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Michelle/https://onlyfans.com/redxxxvelvet, 29 y.o.
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Date: October 15, 2022
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After reading through your comment and thinking on it, yes, I do see all four of those red flags, a lot of what you mentioned sounds similar to my girlfriend
I'd definitely bring in a couples therapist and a financial planner. Maybe looking into some career coaching for her.
This needs to be a serious conversation of team you and her versus the problem. The problem is : she is fucking miserable at work. It's affecting your lives significantly. It's not sustainable.
Don't bring up the debt immediately. It's not the important part. It is a consideration for next steps, but it's not the important part. The important part is establishing this as you two as a lockstep team that can depend on each other and finally staring the problem in the face.
Fact is, lots of vets are fucking miserable. She didn't fail. This isn't on her. It's ok to accept that something isn't working and find a new path, together. You think she is brilliant and badass and lovely and most importantly, deserves to be happy. Both of your lives would be better if she was happier.
Then you go into planning together mode, write this shit down. (Note, this is biased but an anxious planner.) What do you both want out of your near future (2-3 years)? 5-10 yr future? Distant old people future? Keep in mind, this is joint future singular, not individual futures, keep this team focused. Keep these futures in mind.
Ok, then do some free career exercises. Things like what does she hate about her job? What does she hate about the industry she is in? What does she love about her job? The industry she is in? What kind of lifestyle would she want at work? What kind of responsibility would she want at work?
Then talk about kids. Sounds like y'all want a family. What does that look like to each of you. Does that look like someone taking a part time or flexible job? A WFH job? Taking years off completely to have kids? Talk about that in detail.
Then you can start to look into options for her future a bit. This likely means research and talking to some other people. Consider here: what kind of income does she need to make with debt in mind? What kind of things do vets tend to do after burnout? Is going part time and back to school for something like an MBA an option? Project management training and working at something like a medical device company? This sounds like the most important but it's really not, it's the most actionable but all the planning and establishing you two as a rock solid team is more important than where you end up after this conversation.
It is that simple. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, so there’s no reason you can’t stay with her. He is controlling, emotionally abusive, and manipulative. His behavior will probably escalate to physical abuse. You love him, but he doesn’t love you. He loves controlling and possessing you.
Exactly. He already got a chick lined up to take OP’s place. She can say her goodbyes or just get up and leave without a word. Whatever happens afterwards is no longer OP’s problem.
I'm not goning to speculate about his trauma, sometimes we do things we wouldnt normally do when we get triggered. Whats important is that he gets therapy. If this can happen during sex because he got triggered, he is not a safe partner till he has worked trough some things. Violating and humiliating you out of the blue like that because of a trigger, and not being able to stop, could post a serious danger to you.
As a complete hypotethical: If someone does something seemingly innocent that triggers my trauma, and I slap them, I might have done it because I was triggered, but I still harmed that person and made them feel unsafe. They are well within their rights to not want to see me again or at the very least not till I have worked on myself to the point that I'm not a danger to them. While it sucks to have trauma and its horrible to cause harm to others unintentionally, I would have to accept that my actions could now have traumatized someone I cared about and I have to own up to that and do the work to become a safe person to be around.
nah, it's very possible. just google 'golden showers.' it's a somewhat widely known and practiced kink. some people enjoy peeing on others during sex, and some enjoy being peed on during sex.
what makes the situation crazy is not the feasibility of the peeing itself. it's the lack of communication and consent.
Is it possible, that he's just gone along with this to not rock the boat and he just doesn't know how it get out of it?
So maybe I'm reading too much into it but “Why? No-one is going to recognize your vagina” as the response to your objection leads me to believe that he planned to pass it along and someone recognizing you was the concern. I certainly would be worried about that if I knew it was going to be shared but if I had no belief or expectation that that was a given that wouldn't cross my mind as my first or primary concern. So why is he reacting like posting it elsewhere was a given??