You gotta tell yourself that you have worth and needs and it's OK to want to be YOU.
Think of it this way, you're holding yourself back from doing the things that would make YOU happy so does your bf even know the REAL you? Sit down and talk to him about it. Just lay it out.
“Hon, this is all kinda new to me, as you know, and I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff. See I want to be more cuddly and affectionate with you but don't want to be smothery about it. So if it's cool I'd like to be more open and affectionate with you a little more often and if it's a lil too much for you can you talk with me about it so we can find that goldilocks zone? I'd also love to see you more often, is that something we can work on and make happen?”
Open and honest communicatiom are KEY to any good relationship. You both should be able to sit down and talk about your wants, needs, and feelings. And if your bf can't or won't do that it just means y'all are a bad fit. I know you probably feel like some sort of old maid or spinster bc of the late bloomage but you're ONLY 28. You've got a LOT of life left to explore and find a GOOD partner that values you and sees your worth. And who knows, yout bf might just not know how best to talk things out himself. You starting the convo may show that he's down for that sweet sweet healthy communication too! You'll never know until you try!!
I have anxiety too (#TeamCitalopram) and while starting the conversations is naked, it makes things a LOT easier in the long run. Person example: My bf is very closed off. Not super open. I need to know where I stand and reassurances that things are ok (anxiety plus past marriage trauma). So I took a few weeks, gathered all my spoons and courage, and just said “I need you to be more open with me. When you're so closed off I feel like you don't care.” And doing that he finally opened up and admitted that previous gfs of his constantly told him to shut up or stop being so emotional. That lead to him closing off a lot. So now he's working on being more open with his feelings and realizes that I want to hear his thoughts and feelings and really get to know the real him. It's not an easy fix nor anywhere near as open as I'd like but I can see him trying. I can see the effort and I make sure to tell him that I'm so proud of him and appreciate that he's doing the work. I see the effort and it's making us stronger.
Was I terrified to have that convo? Omg sooooo freaking terrified! Like I said it took me weeks of convos in my head to figure out how to say it all. But I did it and I'm so glad I did.
You can do what needs doing here. He's your partner, your bf, you should always feel like you can share your feelings honestly and openly with him. And he should be able to do the same. If y'all can't, just a bad fit. Move on. Bc there are soooo many ppl out there and your proper fitting partner is too.
Something tells me that your bf will be down to talk. Only bc he matches your affections. It could be that he's letting you set the pace of things bc he knows it's your first relationship. So go talk to him. You got this! And if you ever want a 40 y/o reddit auntie's advice my inbox is open to you. Msg me any time, my notifications are silent so even 3am is fine! You sound like a complete sweetie and I really hope this is just a case of you two talking your wants and needs out.
Sorry about your husband. My wife was in love and she was carrying me 100%. That doesn't mean I am not nice. Just not aware that I am forcing her into my ideal life. I much later realized I was tiring her. She had a change in personality and got angry at smallest things. Then I looked for therapy. To learn how I should act to be 50 percent. People in Reddit helped me a lot too. I need to get her back first and then we can talk 50-50.
Rule 4: Things this sub can't give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked.
Please note that this is not an all-inclusive list.
Your post featured one or more of these and has been removed and locked.
It happens. It feels good. Until it doesn’t. My best friend is 50 and this happened to her a couple of years ago. She was so head over heels. Then the guy just vanished.
They are begging us to be godparents
He doesn’t really seem like a good man either though to be fair
You gotta tell yourself that you have worth and needs and it's OK to want to be YOU.
Think of it this way, you're holding yourself back from doing the things that would make YOU happy so does your bf even know the REAL you? Sit down and talk to him about it. Just lay it out.
“Hon, this is all kinda new to me, as you know, and I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff. See I want to be more cuddly and affectionate with you but don't want to be smothery about it. So if it's cool I'd like to be more open and affectionate with you a little more often and if it's a lil too much for you can you talk with me about it so we can find that goldilocks zone? I'd also love to see you more often, is that something we can work on and make happen?”
Open and honest communicatiom are KEY to any good relationship. You both should be able to sit down and talk about your wants, needs, and feelings. And if your bf can't or won't do that it just means y'all are a bad fit. I know you probably feel like some sort of old maid or spinster bc of the late bloomage but you're ONLY 28. You've got a LOT of life left to explore and find a GOOD partner that values you and sees your worth. And who knows, yout bf might just not know how best to talk things out himself. You starting the convo may show that he's down for that sweet sweet healthy communication too! You'll never know until you try!!
I have anxiety too (#TeamCitalopram) and while starting the conversations is naked, it makes things a LOT easier in the long run. Person example: My bf is very closed off. Not super open. I need to know where I stand and reassurances that things are ok (anxiety plus past marriage trauma). So I took a few weeks, gathered all my spoons and courage, and just said “I need you to be more open with me. When you're so closed off I feel like you don't care.” And doing that he finally opened up and admitted that previous gfs of his constantly told him to shut up or stop being so emotional. That lead to him closing off a lot. So now he's working on being more open with his feelings and realizes that I want to hear his thoughts and feelings and really get to know the real him. It's not an easy fix nor anywhere near as open as I'd like but I can see him trying. I can see the effort and I make sure to tell him that I'm so proud of him and appreciate that he's doing the work. I see the effort and it's making us stronger.
Was I terrified to have that convo? Omg sooooo freaking terrified! Like I said it took me weeks of convos in my head to figure out how to say it all. But I did it and I'm so glad I did.
You can do what needs doing here. He's your partner, your bf, you should always feel like you can share your feelings honestly and openly with him. And he should be able to do the same. If y'all can't, just a bad fit. Move on. Bc there are soooo many ppl out there and your proper fitting partner is too.
Something tells me that your bf will be down to talk. Only bc he matches your affections. It could be that he's letting you set the pace of things bc he knows it's your first relationship. So go talk to him. You got this! And if you ever want a 40 y/o reddit auntie's advice my inbox is open to you. Msg me any time, my notifications are silent so even 3am is fine! You sound like a complete sweetie and I really hope this is just a case of you two talking your wants and needs out.
Good luck!!! ??
Sorry about your husband. My wife was in love and she was carrying me 100%. That doesn't mean I am not nice. Just not aware that I am forcing her into my ideal life. I much later realized I was tiring her. She had a change in personality and got angry at smallest things. Then I looked for therapy. To learn how I should act to be 50 percent. People in Reddit helped me a lot too. I need to get her back first and then we can talk 50-50.
Your fiancé was inappropriate. He was intoxicated. All of you were drinking. Not surprised things went out of control.
Rule 4: Things this sub can't give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked.
Please note that this is not an all-inclusive list.
Your post featured one or more of these and has been removed and locked.
I just don't want her to see me as an obstacle
why dont u just do it and get it out of the way and if u enjoy it ur pleasantly surprised and if u dont u have a reason next time it comes up
You left your dream school for him??
Oh hell no. This man doesn’t want you to reach your full potential. A real partner would have encouraged you to stay there.
You deserve better.
It happens. It feels good. Until it doesn’t. My best friend is 50 and this happened to her a couple of years ago. She was so head over heels. Then the guy just vanished.