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Date: October 10, 2022
One option is to let him know what you're thinking, just in case he decides to try to come around and sweep you off your feet.
It might help to think of breaking up as a process – especially when you're living together. And if (or when) you start the process, then exactly what you do next can depend on how your boyfriend responds. And if nothing happens to magically save your relationship, then the next best thing is to handle the breakup with mutual respect, where you both still value the time you spent together.
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So you have money to travel but not to go back home? Are you relying on him and his money? Raw deal. I would go on the trip by myself, then ask family for money to fly back, break up and set higher standards for yourself and your partners.
You are being stupid coz you should break up with him and not be engaged with him. Your brain isnt done developing. You arent in the wrong here. Hes very manipulative.
Marrying the wrong man right now at 18 can have long term consequences for you. Spend your youth living your life do not tie down right now to a man who is showing signs of manipulation
Have you seen frozen hun? You cant marry a man you just met. And at 8 months you dont truly know someone yet
With absolute sincerity, grow up. This childish and petty af.
I understand it to mean that the friend knows OP's husband goes out with his friends and she was asking if that particular guy was one of them.
He should have been with you. A decent partner would have called friends the day your brother passed and told them he needed to be there for you and to change plans for another time.
I lost my mother 16 years ago and I still have days of crying, shows I can't watch because they were shows we watched together.
He is selfish. I bet when his grandpa passes he will expect you to drop everything and be there for him. Unless you leave him. Imagine what your life would be like with him 5 years from now. How supportive would he be if you had a miscarriage? I can imagine him saying something like, “It's not like it was a real baby. The boys and I are going bar hopping tonight and I will be home tomorrow.”
I know, I’m still planning on the best friend, with my ex I just wanted to know if I should essentially ease her pain a little by talking to her
If I was wrongly accused of something and then acquitted, I wouldn’t want to share that with someone either. It’s traumatic.
And for you to say “if he’s been acquitted, then there’s no problem” but then you’re here questioning the relationship….. it’s exactly why he didn’t tell you.
For the sake of argument let’s say he was actually innocent. I’m sure those charges flipped his life upside down. Why would he tell future partners so he could be judged incorrectly again?
I don’t see him keeping this to himself as an issue. I don’t consider this “hiding” it. We all have trauma. And it doesn’t make sense to have a timeline to expect your partner to share their trauma with you. Or to even expect them to ever share it. You’re not entitled to the story of someone’s trauma and pain.
If he had been convicted, this would be a completely different comment. But he wasn’t.
At this point, I would advise you to have a hot convo with him. Discuss what happened. How it happened. Why he didn’t feel the need to share until now. See if you believe him and proceed from there.
No words can…nope. Can't do this. This is all levels of messed up. And people get me shit about my five year older husband.
Ah so it must not matter then? Typical American response. Maybe he shouldn’t be dating a Polish woman if he is unwilling to adapt even in a small way.
Would you let your boyfriend be friends with his ex?
Yeah I agree with both parts here. Two people communicating badly. But one is tired with a headache and the other is embarrassed.
The way I would solve this, as we do make mistakes like this… would be to go up and say all of this.
Eg.. 'Hey I know you're still mad at me. I've thought about it and you were right, I wasn't polite and could've just said hi and explained I had a headache so to excuse me. That being said, I'd really appreciate it if after I'd made that mistake and you realised I was exhausted with a splitting headache that you also gave me the benefit of the doubt, and let me know someone was over or communicate back with something like, 'the above post'. I think that way we could both get a bit better at communicating and avoiding fall outs like this.
Or something. Its definitely not such a terrible situation that two people who've gone as far as getting married should be in huffs with one another. That just says some communication work is needed to me.
It is a really naked thing to bring up to someone you care about – or at all, since you haven’t brought it up. If he is indeed “soft spoken and agreeable” he was probably anxious and trying to show concern and support but got lost in giving examples? I know it feels awful but don’t assume what he really meant. It does affect him and I’m not sure it’s fair to be upset with him for trying to talk about it. I’m not there to hear his tone or how you were responding, but even asking how “we” are going to approach this may be trying to show support and literally asking what he can do. You may feel shame but was he trying to shame you?
That said, if you don’t want to talk about it and tell him how you feel, just tell him it’s off the table for discussion period . Or tell him you haven’t thought about it but will discuss it when you’re ready (and follow through). It is better to communicate about what bothers us.
If he was a jerk about it I’m sorry he did that. Actually I’m sorry it hurt you no matter what his intentions.
Start working on your exit plan. Get a diary and write about the good things you have done that day. (Helping him look for work, helping around the house). Reference your money and housing struggles. Talk about everything in a positive or neutral manner and list his responses. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant.
It's one based on love, trust and the ability to not cross each other's boundaries. He has his lines in the sand too, I respect his, he respects mine.
Yeah that stands out to me too. There’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. You can be bisexual and be monogamous. Check yourself OP.