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moon_beam_666, 23 y.o.
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Date: December 18, 2022
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He’s manipulating you. This is all textbook behavior. He’s trying to make you jealous and make you think of what you could have, “if only” he were insert adjective here you wanted from him and asked for. He will not do these things you want. He will pretend to do them until he has you back, then he will be the same person again.
Block him again. Delete his number and your conversations if need be. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you miss him if you really need the physical stimulation to change the way he forced your brain to think. I personally had success throwing myself into a new, very active hobby. Dopamine fixes unrelated to your ex that make you feel good about yourself are phenomenal.
This WILL pass. You will get better. You will find someone better and who adores you. When this happens, you’ll be shocked at your past self for allowing this guy in. It’s ok- we’ve all been there. It feels great when you finally move through it. 🙂
My wife uses a huge amount of ketchup. It’s gross.
We have a lot bigger problems.
I’m not expecting him to be all mushy over me I just needed something, to this day I have no idea how he felt about me because the most he was say is ‘I like you’, he’d only see me the odd few hours here and there, in 8 months I think we’d only spent one whole day together. It was his whole indifference towards me and lazy attitude towards the relationship. I didn’t really feel secure or safe. I’m quite independent and I don’t need reassurance or to see each other all the time but he was such a low effort guy it started to get to me.
So by your own reasoning you're off acting like a single guy while married.
Is your poor wife allowed to have any hobbies? That don't involve you?
It’s literally as simple as that.
Has he suddenly decided you need to prove you don't mind being branded as his before he commits? Because that is what it amounts to – he wants you branded to prove ownership. Has he always been controlling? If not, he may be looking for an easy way out.
You’re definitely overreacting. And, from the sound of it, a little clingy. Sorry but you went through his phone and that’s a huge red flag for a lot of people.
“Talking” is defined differently depending on who you ask, especially if it was before your first date. He had no guarantee that anything was going to work out with you two at the point where he hit up the other girl. If you two were talking for almost a month before your first date then it makes sense he would have had doubts about it going anywhere at the time.
I wouldn’t worry about it. You didn’t find any proof of him doing that after you guys started dating. Paranoia like this can often result in causing exactly what it was intended to avoid in relationships. It would have been wiser to just ask him about this instead of looking through his phone and invading his privacy.
As someone that went through sexual abuse and having a partner constantly pressure shit like this it's frustrating reading your post and replies. You say u arent trying to pressure him and u stopped asking him to finger u or have intercourse and u respect him…
And then follow it up with that TONIGHT u tried to get him to go down on u while u had a cup in..on your period and he wasn't comfortable! Because he already told u he isnt.
You keep contradicting yourself! Same with how u want him to try having sex in the shower so he doesn't see the blood. It's very ME ME ME ME!
i want to find a compromise so i can have sex with him!
Do you seriously not see that?
No one is shaming you for your high sex drive! But you are coming off as very selfish and self absorbed to the point you want to fix this so u can get what u want from him instead of jst getting affection.
i honestly think if you are anything like me hormones go into overdrive during that time. And you get alot more emotional and needy and need alot more affection.
Like is said my husband isn't comfortable with sex during tht time aswell. He's just a major clean freak and the thought of ur freaks him out heavily.
So he will show his affection in other ways he would cuddle me and bring me snacks, make me a very hot water bottle spend time watching movies with me. So i get my dose of affection and if i have a sexual need i take care of it myself when he isn't around. Or help him out without him having to touch me because again… id never want to make him uncomfortable At all!!!
There isn't any way u can make him not uncomfortable. You can talk to him and tell him u understand and that you still want his affection tho but it won't have anything to do with anything sexually if he isn't okay with it and you still want to just be around and be near him.
You coming up with ways to work around his trauma seems very much like you are trying to “fix him” so you can get what u want. Is so bad!
That's maybe not the greatest approach here. Realize he isn't saying he hates u sexually or doesn't want to be with you in that way it's literally just for a period of time..lol.. and that you as his girl are acknowledging and putting yourself aside to respect his feelings and trauma!
He was really nice which is why I did not see this coming