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Respect his wishes. He doesn’t want to be friends.
One thing to think about is what you feel about her when you’re not near her. If you don’t think about her much then emotionally she’s just a friend. If you find that you miss her and lie awake thinking about her then emotionally she’s much more than that, even if you never act on it.
I’ve been in her shoes (being broken up with and begging for the guy to come back) and it does suck, and I know ir sucks for you too. Take it day by day and you will both find peace and move on. You needed to consider your feelings and your future. You didn’t see a happy future, that’s super important. You’re not selfish at all. Wishing you the best!
You have every right to be insecure
This. He thinks “insecure” is an insult to her. It's not – it's a testament to what he's brought to the relationship.
Deliberately make the situation uncomfortable and awkward so your lose interest. Ask about his wife, tell him you found out he’s married and that you’re not this type of person.. the flirty and relaxed atmosphere will quickly be gone and hopefully sense will be knocked into you like that
You said you only talked about kids (he doesn’t feel ready) and that you only touched on talking about marriage. If you have had the in depth conversations and gotten the runaround, then you also had your answer.