworkers name}? Is he in a relationship?

    How does he feel about shared accommodations?

  5. FineFun, this strong abandonment fear — as well as his anger issues — may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your H, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.

    First, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.

    Because he also uses B-W thinking in judging HIMSELF, he would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in his mind, he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.”

    Further, to validate his “victim” status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”

    Second, you would not see him expressing his anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, his temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, his sibling, or his parents).

    Third, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often see him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.

    FineFun, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?

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