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We've known each other for 6 years, have been together 4ish years and married for almost 3.
I had a bit of an “awakening” and had some major changes. Started going to the gym 5x a week, doing pilates 2x a week, eating better, skin care routine, shopping at farmers markets, changed careers and got a 65k pay raise, lost 80 lbs, got a new car, cut off my dad, stopped dying my hair and switched to my natural hair color, bought us a house, etc. Lots of big changes in the past two years.
My husband and I use to bond over video games, and I no longer am as interested in them as I used to be. (I was also a cozy gamer vs his shooting games, so its not like we played in the same category anyway) and it started a whole fight where he has said I'm slacking on my duties as a partner and wife.
Throughout just the past few weeks he's made comments like
“Why are you going to the gym at 6am, to see your boyfriend?”
“Who goes to the gym after 7pm unless they're cheating”
“Don't get comfortable at your new job, they'll lay you off as soon as they find a better guy for the position”
if people compliment me in public and dont compliment him as well, he gets upset later and tells me it must be nice to be a woman etc etc and I said no one complimented before when I was chubby, its only because I'm in shape now. It's shallow and means nothing? But he feels like its some big deal and “advantage” I have over him.
I recently signed up for a class because I want to ask for a pay raise, or start applying to other positions and instead of being supportive he told me that I'm being ungrateful, I already make a lot and I'm being greedy, and that my boss will probably fire me for being demanding. He also wants me to drop out of the class I'm taking.
The only “valid” changes is that I don't play video games as I used to and instead of sitting around the house alone when he's out with his friends, I went out and got hobbies and made friends on my own. He wanted me to ONLY hangout with his friends girlfriends/wives, which sounds like hell on earth for me.
I also used to cook for us 7 days a week, breakfast lunch and dinner and bring him his lunches to work everyday because him remembering to grab it off the counter was “too much”.. now if he forgets it he just doesn't eat or has to order food. I also don't cook every day anymore, now I cook a lot of food three times a week and just freeze/meal prep it all.
I've also stopped ironing all of our clothes, and only iron as needed for myself and let him know where the iron is kept. So its not like they're life stopping changes. I'm trying to understand where he's coming from but honestly I think he's just being an asshole for no reason right now. Any advice would be really appreciated though.
You've played naked and cold with her long enough. Let her move on.
May I ask why do you wish to be married?
At this point, you have everything but the ring and paper that most people have in a marriage. You say the relationship is solid, you two get along well, you’ve got a home together, a life together…you’ve been married before.
If it’s truly that important to you then it seems like this isn’t the right guy because he either actually doesn’t want to get married or can’t follow through on picking out a ring and making a plan.
To me you’re at the point where you either have to give up on the idea of marriage or break up and date someone else who wants to be married. The latter seems to me kind of sad as an option because there’s really no guarantee you’ll meet anyone else who wants to get married either so it seems like tossing away an otherwise good relationship over a ring.