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Date: March 31, 2023
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Okay but you didn’t even acknowledge my point about him saying he spends every night at her place and is also somehow spending time with his kids during the week and every other weekend?
A good partner would care about your mental health and would give you the space you need for your therapy session. His “it’s my house” response when he could just use another bathroom is capital A ASSHOLE behavior. It’s beyond unreasonable—it’s malicious, domineering, and borderline abusive.
TL DR, leave him!
If he's willing to get into treatment you might roll with for a while longer to see if he can get stabilized. But generally, if someone with mental illness isn't actively working to get better there's no real way to be happy with them in a relationship.
His mom while wonderful, does enable him a little bit too. I notice and pick up subtleties like his mom getting anxious or 'backing down' from mentioning things to him too strongly. For example, even just telling him his son was eating a lot at a family function, my fiance took that as saying he's starving him or something when it's just an innocent comment from his mom about her grandson. I sense a power dynamic I can't really put my finger on. His mom doesn't have a clean house either. He just wasn't raised any other way. On a normal day I don't mind doing these things and I understand everyone was brought up differently, but some occasional days it really just makes me wonder if that's enough of an issue to take the heartbreak in stride and part ways.