When we get blindsided like this, it’s doubly hot to get over it. I’m sure your world feels very bleak right now and your desire to take care of yourself is minimal. Anyone who has ever lived someone with their whole heart, understands your grief. I understand from what you wrote that you don’t have a support system; I’m sorry. If you can, I would immediately get some counseling/therapy. I know you want to just climb inside a hole and not move, but you have to get out. If memories are hurting you when you go out, find someplace new-something you never did together. Let it be your place. Eat, sleep, shower, work. It DOES get better, but not overnight, my friend.
First. An 37 year old dude and a highschooler. That is not right. No normal over 30 year old is looking at highschoolers who just turned ”adult”. That’s just messed up. Second. You can always say no. If you feel like you can’t there is something wrong in your relationship. If he loves and respects you he won’t get upset if you are not ok doing some of those things he is asking you to do. Leave when you still can
Your parents’ relationship with you never changed. Your father has always been your father and never stopped treating you the way he always has. Your mother has always been your mother and never stopped treating you the way she always has.
The only thing that has changed is your knowledge about their personal sex life, which has nothing to do with you.
You aren’t expected to express and defend your sexual preference to your parents, and you are certainly not entitled to personal details about their sex life with each other or other people.
Your parents’ relationship sounds mutually beneficial, and consenting. You were totally happy in the knowledge that your parents are happy and you are all happy and loving together. That hasn’t changed.
The only thing that’s different now is you are caught up in shock and disbelief and are stuck in a surface-level judgement loop and you shut out the loving parents you were happy with and chose to throw everything away.
There are people who can’t stomach learning that a loved one is LGBTQ+, and they choose to shut that person out of their life instead of understanding them and continuing to love them as they had before.
You are doing the same. If it’s right for you, then that’s up to you. No one can change you.
You can’t change your parents to be who you want them to be, especially at the expense of their mutual happiness together, and it wouldn’t be fair to try.
Do what you need to do to be happy, but definitely seek therapy to help you process and move past the trauma of what you saw.
Maybe one day you’ll see past the hate and judgement you feel. Maybe you won’t, and it will be a chosen badge you wear for the rest of your life, and that’ll be enough for you.
There is nothing we can do to help you if you have already chosen your preferred path.
All we can do is suggest therapy to help with the feelings you have about this.
The best thing you can do is get therapy to find out why you accepted that treatment from someone. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who actually loves you. He is not it. He did not change. Do not go back to him.
I get this. I’m also happily single. It’s really hard for me to integrate people into my life because I value my freedom too much. Some women I know stopped dating because of bad experiences, which I get too. I think people assume women are always unwillingly single most of the time, when that’s not the case. I hate the “crazy cat lady” “spinster” nonsense, because those are both things I gladly aspire to.
Her “reasons” are not excuses for abandoning her pet. And none of this is any excuse for you to pick up after her. Not your fault that she is spoiled, forgets, is scared, etc. And what a crock of BS, anyway. She isn't accepting the responsibility that she actively sought.
I would take this issue to the RA and explain that the “emotional support” designation is BS, since she clearly doesn't need it. And ask for a new roommate or to move into a single room.
Bro you need to break up with that bf of yours and just sleep around until you’re ready for a relationship lol
When we get blindsided like this, it’s doubly hot to get over it. I’m sure your world feels very bleak right now and your desire to take care of yourself is minimal. Anyone who has ever lived someone with their whole heart, understands your grief. I understand from what you wrote that you don’t have a support system; I’m sorry. If you can, I would immediately get some counseling/therapy. I know you want to just climb inside a hole and not move, but you have to get out. If memories are hurting you when you go out, find someplace new-something you never did together. Let it be your place. Eat, sleep, shower, work. It DOES get better, but not overnight, my friend.
First. An 37 year old dude and a highschooler. That is not right. No normal over 30 year old is looking at highschoolers who just turned ”adult”. That’s just messed up. Second. You can always say no. If you feel like you can’t there is something wrong in your relationship. If he loves and respects you he won’t get upset if you are not ok doing some of those things he is asking you to do. Leave when you still can
Your parents’ relationship with you never changed. Your father has always been your father and never stopped treating you the way he always has. Your mother has always been your mother and never stopped treating you the way she always has.
The only thing that has changed is your knowledge about their personal sex life, which has nothing to do with you.
You aren’t expected to express and defend your sexual preference to your parents, and you are certainly not entitled to personal details about their sex life with each other or other people.
Your parents’ relationship sounds mutually beneficial, and consenting. You were totally happy in the knowledge that your parents are happy and you are all happy and loving together. That hasn’t changed.
The only thing that’s different now is you are caught up in shock and disbelief and are stuck in a surface-level judgement loop and you shut out the loving parents you were happy with and chose to throw everything away.
There are people who can’t stomach learning that a loved one is LGBTQ+, and they choose to shut that person out of their life instead of understanding them and continuing to love them as they had before.
You are doing the same. If it’s right for you, then that’s up to you. No one can change you.
You can’t change your parents to be who you want them to be, especially at the expense of their mutual happiness together, and it wouldn’t be fair to try.
Do what you need to do to be happy, but definitely seek therapy to help you process and move past the trauma of what you saw.
Maybe one day you’ll see past the hate and judgement you feel. Maybe you won’t, and it will be a chosen badge you wear for the rest of your life, and that’ll be enough for you.
There is nothing we can do to help you if you have already chosen your preferred path.
All we can do is suggest therapy to help with the feelings you have about this.
It's time for you to find some very hot friend who is into you
The best thing you can do is get therapy to find out why you accepted that treatment from someone. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who actually loves you. He is not it. He did not change. Do not go back to him.
I get this. I’m also happily single. It’s really hard for me to integrate people into my life because I value my freedom too much. Some women I know stopped dating because of bad experiences, which I get too. I think people assume women are always unwillingly single most of the time, when that’s not the case. I hate the “crazy cat lady” “spinster” nonsense, because those are both things I gladly aspire to.
Her “reasons” are not excuses for abandoning her pet. And none of this is any excuse for you to pick up after her. Not your fault that she is spoiled, forgets, is scared, etc. And what a crock of BS, anyway. She isn't accepting the responsibility that she actively sought.
I would take this issue to the RA and explain that the “emotional support” designation is BS, since she clearly doesn't need it. And ask for a new roommate or to move into a single room.