Yeah this dumbass… Ok, first of all, you're 34. You don't know if you're gonna get pregnant as easily the next time. It could take years, and maybe you'll need things like IVF… it's not that easy. Second of all, if he was basically lying to keep you happy, and now he wants you to terminate and 'try again in a year'…. he's not going to want to try again in a year. The dude is almost 40. If he's not ready now, he'll never be ready. There's always something that comes up, you know. It's never the perfect time. If I were you, I'd tell him that you're not terminating, that's not even an option. So if he wants to be a deadbeat like his father, then that's his choice. But you're not catering to his tantrum. He needs to man up.
I was just starting to think it was kind of weird that he was okay with taking my money but would complain anytime I did anything. I'm going to start looking. I've been thinking it's been time for awhile.
Having fundamentally different ideas about how your children should be raised is enough of a reason not go forward- unless you don’t want kids. For me, kids magnify the issue. Before you invest too much more in this relationship- clarify his real beliefs. Have the naked discussions- not to change his mind (I am pessimistic that I can ever change someone’s mind- sometimes you can get them to lie to appease if you push really nude). Just have the nude discussions so you are certain you understand his point of view. Don’t assume he will change. Don’t let anyone pressure you to stay or leave- you will be the one living with this- not your parents or friends. Stay strong- I hope everything works out well for you!
But if you aren't open to her advances, then whatever she is thinking is really beside the point. If you aren't interested and have no intentions, then just do nothing to encourage her. Be polite and friendly, but do not do outside activies one on one with her.
No one here will be able to tell you with any level of certainty what is behind her behavior. She may be interested in you, she may just be a friendly person trying to make friends. None us know her, so none of us can say.
Yeah I don’t want to make her do anything, especially therapy, as she’ll go into it pessimistically if she doesn’t agree that it could help and be fully willing to do it. Thank you.
I won’t go with the “well maybe let’s just try to have sex more” route because I again want her to fully choose on her own that she is ready. The way it’s been happening is that she lets her barriers down just enough to kiss intimately and if we’re totally alone at the time it has historically escalated from there every time. That perfect storm just doesn’t come around much. I think we have hope, I just felt like it’s been a while without much progress since the half year post-cheating mark.
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Yeah this dumbass… Ok, first of all, you're 34. You don't know if you're gonna get pregnant as easily the next time. It could take years, and maybe you'll need things like IVF… it's not that easy. Second of all, if he was basically lying to keep you happy, and now he wants you to terminate and 'try again in a year'…. he's not going to want to try again in a year. The dude is almost 40. If he's not ready now, he'll never be ready. There's always something that comes up, you know. It's never the perfect time. If I were you, I'd tell him that you're not terminating, that's not even an option. So if he wants to be a deadbeat like his father, then that's his choice. But you're not catering to his tantrum. He needs to man up.
Yeah we use to do it waking each other up. This is a first to me I did not know some people can be like this.
Thank you
I was just starting to think it was kind of weird that he was okay with taking my money but would complain anytime I did anything. I'm going to start looking. I've been thinking it's been time for awhile.
Having fundamentally different ideas about how your children should be raised is enough of a reason not go forward- unless you don’t want kids. For me, kids magnify the issue. Before you invest too much more in this relationship- clarify his real beliefs. Have the naked discussions- not to change his mind (I am pessimistic that I can ever change someone’s mind- sometimes you can get them to lie to appease if you push really nude). Just have the nude discussions so you are certain you understand his point of view. Don’t assume he will change. Don’t let anyone pressure you to stay or leave- you will be the one living with this- not your parents or friends. Stay strong- I hope everything works out well for you!
But if you aren't open to her advances, then whatever she is thinking is really beside the point. If you aren't interested and have no intentions, then just do nothing to encourage her. Be polite and friendly, but do not do outside activies one on one with her.
No one here will be able to tell you with any level of certainty what is behind her behavior. She may be interested in you, she may just be a friendly person trying to make friends. None us know her, so none of us can say.
Yeah I don’t want to make her do anything, especially therapy, as she’ll go into it pessimistically if she doesn’t agree that it could help and be fully willing to do it. Thank you.
I won’t go with the “well maybe let’s just try to have sex more” route because I again want her to fully choose on her own that she is ready. The way it’s been happening is that she lets her barriers down just enough to kiss intimately and if we’re totally alone at the time it has historically escalated from there every time. That perfect storm just doesn’t come around much. I think we have hope, I just felt like it’s been a while without much progress since the half year post-cheating mark.
NO. It clearly means what it means. Sorry
Weird, I met my wife when I was 24 and she was 20…. 10 years of marriage and 4 kids now…..
Well he's the one that changed.
So you deserve to know why.
Feelings are circumstances preventing you from communicating directly when this is clearly more important to you.
So you would lie to him instead?